I keep seeing your eyes
Hearing your voice
Missing you is like breathing
Vital and important
Flooding through me with urgency
My God you were so beautiful
A firestorm of everything good
Even the pain was good
A deep and wicked thing
Gutting me
Pitting me
Grinding me into dust
You were my whole heart
And it's funny
How a heart never forgets
I still imagine it
What it would be like
To meet those eyes again
But they house a different person
Don't they?
You are no longer who I remember
But a new soul entirely
A different kind of man
New experiences have shaped you
New loves have tended to you
New heartaches have lived with you
You are as different from yourself
As I am to a younger me
But my heart still beats
Recognizes your essence
Folds under your gaze
I still see you
Because under all the changes
Under every new promise
Every fresh scar
Underneath every other person
Who managed to reach your heart
I can still see the marks we made
The carvings that promised forever
The etchings of our first love
Our most epic story
Our lives playing out
They still live there
In the depths of you
Under all the games you play
I still see the night
You told me you loved me
You needed me
You wanted me
I still see the tears in your eyes
And feel the way you held me
Knowing it may be the last time
I still feel it
I feel it all
And I tell myself it wouldn't matter
Tell myself I'm not sorry
Whisper the mantra
I do not love you
But that was always a lie