If you cut me open and turned me inside out you would find his name tangled up in my veins, and my heart would beat to the rhythms of his favorite band. I think that would be an accurate way to describe love...if my name was the oxygen in his blood, But his heart doesn't beat to the sound of me, so a more accurate thing to call it would be poison or toxicity. I don't want to love someone that lives universes away, lives forever in 17, and only touches me in 18. That person does not exist in this world, in this here and this now, he does not exist. He left me in an insane asylum and blocked all the exits. I want to stop this virus that has sprouted within me, **** myself, stop breathing, because my air is polluted with his smoke and my heart can barely hold its own. He's so different now, the way life is, but he doesn't even see me, doesn't breath near me, doesn't need me the way I need him. And I'm different now, and I wanna show him how maybe he could love this me. Maybe he'd fall in love with this me cause I want him with me, want him in my car when I listen to the bands he told me about and I wanna play him all the bands that I know now, cause he'd love them. And then maybe he would look at me again. Maybe I could tell him about a book I read, but I haven't read one since he left. The sun has gone in a full rotation around this earth and no matter how many times I've swallowed the stars and soaked up the sun, if you cut me open today his breath would still be creeping off my tongue, his favorite books would still be written inside my hands, and my heart...
would still beat to the rhythms of his favorite band.