Thank you for following me.
Now I will use you as a target
At which I will violently throw my worst feelings.


I am at a crossroads
Every minute of every day I am at a crossroads
and I see that
(most of the time, I sometimes forget)
but today I am at a crossroads of particular significance.
Today's crossroads branch in a million different ways:

Half of them lead to my death

One of them leads to a great life

And one of them maintains status quo.

Some of the ones that lead to my death involve helping one life now:
my girlfriend, a shy, naive girl who lives the normal life
the life of normality
and status quo
and cattle

Others involve remaining in the dark corners of my house.
I find it hard to be alone
because I cannot see the light of life on my own
and I never share that with anyone, because. . .
I don't know.
I have found that knowing hurts sometimes,
but I can bear pain.
I am of it.

The path that can lead me to a great life is unclear.
It might involve me burying what I know
so that I may spare others the pain.
I dream of having a niece or nephew,
but I see the narcissism and selfishness of that,
and I will explore that in detail later.

The path that stays on track,
the status quo,
is the one I truly fear.
It involves staying at home for a while,
working a day job
and hating every second of it
waiting for an opportunity to present itself
for me to get out of this horrible horrible place.
I think normality is the worst hell.



I think that in making this poem,
I have started on one path
and I will start another path
when I write another poem.
Is this poetry?
What is poetry?
I am going to stop this right here because this train of thought
leads to darker places than you can imagine.

Thank you, The Demons Within,
for being my unwilling, unwitting target