Over the river and lost in the woods
Made of fun-house mirrors built directly into ventricles
Of one heart beating through an overdose of chemicals
Thoughts drowned in the peptides of shores in the ‘waiting room’

Bygone feeling splashing all around for a lifeguard living with his guard down
His days went from providing his scarf to providing his hearth
To days in and out of compromising his mirth

He’s told “It gets better as it goes.”
He says, “It’ll be dead by tomorrow.”
They say “Come on now, life isn't filled with sorrow…”

And apparently, the dissonance is covered by a distance of another;
He’s a folly to the blood-and-water chapter
Speaking of mixing soluble matters…
The truth will often leave a bitter taste
But are the lies dissolved in accepting change?
Sometimes the words and visuals just aren't the same.

So today, he took three things out of his heart and mind
Left social phobia, some truth, but mostly lies behind
He will be the allergy to compassion and all that’s empathic
He will suffer; he will grieve; he will be pathetic
And then he will just go.

She was running through his mirrors, waiting for bandages and gauze
He was privy to the scene as his mirrors stayed intact without a flaw
Watching himself scar up the reflective measures; making transparent views of pleasure
Until one broke; exposing a familiar scene of brick, last place he etched his soul forever
And in ambition to recover, stopped her in the moment that marks a desire to discover
But he failed in ways most intricate
Wrapped by the sharpest lines of the most delicate
Sinew that warped the core of something the void could use to replace truth that were self-evident -

But… no.
He’s digressing from the path
There was no particular reason to even do the math
The numbers didn't add up to what he had previously squandered
She was fresh to a life that she may never have encountered
With him; it was just vying for affection through a virulent infection
And it was a part of her that stepped in that day, a partial fit to the display
Fresh paint on the decay

So today, he took three things out of his heart and mind
Left insecurity, rationality, and his future behind
He became a monster to dishonor and a liar to himself
He’s disgraced; he is inane; he is unwell
And then he will just go.

He has been completely unable to dissect himself and put back the pieces without a coming up short a third-party to my misery
He has been completely distrusting of those whose lives have never felt equal pain overflowing from his tragedies
He has been routinely maintaining dispositions that contradict on every semblance of a trusting word in my vicinity
He has been completely dishonest about my conditions as if they were just failed attempts at analyzing strategies

I have been the juxtaposition to every single saintly word as he chose isolation prone to my own forms of devilry
I have been the very epitome of a mask that cries behind every nonchalant smile displayed like a centerpiece
I have been an undependable source of confidence ever since he broke skin through my poetic farce of empathy
I have been completely unreceptive of every word a kind voice has ever come to lend selflessly

And he has been a ******* child without remorse and word to those that have ever cherished me

So today, I took three things out of my heart and mind
Left the hate, the damage, and instability behind
I will become a martyr that defends nothing to prove
I will be unable; I will fail; I will lose.
And then I will go.

© 2015 Neal Emanuelson

Of the silence in this mind
Life once taken isn’t sacred
Staring at a mirror with one’s self, half-naked
After learning to accept the pain, there’s was nothing to escape it
One could make it better than fate ever did  

Can’t understand what one was doing; just escaping
Jailing one’s self with their own personal hate and
Hiding away from the mental wardens that one stayed with
Discarding one’s self to remember that one had a very hand in
The destruction to the very world one was contained within

One believed it’s right, so the argument is always “*******-
go fix your life before you act like you’re a **** God.”
It’s a long way from accepting all the blade does
But it never fails and the lines eventually fade off

Could be a saint and come to one’s defense
Or shut the **** up and watch from the ******* fence
Worn this mask so long, one tends to forget to fake it
Disillusioned to one’s self and all the things that make it

More lines to breathe across the skin appear soon
A novella of pain with no words to read through
Handling a smile like accessory to hide instability
Always showing through, but truly just a shell of ‘me’
Despite the calm you see
Through laughs and jeers
One still feels lost and uncontrolled
Everything warm when one’s heart turned cold

No chance to correct it, just craving an exit
Took the knife last night, now the demons are rested
Took the chance last night, now dried and decrepit
Relapsed again tonight, and one’s mind is repressive
Wrote about a horrid time, and now it’s all depressive

Happy stars and pussycats, unicorns and other ****.

©2015 Neal Emanuelson

And then there's the blood
But I can't feel my own skin
A knife in the hands of volatility
The sight of my own, estranged
Losing a handle on reality
Although it was never all that firm
I’ve lost the meaning in morality
As well as the meaning in this mortal boundary
Was the knife in my hands cause I'm shaking
In the mirror I stare, my vision is fading
Is it the end again?

The tiles are stained so deep in my masochism
A fitting match to this porcelain heart
The broken lines that I've utter may reflect
the lines that I have etched on myself
Cutting away the innocence or whatever was left
The damage is forever unending
Slipping in the broken pieces and bleeding
In the hours I’ve screamed through the pain awakened
Through the red, white, and black I’m escaping
In remembrance of what I’ve forgotten
Regrets that have could never be amended
Is it the end again?

In the bitter solace
of this silent abyss
I am not the one I thought I was before

I want to escape
But I’ve punished fate
By myself to be here where I don’t belong

The reasons cease to be
A recourse that appeals to me
I've found naught but a glimmer
[[I found you instead]]

And so I cut away
This decay of flesh and hate
I've been dressed in since I've known my face

I may have hastily
Said this meant more to me
But forever is such a caustic lie

And now you are in me
Accosted and withering
I cut this stubborn sinew
[[I had once called a heart]]

So I bleed to breathe
And bleed to believe
The pain is merely a wake up to the end

To the end of me
A bliss-less eternity
My hands are cold, but my vision never so clear

Now will you call for me
And hear my eternity
The lifeless saga of a lost savant

© 2015

I remember the same look in your eyes
As we went on the same ride
Disappointment followed the weight of your strides
And we went on the same ride
Caught on the dreams of another lonely teen
Saw you peeking through as it ripped at the seams
I only remember the same look in your eyes
As we went on the same ride

You spoke colors and I spoke terms
That you knew we’d never learn
And in the times we thought of love
But there’s too many lies in truth
Even though you've promised change
I cut my hands on the same words
And I keep on bleeding

I remember the sound of your sighs
As we dreamt on the same skies
Turns out they held onto another’s night
As we dreamt on the same skies
And if I could see it coming just like this
Maybe I could make sure I wouldn't miss
I only remember the sound of your sighs
As we dreamt on the same skies

You spoke in years and I spoke in days
Of things we could never say
And in the times we thought of hope
But there’s far too many truths in lies
Even though I've promised change
You cut your hands on the same words
And you keep on bleeding.

We breathe in truths and speak in lies
Of all the wishes that had died
And if we could start it over once again
But we've lost too many chances now
We can always promise change
But we’ll keep cutting hands on the same words
And we’ll keep on bleeding

And you’ll keep on bleeding.


And I’ll keep on bleeding.

© 2014

Sitting so peacefully on a window sill,
Eyeing the world as it sees you cry.
Your window becomes your gateway,
Your world, and your prison in hell.

A transparent frame to focus your sight
On the joys of others not known.
You’d love to be with them, but alas
You are a simple outcast behind glass.

As your heavy sigh breathes a canvas
You toy around with your written feelings.
This message, shown to the onlookers,
Will be your communication and aid tonight.

Send them the message that you want out,
Out of this life behind a clear barrier.
Find that the one looking inside your world
Could be your own self, wanting to look in.

© 2004

She’s talking through my dreams again
Always the same as she’s always been
Dressed in distress and decadence
Soaked in hate up to her lovely dress
My favorites threes since
My second, better death

Forever her eyes up to the sky
Above her head a broken halo shines
Infinite repeat so easily broken
And that’s when I hear the words
She’s finally spoken up to me
With the slyest grin

“I’ll cook your heart inside of mine
Drip into every atom of your mind”
As scared of her as I should’ve been
I could not resist and let her into
My broken arms, so full of sin
Caked with blood and my lasting regrets

My troubled world starts to crave pain
The dream begins and I enslave her
Scarred and beautiful as death in her skin
I behold her true but is it only… because I’m lost?
Or am I lonely?
Without a soul to bind me
I’d leave this place all behind and say goodbye

But where I fell is where I stay drained of will
And in my dreams she never fades away until
Opulence in impurities and confident insecurities
Have ravished her frame from days on end within
My fevered lust, which has come betrayed with truth
And lies, I turn to her “I love you still, but will let you loose
Upon this world as I’ve done before- never return to me
Anymore.”

But then, she returns again.

© 2014