The bacon grease from the homegrown beans
on my lips
reminding me of my roots
The playing cards from the shrinking deck
shuffling in my hand
commanding me to be kind
The peanut brittle fresh off the pan
crackling loudly in his jaw
proving I am loved
The blueberries growing on her bush
looking into my window
prompting me to work hard
The magnolias from the glorious tree
smelling sweetly
reminding me I am home.

I
Over the smooth, black screen
the only thing moving
was her reflection in the glass.

II
She was of a thousand minds
like a distracted puppy
constantly chasing squirrels.

III
The screen suddenly illuminates
telling her she’s been summoned
from the depths of the interweb

IV
A white girl and a latte are one.
A white girl, a latte and an iPhone are one.

V
She doesn’t know which to prefer:
Apple’s reliability
or Android’s creativity.
The iPhone’s ringtones
or it’s vibrations

VI
Notifications fill the lock screen.
The beauty of distraction.
The shadow of that risky text,
the mood,
Panic, regret and slight curiosity
but wait, another notification:



VII
Oh, shallow daughter of mine,
why do you imagine you have many friends?
Do you not see that your only popularity
lies behind an electrical glow?

VIII
She knew brave souls that went boldly without.
They missed out on inside jokes and plans made
yet she wondered if it is they who are truly living.

IX
When the iPhone went out of sight
it marked the moment when the blindfold came off.

X
At the sight of phones in her peer’s hands
part of her cringes with withdrawal
while another layer of obscurity is wiped from her eyes.

XI
She walked the hallways of school with new lenses
Once a fear pierced her.
In the shadow of vulnerability,
In the want of a screen.

XII
Her focus is changing.
The screen must be blank.

XIII
It was morning all evening.
She noticed the birds singing
and they would continue to sing.
For she had learned to look through
the small box with a screen.

I’m losing it all. Slowly it’s fading, slipping. I left what I loved. I left where I was satisfied, content, and in pure bliss. Everyday felt like a dream despite the challenges I faced. I left it all in pursuit of higher goals and higher dreams. I expected the transition to be hard, but I didn't know it would be like this. I was doing fine until I saw that picture of you all the party and it all hit me like a brick wall. It swallowed me like a tidal wave on that beach we talked about surfing. It suffocated me until I was dizzy. I had left, It’s not yet time for me to depart to my destination, I haven’t gotten where I’m going yet. You stayed where I once was, and life moved on.

It’s like I’ve been forgotten, erased from your brain like a statistic on a low quality whiteboard at a company meeting where after it’s wiped away you can still see the outline of what was once there. I was once there. I threw my soul into what we had, and for a while you did too. It seems like when it was no longer convenient, you didn’t care enough to try anymore. I spent hours coming up with creative ways to show you how much I care, putting together gifts, planning activities. Yet you wouldn’t take 10 seconds out of your day to send me one text to ask how I’m doing.

You told me I was everything you ever wanted. You told me you would make distance work. You told me you would make time. Instead, you made excuses. I’d ask you how your day was and you’d respond in one word. Good. Good, I’m glad you’re good. You know what’s not good, me. I’m not good with you trying to get away with treating me less than good, Good is objective, you are not good at making me feel good, in fact, I feel neglected and ungood. You don’t care that I’m not good? Good.

4 months ago you asked for the title of “Boyfriend”, so I gave it to you and you wore it like a badge of honor as if to say “Hey world, that’s my girl, she’s mine and I’m hers, look at how wonderful life is.” You still have that title of boyfriend, but now you wear it more like a cheap, red sticker name tag that reads in the most monotone way, “Hello my name is boyfriend” in sloppy lowercase letters and a BBQ stain smeared in the corner

I’m getting closer to where I’m going. You’re staying there. Don’t get me wrong, I miss the time we spent together, There’d be nights where you’d pull me close and talk about all the wonderful things we had in store for us, and our life together. We realized the reality of our situation was that we’d be separated for some time, so you’d bury your face in my hair and whisper, “Right here, right now.” “One step at a time.” I’d reply. But those steps are quitting their pace, they’re moving away from you. If you want them to stay then boy, you’d better tie those running shoes and get moving, because once their gone, they’re not coming back. I’ll be the one that got away. You know that, your family knows that, why aren’t you doing anything about it?

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I’ve believed that since I was young. Little things in my every day remind me of you and the good times we had, but instead of the joy and contentment, I once felt, it burns me like a hot stove burns a child’s hand to know that since those good days, you’ve decided I was too much work. You live in the moment which is one of my favorite things about you. You have a one track mind, that’s something I don’t like about you. Your focus is always on what’s right in front of you, If I’m not there, your thoughts don't drift my way, but if I’m there, your thoughts don’t ever drift away. School. That’s your focus, your excuse, your life. School, homework, bro time, Smash. Now that I’ve said it outloud do you realize how pathetic that is? With most guys in this situation, their friends would say, “Bro, you need a girl,” But, surprise! You have one, you just don’t care about her enough to say anything.

It’s clear we’re both learning, but our progress needs to be made in different ways. You need to get a freaking clue, and I need to get out of here. Both things allow us to grow in ways that maybe, just maybe might make it possible for us to work out when I get back. Until then, you need to open your eyes, decide if you’re going to fulfill the role as boyfriend that you begged so hard for, or not. Because if you won’t, someone else will, and to that someone I’ll be worth not only a 10-second text but their whole world. I won’t have to spend day after day wondering If I still matter to them because they won’t ever let me forget it. I won’t have to beg them to ask me how my day was because they’ll have already asked.

There’s a difference between loving someone, and caring about them. Right now I know you love me, but I’m not sure if you care. My life is moving forward, I’m moving up. I’m on a rocket accelerating so quickly if you blink you’ll miss it. If you want to be on board you’re going to have to fight for your position. This is not a given, It’s a privilege. You want it? Prove it? Not worth it? I’m gone

you can't
catch a ttypo,
with a btterfly
knet.

that's y
we hve
spell
Czech.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead." The young woman said as she hustled and bustled around.
She did lots of things with an obstinate mien until things began to come down.

First was her health but she pushed through, "There's still so much to be done!"
Soon her mind began to unwind like an Icarus, close to the sun.

This demonstrates a well know tale, some may hear it and weep.
For the girl who had so much to do that she died from the lack of sleep.

Be careful when staring.
If you look too closely
You might make a connection.
If you look too closely
And you make a connection,
Good Luck.