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clairevanya Mar 2018
Sometimes I think about.
High buildings, moving cars or bridges with beautiful scenery.
I have this saviour complex, an rubix cube lover.  
Destructive distractions are a pass time, I have an infatuation with underdogs.

Blowing bubbles, I like to swim against them.  
Purgatory is my sanctuary.
Pain is paradise, numb to most.
Inflicting paper cuts for fun.  
The caring nature of a broken soul, is a laughable misery.
clairevanya Jan 2018
I always loved to lick the sweet from your lips.
In the bitter end, it became bothersome.
clairevanya Dec 2017
AA.
Do you remember the carousel you took me to, on our first date?
The twists and turns still taunt me.
Round and round, as obsession started to leave a rotten taste in my mouth.

A severe sting, chewing sandpaper like candy-floss to erase your name from the tip of my tongue.
You had already made it into my blood stream, love drunk.
On Budweiser served in plastic bottles, I flip filthy ride tokens like they're gold coins. You became treasure to me.

Darling, the ghost train has nothing on you.
I fell for you hook line and sinker, unfortunately you continued to play. Crashing, I no longer gave myself time to recuperate.

We moved like clock work, to feed on the exhilaration we desired.
As I grind to a halt, you stubbornly carry on.
Until rusted exhaustion kicks in, misshapen and misused.

I hold my breath to **** the yearning in my throat, make the butterflies drop dead.
clairevanya Dec 2017
You are the boy with the yellow socks,
Forbidden is your middle name.

Adam comes to mind.
Eve is a daydream, but how mainstream.

Aren't you over apples by now?
Lets feast upon the world with our once innocent eyes, cast us out, of your prison like paradise.

Eden is over rated, lets fall off the edges of the world.
Watch them curve and bend to our will.

I may not be Eve, but I will tempt you with more than fruit.
Our souls do not deserved to be saved, we will be ****** in wide eyed ecstasy.  

The Serpent sensed your yellow socks.
Forbidden is your middle name.
clairevanya Nov 2017
Pursed lips, seal my fate with a kiss.
Your velvet tongue licks my wounds so well.
Wine cup collar bones, playing piano on your rib cage.

My wild heart ignites in the presence of your blazing soul.
Lets rain dance naked on roof tops.
Your eyes open to adventure.

You are just so wondrous, my infectious fascination.
clairevanya Oct 2017
Can you visualize the wreck? Imagine the triumph?
Try an picture the suffering? Feed on the exhilaration.

Glide your lips along my worn splintered spine.
Distinguish a young soul from the old book scent?

Rip out the pages of impurity, burn them too ashes.
Can you reach them when my heart is engulfed with smoke, lit from the constant fire of ambition.
clairevanya Oct 2017
I've never been able to get good sleep.
My eyes darker than black holes, I spiral down.
I try to clamber up, but I'm in way too deep.

Daydreaming at night.
The loss of myself, but very aware of my state of mind.
Release is only found within the sunrise.
Every night I stumble on the moon.
I jump star to meteor, hoping gravity pulls me into the space between. Maybe then I can get some real good sleep.

History book worthy battles, I wonder who will be the victor.
Love or loath; a sword drawn to my heart.
Arms apart, head thrown back.
I'm not even entirely sure what part of me I'm killing, I'm just praying for relief, I just want some sleep.

I was sick of the suffering, autopilot is my new definition of personality.
Memories have turned into sadistic nightmares.
Let me free myself from this close eyed, open mind torture.
I cant even stand to walk around my own mind, silence is full of beasts I have yet to slay.    
I'd rather hide in the wounded parts of me, call myself a survivor.
A survivor of nothing out of the ordinary.
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