Hungry
Endlessly
Bottomless pit
Searching
I am lost to it
It is lost to me
Unknown
Obsidian
Bottomless pit
Black Friday list
Machines
Hanging
Hard and limp
Humming and void
Living and dying
Dead inside
Bottomless pit
Where did you go
Distant and far
I ate four dinners
Four nights
I lied
Just one
Bottomless pit
I fell
I climbed
I’m bleeding then healed
Resurrected
I lied
I fell again
Bottomless pit

Time should have been enough
Time and space and ignoring you
But I can't.

Ignoring you is like holding my breath
A challenge, possible until it inevitably isn't.
I can't.

Your hair is longer but your eyes are the same.
Your smile is quieter but you stand taller now,
laugh louder.

I wrote you a letter, and I want to send it.
I want to stamp it and send it away from me and to you
But I can't.

I can't let myself go, that small secret.
I can't.

I want to scream
but my chest constricts
and I cannot breathe because I feel like
I will breathe myself in
and collapse
in on myself
like a dying star but I'm not a star,
I'm a failure
a black hole
and even when I can see the string of snot dripping out of my nose
I can't stop crying I can't stop crying
and it slows and stops
and then comes back full force and
I can't stop crying I can't stop crying
******* in breaths
as I hear her in the next room,
clicking and clanging away,
busy in every way she’s supposed to be
and I hear her in my head
even when she isn’t there-
and it’s always always always
how inadequate I am-
while I hide
in my room,
under my best friends,
the bedsheets,
crying and tapping away,
documenting every little thing I never have the confidence to say
to her or to anyone
******* in breaths
a black hole
my mind
bright
but dark
absorbing
every bad thing
she's ever said about me.

Pink hair:
Bright and boisterous,
A wild mess on your head.
You talk,
I smile;
It’s nice.
Too bad I don’t say anything.
You run out of words;
I run out of patience.
Bye?
See you tomorrow.

Pink hair:
You’re back.
You talk again,
I smile again.
Today I talk a bit
And you smile.
But we can’t find enough words.
Bye?
See you tomorrow.

Pink hair:
Across the room.
We don’t talk.
We don’t smile.
Was that a wave?
I can’t tell.
Were you looking for words?
I was.

Pink hair,
Will I see you tomorrow?

Pink hair:
Your hair isn’t pink
We still don’t talk
Our chance is gone

Pink hair:
Did you forget something?

I tend to flee when frustrated,
for fear fumbles my mental functions.
friends forget my flaws,
forget my favorites,
forget my fears.
friends forget me.