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Typewriter1 Feb 2021
I’m feeling so homesick ever since my family moved away it’s been so hard the fact I never got to say goodbye and life as been so hard, i miss my mum and dad we barely even talk anymore I don’t even know how to feel about that it’s so overwhelming feeling like you have no one around you that actually loves and cares for you I’m not saying I don’t have people that don’t love and care about me I do , but family just hits different and at times all you want is a hug from your mum telling you everything’s  going to be okay and now you don’t have that an it ***** it really does, I’m no saying I’m not thankful for my partner family do letting me stay with them but inside it does hurt when you seem them with their family all happy and it just reminds you that you use to have that and now you don’t 😭
Typewriter1 Feb 2021
With love comes hate
with hate comes hurt with hope comes faith. Born to be a fighter with fire as a soul all will be right, within this place you call home.
  Nov 2020 Typewriter1
Lia
Me
The moment I realized I didn't like me was when I allowed pain to become my best friend.
See pain was always there right by my side never letting me down.
When my boyfriend just left me alone with no explanation pain was there.
When My best friend betrayed me and broke my trust pain was there.
When my uncle use to sneak in my room at night to play his special game pain was there.
So it was only natural for me to cling to pain.
Holding my hand through it all,
Pain was the only stable thing in my life never changing up on me. Never hitting me with a unwanted surprises. No matter the problem I can always count on pain to help the tears fall  smooth and freely.
Pain knows my heart like no one else inside and out.
Clinging to it the moment it feels peace trying to tear us apart.
Pain will never leave me alone to deal with life.
Pain has been around so long we look identical.
Pain has moved in uninvited of course but I can't put pain out
due to the fear of being alone.
Pain has spoiled me with devotion and dedication.
Pain is my lover
Pain is my Friend
Pain is my teacher
Pain is Me.
Typewriter1 Sep 2020
The best if the best fake smiles
She met be smiling but don’t be fooled,
She may seem happy but don’t be misled,
She only cried when no ones around she leaves words unsaid.
Typewriter1 Aug 2020
I wish I had an answer on why I feel the way I do.
I’m not mad I’m hurt
In ways I can’t describe
It’s been years but I haven’t been able to process things
The two things I want gone are still running free into the night
My thoughts catch up with me
My nights are the worst, I think and think
I know I’m not good enough that’s why you left
You left cause you couldn’t look after me
I get that but you have no idea what I go though because of that
I constantly think I was never good enough that you never loved me enough to stay to stay in my life
I’m constantly thinking that.
You both hurt me.
I want to move on but I can’t
I never got a reason why
I need to understand why you did what you did.
You left me and I just got abused but hey it’s in the past right it shouldn’t matter anymore. It’s the past I should just move on.
What’s the point of trying if you can’t move on.
I’m done feeling like this I’m done thinking that it’s all my fault you shouldn’t of had me I’ve never been happy till now I have one person, that one person is the only thing keeping me here.
It’s so hard not to get emotional about all this but it’s hard it makes me so angry I just want to hurt myself so badly I want you to know the pain I went though knowing I can’t talk to anyone knowing that all of a sudden I now have to open up to people and trust then all of a sudden. It’s so so hard to do that you say your fine even though your not your too scared to tell anyone your not okay because you know your gonna get blamed the things that had happened in the past is now all catching up with me.
I’m hurt I don’t want to be here no one understands it’s hard to explain all those years of being told to be quite it happened in the past I don’t have a right to get angry I can’t even go back home anymore.
I’m sorry I tried to convinced myself that I was okay that I didn’t need help...
I sorry for everything I put myself through but I’m slowly losing
I want to end it...
I can’t though you don’t understand after everything Ive been though this is the only safe thing I have... after you get physically and mentally abused and all you wanted to do for years was end your life so that person that hurt you so bad that you have to deal with it for the rest of your life you can finally let them win, maybe I just deserve to be alone I mean I am the way I am because of them.
So yes there is going to be times where I do end up self harming to distract myself so I don’t think about the **** I go though and I’m sorry if I can’t promise to next cut again and I’m sorry for all that I’m honestly am sorry you can leave now you can just leave everyone eventually does I’m use it, I just can’t be with someone that When I do is just going to be mad and tell me not to because you think it’s so easy to not.
  Apr 2020 Typewriter1
Emmy
Someone once asked me to define the word brave, for some people they would reply with "a term used to describe a person who does a dangerous thing when someone else won't". But that's not what I'd respond with, in my opinion I think society has changed the real definition without even knowing, I don't think brave stands for being the first person to bungee jump off a 50 foot bridge or eating an exotic fruit to make sure it isn't poisonous. That's not defining brave at all brave is different for example, 2 girls are getting tattoos the younger one goes first and gets her tattoo, once she's finished it's the older girls turn, but just then she says "no I've changed my mind". No matter how much she heard from the younger girl or the tattoo artist saying it hardly hurts she still refuses. Most people would look at this story and say the younger ones the brave one where truly it's the one who refused. She stood there and thought if she really wanted to have a permanent tattoo on her skin, she refused to think "if I say no they'll call me a wimp and I don't want that" no matter what she stood her ground and made the decision. She knows that she makes her decisions in life not others, in my opinion that's what's considered brave
Typewriter1 Apr 2020
Some memories can lead you down an emotional roller coaster childhood memories of the good or bad of the fair and some get you thinking.
Sometimes it's really easy to think life is perfect but in reality it's hard and at points in your life you feel like you want to give up.
when i was growing up i thought yes i have the hang of this thing called life, but then it all hits me i'm nowhere near being able to handle life.
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