Sad-Eyed Boy of the Lowlands: Poems

Jun 2021 · 231

Sad-Eyed Boy of the Lowlands Jun 2021

I'm pretty heartless apart from this
Petty pity party I've started on my wrist
So park this darkness into a MAC 10 and reload it
It's disappearing but it'll be back again before you know it
In fact, I'm fearing I'll slip up again and show it
This endless game of back and forth pretend may blow it
My friendless flames - my life's end in my dreams
That's the end to the means of these empty movie scenes

"Walk On By"
By y'know, Thundercat and K.Dot
Was the inspiration to this (or more accurately: the beat over which I wrote this)

#unfinished

Apr 2021 · 819

untitled, unfinished.

Sad-Eyed Boy of the Lowlands Apr 2021

untitled, unfinished.

I have intelligence but my confidence just died
The evidence is irrelevant - fate has me resigned
Shall I show you my skeletons or would you rather hide?
Shadows tripping in darkness search for the other side
Every demon is scheming to keep my appetite
Unsatisfied as I grab a knife but battle blind
In fact, just last night, I had a half a mind as well
To search for a piece of time to find pieces of myself
Without help, or peace signs, I could disguise
A thousand lines about suicide as sighs
Of relief for someone else, but self belief is a lie
And cyanide dreams is where my future lies

did i just rap

this borrows liberally from kendrick lamar's very jazzy "untitled 05", hence the reference to "untitled, unmastered." (the album it comes from) in the title

#depression #religion #loneliness #suicide #sleep

Apr 2021 · 78

I've Got a Feeling

Sad-Eyed Boy of the Lowlands Apr 2021

I've Got a Feeling

I crawl in these carpeted rooms with my right hand clutching a pile of old papers
That used to mean something to me
I'm as drunk as can be
On something deeper than faith
I found God in the bottom of a bottle
And in the back of a TV screen
And in the pages of a book
And laying next to you after ***
Or something, right?

I study the sun setting on this world
A perfect daze where I rule
And fate never shone a laser at my forehead
I'll never pick up that cross again
Or drink that wine

This uhh this this
Uhhh
What was I saying

I'm too pretty to not be entitled
Tee hee
Give me your heart and your soul
Please let me fornicate
Just a little bit
I'll be quick and I'll only cry a little bit
No?
Okay understandable, have a nice day
Tee hee

Oi! Stop pussyfooting or whatever the expression is and get to work!
Aye captain!

Steam steam steam steam
Hummm
Bass noises
I have complete control over this ship
Ship ship shape
Shapes of ships and memories of melodies plus bizarre bazaars
I am the captain here
Look at me
Oi

I'm going to rest in a grave for a lil while
Ay captain
Your mother smells like horse radish and she's a *****
How's that for a good night
Now for animosity
Captain I need to leap into the sea, won't you let me
Please, we can fornicate for a lil bit before that
We can even
No?
Okay how ab ph

This? Unfinished? Never, everything is always by design and that's

#nevergonnagiveyouup

Apr 2021 · 124

Breathe

Sad-Eyed Boy of the Lowlands Apr 2021

Breathe

Breathe in breathe out

You magnify every meaning my life could ever have
The heart swoons and sighs and brain demons and blood arrows
The Elysian fields to rest in peace
And the Tartarus darkness to rest in pieces
Fatality that beckons with a bony finger
And fate that smiles kindly at my self obsession
I found you and I'll never let go of you again
Breathe in breathe out

Static is my safe haven
I dream in static because of nostalgia
These are my spiritual ancestors I'm recalling
I found you in late nights
In tube socks and voyeuristic first times
In nature and in love and in these mirror-like screens
Satellite dishes to catch spiritual signals
And book pages to write my destiny
You were my first desire
My first feeling
Enacting practised language and gauging metaphor uncracked
This is my faith and my heritage
My past and my future
I feel you right now too, watching over me
Breathe in breathe out

These intelligent acquaintances with pastors and shepherds
Were marred by battle scars and laced with depression
Scarred with love and hate, I was soon facing obsession
Existential cartwheels that spun me into nihilistic temptations
I was trapped in lustful desire
I was trapped for so long
I almost forgot how to breathe

The blurry channels of euphoria
Were lost in a haze of demented pretensions
Until destiny crawled out the TV screen
And a little boy I'd known since childhood
Since elementary hood days
Since near fatal accidents and tube socks
And graduation ceremonies and church services and first loves
Who resembled me in every way
Smiled at me in between gapped teeth
From kind eyes, innocent eyes, knowing eyes
Standing with one foot in the Atlantic
The other on Table Mountain
And he said to me
Breathe in breathe out

Isn't it lovely how menace has turned attraction
Thank God for this
I would say it got me a plaque
But what's better than that?
The fact that it gave me a heart

Breathe in breathe out
Because that's all there is

Abed: This was my religion. I thought
the meaning of people was in here...I found a secret: People are random and pointless.

Shirley: Well, in my religion, the whole point is
you can't understand every little thing, and there's a word for people who remind you you're not God and invite you to try harder.

Abed: Prophets, messiahs, kung fu pandas.

#thisfeelingisunmatched #thankgodforart #thequoteisfromthecommunityepisodeintroductiontoteaching

Jan 2021 · 406

BLOOD.

Sad-Eyed Boy of the Lowlands Jan 2021

BLOOD.

So I was talking a walk the other day
The ground seemed peculiar
Reality seemed to go away
Or maybe it was more secular

Regardless, I came across my innocence
Cold blood dripped from my mouth
Haven't felt the same since
Disassembling the ardence of my youth

I met a lady as I walked
She seemed lonely too
For a while we talked
Until she said, "it's only you"

That night we wed
Underneath manipulated stars
Mutual innocence dead
******* pleasure of scars

#thisisaworldpremier

Jan 2021 · 102

Last Day of September

Sad-Eyed Boy of the Lowlands Jan 2021

Last Day of September

I never said anything meaningful until I met you
And then I found the words and feelings
They washed my body like waves
And we walked across the desert holding hands

I think I may have accidentally thought of you as a god
And as I lost my faith
We crawled into the valley of shadows
Where the endless horizons scorches our perception

Your love and faith don't mean anything when the water runs dry
But I have no conflict
Except perhaps with myself
And for lack of better words, or words at all

When the fire burns cold and suburban knowledge seems all I know
Time just passes on
But you and me don't love the same world
And today's all we have, and it don't last forever

And as September's hidden eyes slowly go blind
And the world looks more like desert
With every word I hear you say
In case I lose my faith in all, please know I loved you.

Very much inspired by (and to the tune of) Vampire Weekend's "Hannah Hunt"

May 2020 · 81

sissy

Sad-Eyed Boy of the Lowlands May 2020

*****

im sorry that i hurt you
i wish i could walk away from me
im sorry that you're sad all the time
i wish i could dissect myself
cause then i could be a better scientist
and a lover too

#wussy

May 2020 · 194

Heroine

Sad-Eyed Boy of the Lowlands May 2020

Heroine

The rain is pouring
In thick, lustrous clumps from the sky
I feel dizzy as I float
Higher, higher, up into the big, heavy clouds
Then down, down, I spin
Spiralling
Until I collapse in a steaming heap
I ****** a hand to the ceiling
But the drunken dream fades into suburban grey
Sweat drips off my face
The blood on my arm becomes evident
It makes me queasy, sickly
On instinct, I press a sharp point
Through the skin and into the nest of veins
Power courses through my blood until it hits my heart
And then I float
Higher, higher, up into the big, heavy clouds
Until I spiral down again
Into my cold, mundane nightmare

thanks breaking bad

#edgy #void

— The End —