One month,
hopefully many more.
you see, there's so many things I haven't told you,
the reasons why I blush at everything you say,
why I smile when your name pops up on my phone.

you see,
you have this thing about you,
you always know what to say and you always choose to be optimistic.
you're always smiling and laughing, I love that about you.
you make me better.

you need to know,
you are worth much more then you give yourself credit for,
I promise I will show you how amazingly incredible you are,
there is never a time where I feel like you have done me wrong.
for that I want to thank you.

no,
this isn't all I want to tell you,
this is only part of it and the reason for that,
is because when I see you in person again
I will tell you the rest.

the rest of how amazing you truly are.

this was written 10/20/16 I wasn't very stable in my own mind and I was going through a lot, please don't read if you get triggered easily, please don't read if it gives you memories. if you still choose to read it will be in your hands.


its cold outside
I'm inside  thinking
that's not good
the voices are speaking
telling me to give up
I yell at the to STOP!
they yell for me to JUMP!
I cant do this
"no one will miss you" they said
"no one will care" they said
I stand up
I go downstairs
"grab the rope"
"grab the chair"
I did it, I never thought twice
I stood on the chair
tied the rope
"put it on"
I did
"jump"
its cold outside
and so is my body

From the moment I saw you I knew what I wanted,
I'm not much for words but I can say it in a poem,
the way I feel for you just cant be described,
but the way we just clicked,
I knew that id love you.

I'm complicated
it's easy to see.
I argue a lot
I cant admit when I'm wrong
and I always blame you.
but at the end of the day
there isn't another person who will love and care for you
more than me.

yours to keep
do you see me
as I see you? in the darkest times, you're
the only thing I keep in my heart
she said to him, ill
be your rock, stay
by your side, there
I will be forever

I believed all your lies.
How dumb does that sound?
"I believed all your lies"
Imagine saying that to someone who doesn't give a **** about you,
Someone who once said they would do anything for you.
I believed it when you said I was the one for you.
I believed it when you lied and said I was the one you wanted.
I believed all your lies.

I break myself down, to lift you up.
I say that I love you, not just to say it.
but to remind you, I'm there for you.
to remind you I have your back, no matter what.
I break myself down, to show you that through thick and thin, I will be by your side.
if that doesn't show you how much you mean to me.
then there's nothing left I can do.
but to wish you well, and hope I never fall in love again.
because I cant go through another heartbreak.
I gave up once, and you convinced me to let you in.
at this time,
right here...
right now...
convince me again to not give up, and tell me this wasn't a mistake.

I've got bruises on my arms from your late night drinking, scars on my body from your words, you hate me at night, the next day you love me. I put up with it night after night and day after day, because I love you, and I care enough to help you. you tell me you're sorry, "I'll never do it again", and I believe you. then night comes again and it takes over you, and you hate me all over again. still, I don't give up. I put up with it over and over again. until I can't anymore.

I know it may not seem like it,
I lose my temper, raise my voice,
I let it all out on you.

I make you feel like its all your fault.

I make you feel like you aren't good enough,
but trust me when I say,
you are everything I need,
you are everything I want,
don't let my words make you feel any less than you truly are,
because to me,
you are perfect.

Forever seems like a long time,

but as the clock keeps ticking and the days keep changing…

What does forever really mean?...

I wonder,
were those drugs that important?
So important they took you away?

I wonder,
was it all worth it in the end?
Was it worth your life?

 I wonder,
did you know how much your decisions affected me…

The nights I can’t sleep are the nights you don’t say goodnight.

The nights where we fight and argue.

The nights where I lose you all over again.

Everything I ever said to you was true.
Everything we did together was sincere.
But you still so fake like silicone.

If you love someone...
You don’t put on the act that you hate them.
Sometimes, **** gets tough,

If you run away your problems will only get worse and yet…
You chose to run away.
Even after you knew that no matter what…

I’d be by your side through it all.
And now…
I’m here facing all the **** alone.

And having to face everything you left here too.

I die a little everytime i hear your name,
Can’t stop all the feelings I felt for you.
I should of known a little better,

Good things never last forever and now i’m alone.

you're gone now,
you left me alone,
alone in a room with memories of stone.
but now what?
you live your life and are happy?
don't we all wish we were happy...

it was easy for you to leave, you cared, you loved me... but ****... why was it hard to match up your actions with words?
I see you everyday and I think "what did I do that was so wrong, so terrible to make you leave?"
would it be possible to see you again?

I used to see love in those eyes, now all i see is hatred and i can't help but feel like....
like all this just wasn't meant to be,
and it will never be... meant to be.

these memories of stone are to heavy to carry but I can't let go, i can't untie the knot we made the first time we met.
I never thought it would end this way, i always thought it would be you and me together and now?
now i'm just left in a dark, but lighten room, with my thoughts and feelings, and no matter what...

it's hard to admit... you were right all along... and i was wrong... but understand no one just disappears with no trace, there's always a clue and there's always mark we leave behind.

just remember these memories of stone will drown you in the deepest waters, but i can't let go.

I wish I never found you,
All those memories,
All the time we spent together just to throw it away like trash.
I wish that I didn’t know your name,
I think about you all the time,
No matter how badly I want to,
I can’t get you out of my head.
You just left me with no explanation,
I find it ironic how you told everyone you were the one with a broken heart,
Yet i’m the one silently crying trying not to show how hurt i am.