Anything
and
everything
is still
not enough
for some people

Let me tag everything
to ruin the journey of emotion.

Thanks guys, finally hit 1k hearts without too much social engineering. lol

but i must say. . .

HP has disappointed me as of late. . . asking for donations (which I have paid being a long time user) but I wonder how much of that goes to this new #hastag system. . . I liked this site because it was plain, easy to use, and the poetry spoke for itself without all these lousy social networking features everyone is using.  I liked that it wasnt a popularity contest where the work could speak for itself. . . It doesnt feel that way anymore. Sorry, maybe some of you like it, but the one place that was once my favorite avenue to share my work, may soon no longer be.

Theres not a day that passes
where it does not cross my mind
Its you that I envision
wishing that love was blind
but it isnt so in my case
I look but can not find
a new way to replace
where I invested my time.

Look no further
than the rings under my eyes
the grey hairs protruding from my head
the wrinkly working mans hands
the dirt from factory work
that collects in my pores and nails
the many physical and emotional scars I bear
the eloquent portrayal of myself
that I manage to express
in such a silly clumsy manner
my cynical nature
how being an *******
draws my closest friends.
the hollow chest
the distant stare
the pain in my words.
shows I've obviously aged myself beyond my years

like a tree, cut me down and count the rings.

funny how shaving still gets me carded for cigarettes occasionally.

At least I have that I guess.

Hell is hard to escape
  When it's between your ears.

I know that you're out there
I'm still searching for you
lets escape this nightmare
of a constant pursuit
I just want a fair share
in something that is true
This roads going nowhere
I need you to pass through

Dont have the time
I will not try
I must deny

a mediocre love


I will not try
I must deny
Dont have the time

for an ordinary love

Instead of picking up the pieces
I started leaving them behind
Theres no secret to the recent
state of my heart and mind.

I chose to play this inane game
I know exactly who to blame
I could have turned and walked away
But the hand was laid and my bet was made

I thought that it would hurt more
but all I feel is numb
Like an old returning pain
too many times succumbed
A heart already broken
A mind already lost
words that cant go unspoken
a line already crossed.

Vindictive and spiteful
your pride is your drive
You push and you pull
your desires derive

Resentful, obtuse
blame your existence
always an excuse
for all you diminish

I wanted to save
not try to fix
but you never forgave
you wallow in ****

I waded therewith
for far way too long
any way I shift
you'll point out as wrong

Had my problems too
although you never knew
because I don't lack the empathy
to push them on you.

*******,
and read my poem
you impatient
little *****

Staying in character
playing the charade
disparaging inheritor
of decisions that were made
Sticking to the act
keep up the appearance
less and less intact
searching for coherence
As a strong minded exterior
veils a war torn landscape within
all motives seem ulterior
in a game not meant to win
Trying to drown demons
clawing at the back of my mind
between dreaming and seething
middle ground is hard to find
above the watermark
where the fluid
seeps through the cracks
of this overused shell
a little bit of heaven
above a vast infinite hell

I seek your praise
cant you see?
I want a page
in history
like everybody
stepping on each other
to be proprietary
you *******

My ego is best, cant you tell?
You sell yourselves
but Im no *****
Everyone in line
with hands out for more
Your world revolves my repertoire

So give me mine
before you get yours
before you get yours
before you get yours

Waiting in the wake
for a fate that doesn't come
must try to change my destiny
before I'm left with none.
I'd rather shine bright
and burn out quick
than spend a lifetime
being dimly lit.

There are times
I just want to escape the grid
the credit cards
the credit scores
the bills and percentage rates
the charge and taxation
on necessary human commodities
The consumerism
The slaving landscape
The lemming mentality
the ever shadowing electronic
device in my pocket
the focus on obtaining such
Where ignorance
becomes acceptable
to the future of our existence
Where currency
is the the ultimate shackle
that makes us
only clamor for more
the unavoidable contact
with detrimental chemicals
and all the people
who dreamily roll around in it
Sometimes
I just want to buy a cabin
in upper Michigan
too far, useless and meaningless
for any political
or corporate conglomerate to want

but how the hell would I get the internet?

Why does my worst poetry trend
while my best festers?

I'm finally convinced
that I must be a Martian
this lonely existence
I just don't seem to fit in
anywhere with anyone
as my human heart still splits
They're all so well versed in uncaring
Why should I give a ****?
but hurt is all I have worth sharing
I feel like giving in
than living and nearing
being just like them.

I am my agony
I am my self doubt
I'm the mounting problems
When I'm down and out
I am lack of faith
I am turmoil
My love turned to hate
On this mortal coil
I am discord
I am at a loss
What I can't afford
No matter the cost
I am my confusion
I am my flaws
I am what I am
From surviving them all.

Nothing but a giver
surrounded by takers
My mind left in slivers
from figuring the fakers
I try to convince
myself they give a ****
at my own expense
Im proven wrong again
as if heartlessness
is a trait of the strong
waiting weakened, wishing
that my own was gone

I don't feel how I used to feel
or see how I used to see
returning has lost its appeal
reliving in these memories

A warmth builds inside my eyes
haunted by ghosts dead and alive
at times I wished not to reprise
where love resides with broken ties

Is this some phantom imagery
or are they still in front of me?
Their faces can be plainly seen
or maybe I'm just seeing things

Mind in toil
Heart in strife
someday I may get this right
all that I can do is try
even if another life.

I know that I'm not all there
scattered pieces everywhere
I had to let parts of me die
just so others could survive
joy, pain, angst and rage
are just shards of the puzzle
I have to learn to turn the page
to break free from those struggles

doing so time after time
has taught me not to try
investing  in attempts to find
whats not worth sacrifice.

You're really not that far
     it only feels like it

Have you ever spilled your heart
only to watch it be lapped up
by the tongues of rodents?
Have you ever bared your soul
only to be chastised
by the soulless?

Have you ever had a simple question
met with a blank stare
and awkward silence?
Have you ever felt all that you mention
falls on deaf ears
with violent defiance?

Have you ever been so alone
that the only person
you can speak to is yourself?
Have you ever been left on your own
as matters worsen
with no one else to help?

While engulfed in the crowd,
you against all around?

Are you too afraid to tell?

Think its a tall tale?

Then all is well.

You're still alive.

Experiencing the one of infinite views

from a universal being

A miracle in itself.

How was I suppose to know
how deep these wounds would really go?
Sinking to a new low
for how cheaply I've sold my soul

Feeling like an animal
in a cage with no room to grow
Treated like a criminal
convicted of all that you stole

I am hollow
my time borrowed
die today
live tomorrow

Whys it so subliminal?
around these issues we tip toe
Pain is more than physical
from hitting bottom of this hole

Couldnt be more miserable
but I guess you reap what you sow
I suppose I'll let it go
and tumble on down this spiral

I am hollow
my time borrowed
die today
live tomorrow

Its the bed that I made
foot in the grave
whats left to save
with everything I paid?

Is this the monster that you wanted?
Was this the demon that you sought?
Was the atrophy of my emotions
not your endeavor?
Is captivation of my soul
not enough?
Is the constant trample through my mind
not where you wanted to exist?
Melted by the flame of passion
and remolded like clay
into this hideous contortion
You have the rest
take the final piece
as I become indifferent
to all these feelings.

Maybe we feel lifeless
   because we strive to be sterile.

Don't
  you
have
   some
other
  ****
to
  ****
for
endorsement?

Yes I wrote a book
it was on my bucket list
or at least thats what I say
since its mainly dismissed
Just sold my 57th copy
I suppose thats not too bad
because its 57 more copies
than if I never had.

The art of ignorance
  seems to be the most admired

I see through my own *******
past where the guise lies
I play the tortured artist
but I can escape at any time

I have grown used to the cold
it is what I've come to know
its in my surroundings
it is what I hold

Why try to compromise
what I have come to like?
I will not subside
in what I see as trite

I may contradict myself
but at least I can admit
while everyone else
seems to buy into their gambit

Just a lost lonely boy
who realized how stubborn
he has been
and had to let go
of what he will always love
despite his willingness
to fight for it
because he can no longer
let it follow over him
like a black rain cloud
hiding the sunshine
that once was

I swim in cursive
across a page
then I get converted
into the digital age

Ones and zeros
across the screen
an anti-hero
seeking truth beyond his means

Welcome to the cerebellum
of Jeremy Bean

I speak of darkness
and I am far from subtle
but I leave bread crumbs
that lead to the light at the end of the tunnel

and a trail of blood
that strays the other way
which direction you choose
makes no difference to me

These are just my thoughts
you can keep your pennies
its exploration of self
and that is fortune a plenty.

It could be just me
or the company I keep
but it seems like everybody
loves most what makes them weak.

A day will come
When these hands that touched you
will whither to bone
And the mind
Which constantly cradled your memory
Will be no more
Along with the heart that loved you
Which will cease to beat
Although,
It feels as if they already have

I read, and read, and read, and read
and sigh.

Instead of a teary exchange
with my weapon hand
trying to convince myself
that its time
I drank myself to sleep
in order to fight another day

I listened to Bukowski
Found what I love,
And let it **** me
But what do I do now?
I still seem to be breathing

If you're staring down the barrel
choose to look away
turn and face your perils
and there may be better days.

The Romance rack
was a hundred
times larger than Poetry

I think light beer is for *******
that is all. . .

My life existed
before your presence
I  never needed you
or to hear your voice
nor feel your touch
or share a moment
that brought a smile
to my face
in the worst of times
but I did want you
I still do
and that life
I look back on
feels that much
more empty
because of it.
Yet it still
merely exists
just as before

This notion seems unclear
and I really here?
I can't abide
decline divide
Outsider to the fear
divine denied
voided inside
step aside for what grows near.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwb7qfrkDCs

Tied to the stake
for leaving so many hearts
bewitched
She appears strong
as she glides past the labels
and finger pointing
knowing the mockery
is by those afraid
to look into themselves
but I know
of the tears
that fall behind closed doors
Which are never enough
to squelch
the fires they light

As bad as things just may be,
better
   awaits
        you.

What happens
when you know
you've finally broke
and your subconscious
is just that good at pretending?

Sometimes I get angry
that it is so easy
for me to invoke emotion
in others
yet so hard
to do so
within myself.
Then I realize
that at least I still feel something.