I said yes
To anchovies
To heights
To late nights
And climbing walls
I said yes
To friends
To strangers
To long distances
And strange roads
I said yes
To joy
To grief
To anger
And to love.

But most of all
For the first time ever
I said yes
To me

Should I call myself a traitor
For not honoring my needs
When I fall for you again
When I'm struggling to breathe

In the pool of old regrets
I'm still asking what it means
As I'm sinking to the floor
As I'm drowning to be free

I lament my current ignorance
For forgetting certain things
Like when I lay down in the dirt
From admitting our defeat

There's no basis for return
If you're always in my dreams
I had finally let you go
Until I ruined everything

I shouldn't play with fire
When my heart is made of weeds
But I was so desperate for attention
And the comfort it can bring

So I'll call myself a traitor
Cause I'm only hurting me
When I'm crawling back to you
And am on my hands and knees

This version of me, no more sad memories to follow
A heart that didn’t know how to love so bitter and hallow
This version of me more laughter and less pain
So many things that I endured will never feel the same
I’m letting go of all the bad things, they no longer have power
I spent hours and hours of being bitter and sour
Searching for love, searching through lust
So many broken promises, so many broken trusts
This version of me, I intend to keep the biggest smile
Im controller of my happiness
New editions tend to keep me at my best
To stay happy forever, you’ve brought me to my best
My best state I usually complain
Something about your soul just not the same
The only reason I’m not the same
The same, I could never be the same with you
I grow to be better once I obtained you
Filled with such peace, I never knew I could have peace
I hope you stay forever with me
, Please don’t ever hit release…

I have blossomed,
I have sewn.
From a girl of youth,
To a woman of grown.
My body
Is different.
To me it's unknown.
Though I feel
Such hatred,
For my newer mould.
But that is okay,
We all must grow.

And learn to love our beauty of old.

every single line on my body holds a memory
i’m usually embarrassed
the weird stares i get or the occasional questions from elders who don’t understand
sometimes people will even joke about it
or this one time a girl from my class told everyone i do it for attention
and at one point it might have been for attention, because i wanted someone to notice, to save me from my anguish
i always did have this obsession of being able to turn my mental pain into visible hurt
now i simply try to put it into words
and so when the sun comes out and the heat strokes start i try to cover them up
but at one point it got too hard to hide
and even though i’m better now, i’ll always be marked for life
i’m branded by my nightmares
but the monstrous marks tell a story
i’m alive and i’m full of memories
and even though most are bad, there’s a reason i’m here to show them

I fill my own cup today,
And realize just how satisfying it feels,
I put myself first and think about my needs,
Such a burden it is to never prioritise,
Such a burden it is to choose oneself last,
It is a novel experience, to choose me today,
Looking forward to what lays ahead,
I feel a sense of calm in this strangeness,
Like a river slowly flowing,
I hear the sound of water,
It lulls me to drift away,
Losing myself in the journey I’m about to take,
Making it about me, is not easy,
But I am learning to be free,
Cutting the strings that were once dear,
It’s okay to let go,
You are safe,
I remind myself against the sound of the soothing water,
You are safe,
You are free to fill your own cup
Replenish!

I don’t want to participate in this anguish,
I want to be left alone,
I let go of my weapons and surrender to a power far greater,
I let go of my ego and accept my defeat gracefully,
I let go of despair and I let in peace,
I let in god,
I let in love,
I let in forgiveness,
Surrendering will not diminish my worth,
Surrendering will act as a balm,
May you rejoice in your victory,
For this fight is not mine to lose,
For this fight has nothing to do with me

the day came
when i thought
that Love
wouldn't come
knocking
on my door.

i opened it,
expecting
my knight
in shining armour,
but all i saw
was a mirror
and a goddess
holding it up
to me.

she was smiling,
even if
my flaws
were brought
to light.

here,
here,
and here.

she said,
what a beautiful
being i am.

shining her
light
upon the shadows,
all i saw
was a hurt child,
wanting to be
loved
and feel loved.

she embraced me
as i embraced
myself.

love.
She changed me.