Was it when you beheld all 7 pounds and 8 ounces of me that you decided you didn't want me?
(All I ever wanted was to be wanted by you.)
Or when your boyfriends favored my flesh over yours?
(To be protected by you.)
Was it when my health bottomed, and I became too much of a burden that you realized you didn't care for me?
(To be nurtured by you.)
I know I felt it at 16 with split wrists and no future in sight when you screamed I was your biggest mistake.
(It's alright, I am my own.)
The heartstrings snapped one by one at 18 as you threw me away like Tuesday's trash, inconvenient to your days' plans.
(All I ever asked was to be guided by you.)
I felt your hatred suffocating me as I covered your claw marks on my wedding day.
(All I needed was to be a daughter.)
The walls crumbled the day I gave you silence and you gave me back Flame.
So, to answer the question:
Yes, you cared. But only about the things you could hate me for.
I guess I'll always be the favourite mistake.
*(When all I ever wanted was my mother's love.)

Ever sit for hours, staring at the waves?
Until the sun sets, and the moon shines on the water.
But the moon doesn't shine. It just blocks out the sun.
No phone vibrations, no messages,
And you're too tired to reach out.
Realization hits like a wall of water,
Tumbling in a powerful grip
A cold shock seizes your muscles.
No one notices a ghost on the docks,
a problem that's drifted beyond the horizon
Maybe one day, the waves will calm,
But for now, you're pulled under,
Disoriented,
With saltwater stinging your eyes.
Fillings your lungs.
Into the depths of solitude.
I don't know if you'll survive,
But the waves are so beautiful.

I feel like a half moon in a full blue sky, Weaving neap tides, a subtle lullaby. I drift in circles, revisiting places, Wishing the wind could carry me through spaces.

Caught in a cycle, I must confess, Some days I feel whole, moments of success. Everything's beautiful when I’m truly living, Yet I always find myself back at the beginning.

Like the moon, I have my phases, A relentless return to familiar places. In an unbroken cycle, a path well-tread, Like the moon, my heart waxes and wanes instead.

I'm a half moon in a full blue sky, Weaving neap tides, singing a lullaby. Drifting in circles, retracing my steps, Wishing the wind could carry me, I confess.

In this cycle, I find my truth, Days of fullness, moments of youth. When I'm present, life is a vivid scene, Yet I always return to where I’ve been.

Like the moon, my phases are clear, Always returning, year after year. In this unbroken cycle, my heart finds its way, Waxing and waning, night turns into day

Am I,
Not enough ?
The hurt is bitter,

Your words are tough.

Is she ,
Better than I?
Your little angel,

The apple to your eye.

But me?
I’m a mess.
A child of stress ,

You love me less.

And her ?
She’s your whole life.  
Living in your arms ,

Letting me die.

But alas ,
No need to shout.
Your actions speak louder,

Than words from your mouth.

Horrid memories finally faded
The sun's begun to shine through
And it seems as if this new day
Has finally forgotten about you

You like to pluck the
bones of my ribcage, with your callous
fingertips
Till they bleed
Like I
pluck the strings of my
backwards guitar, and watch the
flowers wilt away

I was at a funeral recently
A work colleague's father had passed away
It was a lovely ceremony
There was a lady in the choir who sang beautifully
All the lovely hymns
And then she did this wonderful rendition of 'Danny Boy'
Jeez! I could feel myself welling up
And I didn't even know the guy... the deceased
And then suddenly amidst all this sadness and celebration of his life
Suddenly this funny thought it just pops into my head
It says "Y'know when you die, at the funeral you should get the priest to do the reading
Of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead
A wonderful story
Lazarus's relatives come to Jesus and implore him to come and heal Lazarus who is sick
But by the time they get to his house they find he's been dead for a couple of days
But this news doesn't deter Jesus
He tells them to roll away the stone of the tomb
The tomb keepers protest"But he'll smell, he'll stink!"
But Jesus persists "Roll away the stone " he commands
So finally they agree and roll away the stone
Then Jesus cries "Come forth Lazarus, come out of the tomb"
If this was being read at my funeral
It'd creep out the whole congregation
When the priest would say "Come forth Lazarus, come out of the tomb"
They'd all start looking nervously over at the coffin
And maybe suddenly there'd be this sound of wood giving way
And then the coffin lid would slide off
And a hand would appear on the side of the coffin
And then I'd sit bolt upright in the coffin like a lovely little Count Dracula
I'd have a big smile on my face
And I'd say to them all
"Hi everybody, it's OK
I'm back for another round".

Don't worry,
in one of these days I'll be gone,
you wouldn't know where I will be,
you wouldn't know where to would I run.
But don't worry,
it will be in a place where you would like.
you wouldn't know it's in a quaint surftown,
it will be somewhere you'll also wanna hide.

No doubt,
sometime soon I'll be away,
I know you wouldn't feel the longing,
you wouldn't know the feeling of being astray.
But don't doubt,
I'll be in a place where I wanna be with you,
you wouldn't know if I'm in some place warm.
I'll be with you anywhere and you know it too.

So I'll be everywhere.
You'll find me in the air, in flowers, in breeze.
I'll be wherever there's summer, even winter.
I'll be everywhere.
You'll find me in the moon and in palm trees.

But you have to tell me these too;
"I want you gone."
"Please hide."
"Please run."
"You're not the one I like."
"Go away."
"I don't wanna be with you."

Then I'll be gone, I'll go hide.
I'll run, hide some more, and hide, and hide.

Then I'll be nowhere.
You'll find me in the fleeting January air,
I'll be wherever there's no spring, all fall.
I'll be nowhere.
You'll find me in December, or nowhere at all.