a dragonfly following my car on the 405
birds dancing together in the sky
on my way to school in beautiful santa monica

embarrassment
for going to ask for the things i need
walking into a center for disabled students
makes me think somethings wrong with me
but it's okay to ask for help
it's powerful
it's brave
it's encouraging
it's what i need to do
to take care of myself
my mental health

from the start i was drawn in
i felt seen and heard
to learn again, you
were already being loved wholeheartedly
the way i wanted to for you

it's odd how easily it is for me to believe
that because of the rarity of my expectations
being met, though they are high
tend to fall already in place with another
it's frustrating to linger between the ideas
continue pursuing and answer the questions
or lean into fully pursuing myself completely

again bothered by my immense pursuit
of those the universe offers as lessons or
pure experiences apart of life
bothered by my self deprecation while
trying to learn the ropes of early adulthood
feeling older than i am
yearning for those ahead of me
rather than my past of before me

through thinking it through i would still be
grateful
to become friends and enjoy the moments to be
shared
although i know it'll hurt to be less than i'd want
to with you