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Zane Smith Oct 3
embarrassment
for going to ask for the things i need
walking into a center for disabled students
makes me think somethings wrong with me
but its okay to ask for help
it's powerful it's brave it's encouraging
it's what i need to do to take care of myself
8/28/24
Zane Smith Oct 3
from the start i was drawn in
i felt seen and heard
to learn again, you
were already being loved
the i wanted to for you

it's odd how easily it is for me to believe
that because of the rarity of my expectations being met,
though they are high
tend to fall already into place with another
it's frustrating to linger between the ideas,
continue pursuing and answer the questions
or lean into fully pursuing myself completely

through thinking it through i would still be grateful
to share a friendship
although i know it'll hurt to be less than
i'd want with you
6/29/24
Zane Smith Aug 23
my younger self as i age
i notice the pattern of growing fonder of myself
I love me.
little me deserves the world
and so does the woman i am today.
I will continue to work on loving myself
wholeheartedly with all my flaws
07/27/24
Zane Smith Aug 23
yes them being gone is tragic
but now they are up above
obviously an angel
if anything they will now forever guide you.
Their light and energy was always bright as ever
it was a relationship i had never experienced with anyone else.
No one has ever met me at that level emotionally before
the bond was immediate and genuine
never having to second guess trust being an issue.

I was extremely compelled to make myself sure
that they are still
HERE
05/22/24
Zane Smith Aug 23
which is why I still haven't brought him up
and won't
as much as i explain to her
she's gonna read right through me and we both already know
i see right through him.
04/22/2024
Zane Smith Aug 23
trying to find the right way
to want to do this but I don't think there is
a right way to want to do this but i don't think
there is a right way to most things.
so
Very deeply I've been feeling the urge to confront you
about a multitude of things
But i've also felt myself pull away from the idea
because i'm not a confrontational person.
You've hurt me in many ways which I've made clear already,
but yet I've gotten no apology
which tells me you're not sorry and you don't care.
Maybe you do, you tell me you do
but your actions are way louder than your words in my ears.
I'm not gonna be here for you anymore
I need to call you on your ******* cuz you give me way 2 much
of it.
I want to believe you and usually do but I don't anymore.

people change i get it
that's not an excuse to be ******
not to the one who gave and gave
but got a mirage instead to spare their feelings.
say it how it is

ur muddling me stepping on me
hoping for reconnection and closure
loose promises
01/29/23
Zane Smith Aug 23
dissociating to the point where my surroundings
don't feel familiar
scary in a sense but yet grounding
in other moments I feel immensely connected
to the world around me and others
experiencing distance yet such profound
closeness
I haven't been in touch with spirits lately
but my own seems to be searching around
more than i know i'm seeing the world around me
falling back into old patterns
working on distancing certain people
I want to explore myself more
create new patterns meet more people
touch more of the earth

this year will be more exciting and fufilling
I'll stretch my arms out
rather than turning them to the other path
accepting more random opportunities i hope
likely to feel fear anxiety and other troubles
but feelings pass like clouds but I'll be the sky
01/23/2023
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