That feeling when your father wakes you up
Says goodbye because he's going to work
And mentions for you to try harder with your new hair
Because the other day it looked like a boy
I wish I was a boy, but no girl ever wants to her that
Let's be honest.
Im not girly, but everyone wants to feel pretty
And something about the way he said it
Made me feel so... ugly
I cried the rest if the day, because a lot had happened (days before)
And all I'll say about that is I overheard him say
"She's going to drag her sister down by not being popular"
Then something else about my friend group
People always 'say oh don't listen to your parents'
You are beautiful
But how freaking hard do you think it is
To have heard from your own father
That you. being yourself, might hurt your sisters rep
Doesn't that make it feel nice to exist.
When I was in theatre the other day,
And my friend said I was pretty.. I reacted
Because I didn't believe it
Because he caused me to take a second glance in the mirror
And think i am ugly
I used to be so secure and high esteem
But it's hard to have that when your own father
Who you've trusted your whole life say those words
Without caring whether your window of life is smudged or cracked
Or even thinking the words I've heard whispered just behind my ear
When they thought I was asleep, or in another room
I WAS THERE
And I heard what you thought..
I know how you feel...
And I try to block it out and mask it with a smile
But the truth is it is always there.
And I know what you want.
You want the satisfaction of saying your daughter is best in everything
You want the feeling of the starting point guard, straight A's, popularity, and beauty.
Everytime I force myself to pull through it's not so much I want it, but that if I dont get it you are disappointed
And the look on your face causes trembling fingers and puffy eyes for days...
The day you told me stop being a ******* Eartling just so that's would please your hunger for triumph.
To fill in the hole of what maybe you didn't get in your childhood.
All to run down and shatter your daughter
Who now has a brand new issue to face and it's not trophies or medals..
But to think now it's come down to a *reflection in a makeup smudged mirror