they are always talking about me, aren't they
when they look into the group and say
some of you will have a different vocation
they are always talking about me
because I am not brave enough to correct people
when they say, "when you have kids"
they are always talking about me
because I imagined a day yesterday
walking through an airport to board a plane
on a mission, with a God-loving group of people,
singing, heavy backpacks and joy in our hearts
ready to handle anything life could throw at us
and united in love together for the rest of the world
and I felt an enormous sense of relief,
"I made it. this is what I've been fighting for."
I finally made it, I'm home-
isn't that beautiful?
I know exactly where I'm supposed to be
I'm just not ready to exactly say it yet.

it is not by accident
we share the same mind
we are both willing to ask for help deciding
our levels of consciousness
you see the present and i see the past and the future
you guide me and show me how to laugh
our hearts have been inextricably tied
even now, i know what you are thinking,
i miss you more than you know,
i want you next to me,
do you remember when i felt so terrible that night
that i broke, thinking 'i need to apologize to ashton'
but i didn't, i scrolled through my contact list and i called you
because it was for you, it was all for you,
since the day that changed both our lives forever,
but we can never be together
because i cannot give you what you want
and i am undeserving of you,
and i will never make you have to see my father again,
but i am selfish enough to keep coming back to you myself
you said that i was the only one you missed
because we have history,
and like fire, i have blazed and trained myself
since three years ago, my hands have been cleansed and prepared for war,
we needed time to dance alone til God brought us back together,
and laying under the stars, we held hands
as a supernova bloomed, the star's age died
and so did our past, we are ready for each other now,
we are ready for each other now,
there is so much to write about,
we are ready for each other now,
but maybe we cannot be,
too much has transpired and i have seen the core of your being
and our paths have irreparably broken and crossed
we shall always be a part of each other
and maybe that is too much,
but maybe that is exactly what needs to be.

Passion fascinates me
Today, a Jehovah's Witness came to the door
and I couldn't help but smile and accept his pamphlet
because why the heaven not
yehovah or yeshua,
it is still my Lord
who ignites hearts and
guides the fire towards love
I see people looking like no one has ever loved them
like they are lost, confused, without a home,
adults who are supposed to be 'well adapted'
forcing children to accept gender roles and claiming them themselves
don't they know that God is a God of love?
using hate to make others love your way is illogical, wrong, and painful for everyone.
think of others,
and if, when you read that, you thought,
"yeah some people **** well should"
you're the one that needs to. I realized this weekend
that I will die
and my light will burn out
and I will never experience anything again
so by all **** means, I will be extreme
don't call me an extremist,
why the hell not? you have no time to be mediocre
no time to ignore the voice from the heavens
or the spirit burning within you,
no time to filter it or spray the special spray
be intense, extreme, anything and everything,
the most you can possibly be.
we used to look and wonder about our place in the stars,
and now we just look and worry about our place in the dirt,
what has happened to the human spirit?
we have forgotten we were destined for God.
we have forgotten what greater glory there was
and we have laughed at each other until the little girl
ready for her first recital,
cries before performing, because the audience knows not the kindness
they have never been taught,
the soldier stands desperate, and runs, because he has never been shown
why he should stay,
the gentlest of all get their hearts broken, because we have forgotten how to be
soft and strong,
so the hardest survive and the softest are broken and broken again and again until there is nothing left, because they have nothing to hang on to,
so find God again, let him show you how to be, do not be afraid,
he has the best plans for you,
and do not think he does not love you,
he loves you so much that he gave his life for you,
you, exactly who you are, ready to dance into the world,
he stands beside you, urging you on, he is all positive and upbuilding,
our God is a God of inspiration, not brokenness,
he will heal you and show you how to heal,
he will dance with you and mend your heart,
he will lift you to the highest pedestal if that is what is best,
or he will break you down if that is what will make you strong,
you have a choice,
for he will change you anyway,
but you may choose to accept him and know that it is because of love,
or reject, hate, and feel more broken than ever.
So, let the king of kings into your heart, because no one has ever
loved you, nor will ever love you,
as much as he does,
and he will take you into his arms and show you the world-
you are ready, you are exactly who you are supposed to be,
know that, and never forget it,
be extreme, be intense, that is what the Lord wants,
he is not looking for someone who sits quietly and accepts their lot,
he wants someone willing to change and leap and guide,
because we are not made for mediocrity,
we are made for greatness.

Do you ever have that dream
When you kiss that guy?

Yeah me neither...

it has been a long time since I have written.
I can feel the words pulsing like worlds throughout me
but I cannot express them like I used to, my cogs are rusty and
the conveyor belt paused, not for maintenance but
for lack of workers, they died in their confined control
room, barking orders to the rest of it. They died here
trying to run this mystical wonderland
and have not been able to return.

burning alive inside my own skin, I feel,
I am suffocated into a kind of peace, a peace that says
do not stand or sit, this is good enough
a peace that is to emulate the earth,
eternal, unmoving, in accordance with being changed,
molding into the world around it
but my Lord, I hear him calling, he says that true peace is
not to stay like the earth, he says that it is
rather, to wreak a change so vast in the passion of the heart
that it can only have been caused by a vision of self
that is based in unity, to force and break something in the world
you must exist in the violence of feeling and stay true
and though the world might roll and thunder around you
your soul is stronger and has the power to gather and clench
the tendons wrapped around the galaxies
burning and writhing the masses of hurricanes
bending the will of tempests
for your soul is unconquerable, your peace shall not come from
lying down and accepting, your peace is in your core, while you are
driven irresistibly forward, like the tide of the greatest ocean,
your depths, unprobed, crevasses and mountains stretched
like continents displayed across, a nobility of design
your might, unknown, your eyes burn with a hesitancy and trust
that you cannot hide, and you shall reach your hand up
into the annals of history and tear and vandalize pages at will,
no one is going to stop you, no one can stand in your way,
for the wisest and bravest of all men will fear what you are capable of.

separation of church and state
means the state cannot interfere with individuals' right
to practice their religion
and public institutions cannot forbid certain religions and allow others
it does NOT mean the church is not allowed in public
it does NOT mean the schools can forbid students from praying
it means the school and the government have no rights
to stop these actions
and have no control
over the actions of individuals
regarding religion,
not that individuals have no rights regarding religion
for the sake of other individuals being 'oppressed' by your free expression.
if you don't work for the government,
you have the right to practice. don't forget it.