It was a twist of fate....
It was more than I could take....
Who would have  known of this tragic moment?
In a split second, I find myself in a strange scenario.
I want no more memories.....
Sadly, they're all that's left with me,
Mingling...with
Feelings unexpressed,
Words unspoken...
Things I kept to myself before,
They're all bottled up inside me,
I fear I might explode...
With every beat of my heart,
I am reminded of how I lost you...
The pain, the angst,
Will not just fade overnight...

So let me open my heart to you now,
Dear Anna......you were my first...
I love you and your siblings,
But right now is between you and me.
Somehow, I see
How tight I had held you then...
How your tiny hands I had kissed so often
Before I let you go.....I had to let you go...
I wasn't the one who raised you...
I wish I could turn back the times,
I wish I had been the one....
This knife cuts so deep, it crucifies me...
You kept saying goodbye
In more ways than I could remember....
But...I failed, to perceive the hidden truths
In your messages,
I will be sorry for the rest of my life...

I love you, Anna, how do I cope?
I have no more strength...
I am in panic, I have no more hope...
A different perspective now resides within me...
I can't face tomorrow, because you won't be there.
If I were given a choice,
I wouldn't wish to see another sunrise...

I feel the emptiness of your space, here and now...
But...something...keeps pricking my brain.
An idea that somehow, creates sparks in my mind...
A consoling thought, it kind of pats my heart...

The sweet little daughter you left behind?
It makes me smile, as
I see her now, going through your stuff,
On your bed, where you had left them all scattered...
She has taken over, she's now in your space...
A glimmer of hope, she will be...
To pull me through each, and
Every agonizing night...

I love you, I miss you, my dear Anna........

          (August 2013)

                 Sally        

        Copyright 2013
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan

I don't show her all the poems
I write,
Because if I did,
I would be picking up
***** crying tissues
From every room.

I don't show her all the poems
I write,
Because if I did,
My neck would be sore,
My back twisted,
My arms black n blue
Where she alternatively
Hugged me too hard or punched me harder,
For making her sadmadhappy,
Or just one of
all of the above.

I don't show her all the poems
I write,
Because some are meant for her to read,
Après les deluge,
After I'm gone,
Safely but sadly,
Out of her reach,
And the man who always carries
Tissues for her,
Has finally
Run out of stock.

Sun to the moon*

They said you were worse with your constant phases
And I cannot keep up with every month
They told me you would never get together with me
And it makes me sad, because you're up there happy with the stars
They said you weren't so fond of things that appeared to be very bright
But you admire the twinkles the starts would make
They said you don't like the hotness during the day
Main reason why you would only appear during the night
For it brought you coldness and comforted you somehow

But I know better, I know all about your scars
And how you wished it would just fade away
I have seen your creases and dirt all over you
And how you say that stars can't help you cover it up permanently
I know about how many times you have been hurt and stepped on before
Of how you would only show a part of you to others
But I have seen the perfect roundness of your curves
For I cherish every moment of this when an eclipse occurs

If loving you means dying every night
Just to let you breathe
Then I would do it every time
And if you had enough of the stars
That the wishes you wished were a big disappointment
You know you could always come to me
And I promise, I will do my best to make you smile
One day when you get tired of wanting to shine for others through the night
I could be the one to brighten up things for you.

he
whispered to me to love him
through the tough times.
and he made me aware
and let me know how tough
his tough times could be.

but I couldn't understand why
he had no faith in me. Of course
I'd be with him within and without.
through everything; did he really think
I would bail on him once he showed sides
of himself that I was unaware of?

because little did he know,
I knew him better than he knew himself.
I knew how he ordered two creams
and one milk in his coffee though
it made his coffee too black. I knew
when he said "bye" he wanted me to kiss
the sadness from his lips.
I knew how he wanted me to *love more
than the actual definition of love
could sustain.

I knew.