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Love—is anterior to Life—
Posterior—to Death—
Initial of Creation, and
The Exponent of Earth—

I'm too sad to write my college essays
My loneliness is not allowing me to concentrate
But if I don't get into Uni,
how will I get a job to support us?

Maybe I'm too focused on my fear
that there won't even be an "us" to support
I over think everything, day after day
My brain will analyze every move I make so I don't upset you,
why can't it do the same for Algebra?

If there were a class on depression
I'd be the star pupil
They'd label me as brilliant
if only my grades were as high as my anxiety levels

The only fix would be a class on you
I could learn your ins and outs
and create a formula on winning your heart
Instead of a final, I could just fall in love with you
and pass with flying colors

The noble may be naughty, when the moon is shown intensely
For a woman is like life, and I crave her soul immensely
Longing to be captivated by visionary delights
For her to be my tender reveries on ever restless nights    
Imagining ****** moments with her until they disappear
Thoughts of looking into her eyes wishing she were near
Exploring her minds desires and the fears, she holds inside
To the breaking of her defenses, releasing emotional tides
Of happiness and elation at the beauty of it all
Even forcing me to level, my emotional wall
Still I always sense destruction, just off the new horizon
Like two, unsteady chemicals, exploding from within
Yet I cannot step away from the bursting of my heart
But to spend time with her, I would risk being blown apart.

and i did not conquer
the demons
that live inside my head
or the devils
that walk with me
i loved them instead

so i became obsessed with
joining those
i adore as my own ghost
the ethereal
the deathly is what
i dream of the most

now i have grown into
beautiful fantasies
of blood and eternal sleep
the desire to die
to free myself is the
greatest secret i keep

i slowly doubt the efficacy
of living and
breathing as others do
my lovely shadows
my best friends
i am coming to join you

*© Tara India.

Looking in the mirror you see from whence you came
Looking back was never meant to be filled with so much pain
I know where I have been and
I know where I plan on going
But by looking in the mirror I see what is really showing
I’m the girl you once knew but never understood
I’m the girl who could do great things but never dreamed she could
I’m the girl who looked in the mirror and saw who she really was
I’m the girl, with broken dreams of roses and of doves
I’m the girl whose heart was broken into two
I’m that girl, don’t you remember?
But who, may I ask, are you?
The broken shards behind me, hide what is really there
The blood and pain of others who pretended to really care
Giving up my love was such an easy thing to do
But I gave it up to early, I gave it all to you
We were young and unafraid of what would soon become
Of us together, apart or us together as one?
It was magic, it seemed to be
The magic of you and the magic of me
But magic doesn’t work for those who refuse to pay
So we paid yesterday, we’re paying now, we pay for it today
I’m the girl who forgot nothing comes without a price
I’m the girl whose great friend was a long and sharp kitchen knife
I’m the girl you loved but then quickly threw away
I’m the girl who looked in the mirror and saw who she is today
I’m the girl whose heart was broken into two
I’m that girl, don’t you remember?
But who, may I ask, are you?

And I wish that I could write
of pleasant things, of smiles and summer days,
But they would be dull, lifeless words,
that lie limp on the page,
like dusty plastic flowers.
My soul finds beauty in the palms of sorrow,
amid the lines of worry and heartache,
such beauty, that it can, and will,
describe it forever.

You know its 5am when you hear the birds start to chirp,
And the sound of water boiling for my dads morning coffee,
I can’t keep my eyes closed,
All my thoughts seem to stop me,

All night they've been running through my head,
I start to think,
A thousand miles and hour,
Things like, "figure life out Dylan",
You need will power, to succeed,
But not to the point where my mind is corrupt by money and greed,
And all the hate that comes with its need,
Or should i say want,

We make the important things obscure,
And blow up which celebrity is on drugs and lost,
Which diamond rings are new in stock,
And how many lives they cost, each,
I think its sick, teens wanting an eating disorder and being malnourished because its
"Hot"?
No wonder i can’t sleep.