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Feeling numb, even blind, i am deaf,
i don't want to move or react anymore...
i feel my soul depart from me,
it moves, light as a feather
skimming above deep waters...

my eyes have this fixed gaze
as i drown in a river of tears...
I have wept unceasingly,
day and night....

my feet....

they struggle, wading on sad waters,
the current is harder to deal with, this time...
The sand underneath, softer,
I am
almost sinking....

angels, good souls surround me
easing pain, watching,
pulling me up, so i may not go deeper...

i know,
i feel their love...
but the hurt,
it is all over me...

i am torn between
pain and duties...

i feel the
space
of being alone,

because...

i want to be alone,

to sink
lower

deeper.

~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~

b u t,

this sense of selflessness,
it prevails...
for their very sake....
i must be with them...hold their hands...
lead them through...

they, that surround me...
they are, what's left of me,
they are...the rest of me...


it is most transparent...
i could feel it... now...

there is joy...found in pain...



Sally

Copyright 2014
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
Thinking of Maria...
A bright full moon invites,

midnight blue firmament is rich with starlight

while a gentle sea breeze blows on this starry night,

making stargazing such a delight...


Twas a house in a quaint village, with a dimly lit gazebo,

two shadows, two lovers' hearts are aglow .......

to Schubert's Serenade, they dance, embrace, like Romeo and Juliet

their bodies, clinging so close, now turn to moving silhouettes...


the night's romantic mood attunes with the weather...

in the garden's hidden corners,

further down, near the sea waters

nameless couples coo at each other...
,
hoping for that promise of union

waiting for its consummation...


On
    this
          fascinating
             ­            lovers'
                                 night

a captivating
                     full
                          moon
                             ­     invites...

alas.....

            my  
                  co­ld
                            empty
                                      arms...

                 ­     
..............it
          ......  does
                        ... not
                                 ... excite...


:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
~~~~~~~­~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sally

Copyright 2014
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
I wish to scream, to explode
the mirror in front of me, I
see unclean, I see weakness
within me.

I wish I could hit out, to remove
this fear with in, to hide the marks
given to me for just being me.

My rage and anger are deep, but to
you I am weakness never a chance
to fight back as you stain my child
hood with violence bruises where
others can not see.

You install terror and fear, is this a
life worth this much pain will it
ever end will I be free.

Silent screams at the mirror as I see
only weakness that you have made
me feel, I am, I will not give up I
maybe just a child but I will grow
and then one day the fear you will
fear will not be on me but retribution
for the push bag you made me..
only lasted 6 months but felt like  life time a cushion so no bruises
just pain, but I grew stronger, I still flinch now when startled but never will I fall victim ever again...
Their world
is based
on
comfort
and
comfort
has
it's own
section
in the
city.
I was such a beautiful child,
With my shoulder lengths of
Sun bleached barley.

Smiled little pearl soldiers in
Line. Old glassesless ladies
Took me for
Girlchild.

But I grew twisted like an
Appletree around a
Graveyard path
Lightpost.

Teeth came out crooked.
Hair fell out at thirteen.
I was big for my age;
Grew other hair in places
I never knew I would.

My voice broke as if in
Sorrow over the child
Inside that had
Died. After that I spoke as if
Into a bucket.

Sometimes I catch my father
Gazing at me through a slight veil
Of grievance for that same
Child.

I would never dream
To blame him.
I look at you on the sofa.
Lying there all young, healthy
And warm, and I don't just want you
In the obvious sense; I want your
Liver, kidneys, flat stomach, strong,
Long, young legs.
Frankenstein's parts-storage
I want your youth.  

I can't have it. I can't take it
And have it. Angry. I want to
Kick your ***, but not really.
I want your mouth to
Expell something
Other than this
Teenage girl
Chatter.

I want to hit your pretty face
With all of my one-third-life-crisis-
Frustration behind it
With a pillow.
Eat feather, child!
Chew cotton!
Munch goose!

Straight left-straight right.
I have fought men
Twice my size,
I'll beat you up
Until you
Suffocate
And surrender
From
Laughing
So
Hard.
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