you want game? I will place you in one.
beware. no one makes it out alive.
how does it feel?
to be played in your own game?
be tricked in your own set of rules
Is it fun to be played? No right?
so why play when you do not wanna play fair?
you do not know the mechanics of this game.
but you seem to act as if knowing the rules by rote memorization makes you win
know the rules by heart and you win.
honey, you are not suitable for my liking.
and so is the game you play.

I was weak.
That’s the truth I’m trying to swallow.
Not proud—never proud.
Just... hollow.
It wasn’t love.
It wasn’t joy.
It was me, trying to outrun the man I failed to become for you.

Her perfume didn’t enchant me—it distracted me.
Her laugh didn’t move me—it made me forget the silence I created between us.
You were there every night—polishing shoes, folding shirts, But I looked at comfort and called it routine.
I mistook loyalty for obligation.
And when I felt small, I found a way to feel wanted again—cheaply, recklessly.

Yes, it was weakness.
Not temptation.
There were no fireworks.
Just a flicker in the dark and the sound of me closing the door behind your back.
I regret it—every mark she left And every trace I brought home to unravel you.
You didn’t deserve to feel second to anyone. Ever.

But here I stand, not asking for forgiveness— Just owning the wreckage and calling it mine.

I’ll try to wipe away my tears
And conquer all of my fears
No matter how many times I fall down
Stand tall and wear thy crown

Stand tall and proud
In front of the huge crowd
Chin up and smile
This nervousness will only take just for a while

I am not a toy for you to play and own
Cause I am born royalty to sit in my own throne
I am not a puppet on your strings
For you to do your ***** things

Since I am she
And she is Queen
Since she is me
And I deserve to be my own Queen

You cannot control me
I am my own Queen
I don’t need a King
Cause baby I can do anything

I have everything
I am everything
That you are not
That you are not

You cannot manipulate me
I am hidden and cannot be seen
Cause I am one in a million
One, one of a kind

Yeah, I don’t mind
Leaving you in oblivion

I can just watch you fall
Like a domino tile
It’s a wakeup call
But keep running for a mile

Cause Karma is going to chase you
Guilt is going to make you regret it
Arrogance is what makes you not worth it
Don’t wait for the day that I’m going to end you


I still stand on solid ground
And I am hell-bound
Cause a Queen like me does not need a King like you
So, it means Goodbye cause we’re through

I got my own name
I know I will never be the same
I never play games
Cause I know I can never be tamed

Oh, pick up the cross you carry
Even though it’s too heavy
But start walking again
Even though it stings and you’re in pain

One day I will rise up
And let all the crowd shut up
I didn’t need a pair of wings to fly higher
Cause I was born a fighter

I just need to raise my heads up to the sky
And let them hear my battle cry
No matter how hard we try
I still believe in You and I

You let me rise up
Just to drag me down
You stack me up
Just to let me down

How come you build me now
And destroy me once and for all
And let me fall
But I’m unbeatable, unbreakable now

Bury me alive
I will be back before you know it
Please let me be alive
I will behave like you know it

Curse me on my coffin
Say your prayers to my grave
I’m six feet below my grave
I despise you deep within

Go and run away
Hide where your guilt feelings haunt you
Escape where your conscience bothers you
Go and hide away

Sleep and let your nightmares seek you
Let them visit you
Go and vanish away
Go and stay away

There was a scene from a series I once saw while scrolling—a moment between a mother, her son, and his wife. It lingered with me, not just because of the dialogue, but because it unveiled something I hadn’t quite put into words before.

My mother believes she knows me. She sees me as her daughter, shaped by the experiences she’s witnessed. But that isn’t knowing me—not fully. She knows the version of me I allow her to see, the echoes of moments she has observed. Yet, she does not know the thoughts that have weighed on my mind, the struggles that have unraveled in silence. She does not know the battles I have fought when no one was looking.

She thinks she knows me. But she knows only the reflection of who I’ve been in front of her—not the depths of what has been.

The moment she spoke, the words came without hesitation—an assertion that I had never known hardship the way they did back then. But what was her point? Was I supposed to experience the same struggles to justify seeking work, to endure a job that drains me?

I believe in the seasons of life, in the ebb and flow that shapes each journey. Not everything you wish for will always fall into place. The tide does not rush to meet you at every shore. No—like the dock, like the shore, everything has its own timeframe. There is a rhythm to when things arrive, when they retreat.

Sometimes, the wisest choice is not to charge forward blindly but to pause—to listen to the tide when it rises, to recognize when the storm makes waiting the better path.

To my father, who sees me only through the lens of my mistakes. Tricky, isn’t it?

I was never the favorite—it was never something I felt. And in the moments when I tried to speak my mind, I was seen as rude. You let your wounded pride dictate your reaction, resorting to physical abuse when my words unsettled you.

I wonder why it was always acceptable for you to speak harshly to us, to offend, to joke with a half-meant sting. And when we hurt, when silence became our response, it was dismissed—just as we were. We let it go, swallowed it whole, because if we spoke, we were the ones in the wrong. We were the ones without respect for you.

Respect, it seems, was only expected when it was convenient for you!

But to my partner—the one who sees beyond both my silence and my noise. Beyond my laughter and my tears, my vulnerabilities and my strength. The one who notices even when I am invisible, and who does not need to chase me when I seek attention.

He sees me.

I have never needed to pretend.

With him, I am raw. Unfiltered. Whole.

He knows me from deep within and from outside. He understood the assignment once I kept silent for a while.

He knows me from all of me.

You wanted a fight,
I brought war to your home.
You brought issues,
I brought destruction.

Think twice and bring whatever you want,
But let me tell you,
What you bring is three times worse in return.

Release the Kraken,
they might say,
But a winged Pegasus,
paired with Medusa’s head
Is mightier than anything you've offered.

we danced for danger,
I thought things for drastic measures
lost my way into the woods
glad I met someone like you—
get ready for it

sang a chorus of songs like a plea for help,
stray me my sanity
but still, I love him
though the forest never promised safety
I stayed

his silhouette flickered between trees
a lullaby and a warning yet I followed

I absorb words as if I was a sponge—
soft, yielding until the flood finds me
and I no longer float, but sink singing

A favorite song of mine titled Sa bawat sandali sung by Amiel Sol always left me a last song syndrome impression.
I always remember the moments when my hubby gets tired from work or from anything else. He always wanted to see me. He always wanted to seek for my comfort, and I understood him.

That is why when I always hear this song, it made me reminisce because I am thinking of him. When the world is too chaotic for you to bear, or when you can no longer carry the weight of the burdens you felt, just come to me and I will always welcome you with open hands and hug you right away.

Be the peace and resting place your partner seeks. Be there for him or her. Like the clouds, they cry when it is too heavy for them to not carry their excess baggage anymore.

The chorus went like:

Kapag magulo na ang mundo
(When the world becomes chaotic)

Ikaw ang payapang hinahanap-hanap ko
(You are the peace I long for)

Tumakbo ka rin patungo sa 'kin
(Run toward me as I run to you)

Kapag bumibigat na ang iyong dibdib
(When your heart grows heavy)

Ika'y sasalubungin
(I will be here to welcome you)

One thing that reckons me was— a force that cannot be avoided.
Like a secret— a smoke as I described it
Cannot be kept on one's hand
For it reveals itself on its own.
Tricky, perhaps, any scientist or philosopher would dare question
Not even a dummy can spin a roulette
Not even a hero can toss a coin to the ferryman to cross the bridge when we got there
I know my rights, my rules as a woman
And one of the words you claim of me, is not counted.
Hence, the releasing of secrets began like one's fate is sealed and revealed at the same time
Life made me question my abilities
My identity made me question my worth
Who was I, right?
That even the scapegoat was crucified for us to be saved from our sins.

Life’s plans don’t always unfold the way we expect, but God’s timing is far greater than our own.

In 2023, I was diagnosed with Conn’s syndrome and arrhythmia—a tormenting discovery. But I placed my worries in God alone, praying for a miracle.
When my doctor told me my left adrenal gland needed to be removed, I faced it with faith. Through laparoscopic surgery in August 2024, I underwent the procedure.

By late October, I enrolled in an online review center for my major in English while self-studying Professional Education and General Education at home.
For five months, I listened to myself—allowing rest when I wasn’t in the mood to study, watching TV when I needed a break.
I did not overwork my mind.
I slept when I was tired, ate when I was hungry, read when I was bored.

Instead of memorizing concepts, I familiarized myself with them. When my exam came on March 23, 2025, some mnemonics I had memorized appeared, but many questions were unfamiliar.
Afterward, I was drained, so I went to see my partner, and we shared a meal.
My thoughts were exhausted, my body weary—but the experience was strangely fulfilling.

On Monday evening, a friend visited, and we spoke about everything—the exam, life, the future.
I took time to rest before preparing to find a job, whether online or in person.
Adulthood has been overwhelming, but also incredibly joyful.

Seasons of waiting teach us far more than we realize. Opportunities come and go, but taking the risk never leaves you empty-handed. If you win, wonderful—but if you lose, you walk away enriched with experience. You may begin without skill, but you end with wisdom.

God’s seasons are always beautiful if you have the patience to wait. We often lose hope when life feels stagnant, when our efforts seem insufficient. Waiting is never easy—many falters, stumble, and fail because of impatience. Rushing only leads to mistakes, while taking the time to grow brings lasting beauty.

The secret to making life beautiful isn’t in haste; it’s in the process. Growth requires patience, like a baby learning to walk—it doesn’t happen overnight. No child is born today and walking tomorrow. Every milestone takes time; every lesson is earned through practice.

Seasons of waiting test our endurance, and yes, they can feel frustrating—even overwhelming. But remember, the best things come to those who wait. In patience, we find wisdom. In slowing down, we find meaning. And in trusting the process, we discover that life unfolds exactly as it should.

Got me blinded by the probe lights
          It got me nauseous
          But I’ve been cautious
          Got my mind static to see bright flashing lights

          I’m so depressed
          Stressed
          I intake medicine to relieve the pain
          But I’m no longer numb enough
          To not feel the pain
          I know life is tough

          Can’t control my mind
          My mind controls me
          Can’t control my thoughts
          I overthink nonsense thoughts

          There’s an aura before it starts
          It brings strange smells and tastes
          Tingling sensations, a feeling out of control
          It brings memory slips and confusion

          I’m so fatigued
          Exhausted and weak
          Emotional waves, anxiety at its peak
          Fear and euphoria, they both intertwine

          But the thoughts keep racing
          They won’t slow down
          In this storm of sensations
          I’m caught in between

          So I take my medicine
          Hope for relief
          It’s a battle each day
          Amidst disbelief

Ang kalayaang ipinagkait sa akin ng tadhana,  
ang kalayaang gumala na naglaho parang bula.  
Singlayo ng mga tala, hindi maabot,  
nawala dahil sa isang pagkakamali—  
isang pagkakamaling hindi sinasadya.  

Ngunit ang pagkakamaling iyon,  
nauwi sa paulit-ulit na pagkakasala,  
hanggang naging bahagi ng bawat araw.  
Dalawampung taon akong nabuhay  
sa mundong walang tiwala  
mula sa aking mga magulang.  

Ilang beses kong binalikan  
ang mga tanong,  
nagbabakasakaling hanapin ang sagot.  
O, kalungkutan, lubayan mo na ako!  
Naririnig ko ang ulap, umiiyak,  
pumapatak ang luha nito.  

Ang kanilang tingin sa akin—  
isang nilalang na walang halaga,  
isang pagkakamali na kailanman  
ay hindi mababawi.  
Hawak ko ang katotohanan—  
ang katotohanang natatakot akong tanggapin.  
Balang araw, tatawagin akong salot sa lipunan.  
Milyon-milyong mata, tenga, at bibig  
ang naghusga sa akin,  
tila alam ang bawat lihim ng aking pagkatao.  

Sa pagitan ng pag-alis at pagbalik,  
paaralan man o klinika ng espesyalista,  
ang paghihintay ay tila isang habambuhay.  
Limang taon kong idinalangin sa Diyos  
na tupdin ang aking hiling,  
at nangyari nga.  
Ngunit kahit nakakulong ka na,  
hindi ko magawang maging masaya.  
Pagkakamali nating dalawa ito,  
ngunit ikaw lamang ang pinarusahan.  

Ikaw ang naging katahimikan  
sa maingay kong mundo.  
Ngunit nang muli kitang makita,  
sa presinto, harap-harapan,  
tila apoy ang bumalot sa kapaligiran.  
Tanim na poot at galit  
ang bumalot sa aking puso.  

Sa pagtulog ko,  
rinig ko ang tiktak ng relo.  
Minsan, nilaro ako ng panaginip—  
kasama raw kita.  
Gising, natutulala ako,  
nalulunod sa lalim ng iniisip.  

Sa gitna ng pagbalik-tanaw,  
nananatili ako sa kama,  
hinihintay ang sagot  
sa mga tanong ng aking isipan.  
Sapagkat ang buhay,  
tulad ng gulong—  
minsan nasa itaas,  
minsan nasa ibaba.

a good friend once said to me, "even the walls can hear"
how figurative, right?
even I was curious at first what she meant by that
but later on, I realized that no matter how thick or thin a wall is
no matter how soundproofed it was or not
someone was really eyeing on you
listening to your inaudible pleas
watching your every move
She’s even faster than journalists
when it comes to delivering flash reports to her boss.
Twisting stories, baseless accusations with no truth or proof
maybe she has eyes built into her back
since she seems to see things I didn’t even know or do.
It's too many lies, look in my eyes, they know I'm the truth
It's too many, I don't know how to decipher which one is a lie or the truth
run me a mile, hit you up on the highway
smirk my humor, laugh all you want
karma never listens when you beg
karma never forgives, once it choses your fate
when karma hits you, you can't stop it
either you run away from it, still, it can trace you and shoot you in the head like a mad man

Dusk to dawn, you keep draining me,
Chug me up till I’m the whiskey you need.  
I don’t smoke, but I crave cigarettes after ***,  
Smoke then ****—what’s coming next? 
 
But darling, keep it just between us—because secrets are sweeter when I don't kiss and tell.
Baby, you know I can't control this feeling, but I just want to keep it to myself instead.

**** my soul the way you lick my body,
Kiss the **** out of me, I miss your fire.  
The smell of your sweater fuels my desire.  
When I wear oversized tees, I feel your trace,  
Like your touch still lingers, leaving its place.  

It is making you cry every time
You give your love to me this way.  
Saying you’d wait for me to stay,  
I know it hurts you, but it tastes like pleasure in pain.  

And I’m kissing you, lying in my room,
Holding you until you fall asleep.  
And it’s just as good as I knew it would be,  
Stay with me—I don’t want you to leave.  

You intoxicated me with your love so true,
I fall deep into the rabbit hole with you.  
I fall upside down, not on my knees,  
But begging silently for moments like these.  

I might like it oversized on me, 
But underneath, it’s your hands I need.  
Come and be my pillow, soft and true,  
You look so tired, let me baby you.  

In this vanilla twilight beneath pale skies,
Drop-dead gorgeous, you ignite my highs.  
So hot, I needed an espresso shot,  
You’re my craving—are you feeling what I’ve got?    

I’ll touch myself, but no, it’s not the same, 
I love when your arms play their claiming game.  
You’re **** in person, but do you miss me too?  
Does my body haunt the best of you?  

Are you happy? Or does longing remain?
I’ll hold you close, let’s burn in this flame.

Guess who's back, back again?
(snitch is back, snitch is back)
I've created a monster inside of me
no longer the pretty, petty and kind girl
I am tired from all of the drama
It's been distracting me, non-stop now
In oceans deep, I will not curse you
but I hope you drown, *****
When oceans rise, like lion roaring
You were the prey, he will devour
God knows and sees my pain, I know
you've been in pain too
but I can't stand your scandalous deals
bruh, "you are educated but scandalous at the same time"
I looked up to you, treated you as the G.O.A.T
but nah, instead, you are the literal goat
The scapegoat.
believed you were saved by a handkerchief with Latin prayers
you sold your soul to the devil
now you can't see me eye to eye
strongly believed, you did had a faith in the eye of Horus
but never believed in the power of our God, our personal savior and creator
you were dark, I was bright and pure
forgiven, point taken.
but i never forgot, honey
I do forgive, but what you did is never forgotten.

So, everybody, just follow me
'Cause we need a little controversy
listen now to what I am about to say

Snitch is back, *****
She rose form the grave
she never sleeps in hay day
and even back at night too.
black candles, lit
black and red roses, petals on the floor
caskets opened, unburied body
dead or alive
I never cared less of what I should be caring for

"Did you know someone told me?
A friend of mine said... Do you know about so-and-so?"

You know what? I don’t care.

Before you assume I’m the person they talk about, ask me first. Confirm it with me— whether it’s true or not.

Girl, if you don’t want people thinking your character’s cheap, don’t be a backstabber. Don’t be a gossip. Stop spreading lies that aren’t even true.


If you think you gained something from my life, then sana all. Should I start handing out study guides and questionnaires? You seem to know so much—almost tempting enough to knock you down a peg.

And for those still clueless about their own lives, just ask your neighborhood gossip. They always know more than you do.