I sit here watching the rain fall*
from dark grey clouds
wondering if the sky might
be crying for us…

As I think back to what we were,
our times kissing in a rain just like this
an unopened umbrella
and both becoming drenched
in our feelings for one another

The plans we made
for quiet Sunday mornings
lying in bed gazing into each other’s eyes,
arms wrapped tightly as a new sun rose
while we were lost in deep affection

I picture the desires we shared, our dreams
of those late nights, an empty office
a sleepy city skyline, silhouettes on the evening
as we learned what true love meant
in breathless encounters

Our song, we could sing it by heart
Each word in perfect harmony
with you and me
How we believed it was written for us
and it probably was

The love, I still feel that love and always will,
a love beyond anything else
A love we both agreed was more
than we had ever felt before,
twin flames, soul mates, a perfect love…now ended

And I sit here watching the rain fall
from dark grey clouds
wondering if the sky might
be crying for us…
*I guess it could be

It only takes one bullet to **** a king
But you can't **** a dream

The talk is talked
And the walk is walked today

It's a shame the bridge is named
for a hood who wore a hood

The good General turned grand
in the land and time of dragons

that feasted on Sundays
and still would
if we let them

Or maybe not

Maybe it's a fitting reminder
A bridge to a kinder
gentler place

Because we're better than that now
Aren't we

haze    lifted,

lipped oh's, pink
hope and
shiver-syllables,
gone.

I wish sometimes
and sometimes I
forget I have the ability to
wish.

I hope sometimes and
sometimes the idea gets caught
on the way up my
spine

home in the mirror
appearing nearer

but i'm not driving
or even trying
to turn around

i'm burning down

bridges behind me
all I can see

over my shoulder
looking for closure

the colder and closer
i get to the sea.

I like how my lips
fit that hollow
by your collar bone

I could sing an anthem there
or whisper sweet
sweet nothings.

when my son was younger
he asked -

how old are the mountains
from where did the First People come
why does the sun sleep in the ocean
what is the color of rain

now that my son is older
stronger, wiser and bolder
he asks -

how old are the mountains...
...what is the color of rain


some things don't change.

My glances surreptitious
and from a distance

with a certain amount of concern
and now i've learned
that i am not the strongest person

i know and my life is so,
so small in comparison.


r ~ 12/17/14

Do you remember
The first time you held somebody's hand
Felt the way their skin pulsed against yours
How your heart attempted to escape from your chest
And your stomach became home to 10 million moths
Flying into the light all at once
Do you remember
The nervous laughs
And the smile that lay between pigmented cheeks
Drawn from admiration
And bliss
How you never before found glow
In a lantern not your own
Do you remember
The lips that first wiped you of your sanity
How they brushed against yours with  seemingly perfect unision
Replayed over and over again
Heart reminding brain
Reminding body
How good it felt to be loved
To be touched
If that could be bottled
If any of the first time nostalgia and discovery
Could be placed in a glass jar
And preserved
Than we would need no reminder
Of how it felt to feel
And how it felt to be
Alive.

Vulnerable blue veins lurking beneath pale skin.
Longing, begging, pleading
to be opened,
to be spilled,
Lies and heartache released,
peace and silence gained.
Deeper, farther, less afraid,
one step closer
From temporary release
to eternal silence.

Trembling hands.
Shallow breaths.
Heartbeat.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud
Silence is so near,
So simple,
but so
permanent.

Ready,    
but hesitant.
Longing to go,
but needing to stay.
A constant internal war.
Do it.
I can’t
Stop it.
I won’t
End it.
no
No!
Never.

Exhale.
Fear seeps through,
slow at first, but then all at once.
Realization creeps through.
Horror dawns.
Disgust arrives.
Self hatred.
but
A glimmer of relief.
Breath.
Still here.
Heart.
Still beating.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Still
**Alive.