I'm confused I mean not really but
I am like I mean i love this girl
But my heart doesn’t know what it wants
Like this is our 7th time together
And it’s because of me I don’t know what i want
Like I want him I really do but the him I want
Is gone not gone gone but he’s not besides me
He’s not making me laugh
Were not laughing late at night
Were not playing roblox like we use to
I miss him so much but I can’t be with him
Why? Cause were so toxic but I mean does it matter
I know were toxic but we fight and fight but in the end
We always say I love you
I miss him but I’m with a her
To get over him I don’t thinks that’s okay
I mean its not It’s really not
Im hurting her and myself cause
I keep lying and saying “I love you” but do i mean it?
I don’t know
But what I do know is that I want him but he’s gone
So I’m stuck with her while I shouldn’t say it like that
But I am

I come from the burnt thigh nation
Rosebud I suppose you could say
I come from the good and bad memories  
Drugs, alcohol. ****, and ****
Everywhere I go I smell ****, sometimes I even smell like it
I live with druggies, alcoholics, people running from the police
I come from abusers, liers, manipulators
**** sellers, drug dealers and overall bad people
I see drunk fights, drunk people all over
Even my own parents offering me a blunt
Or even wax and me being in the "smoking circle”
Maybe if I keep smoking I’d feel like I belong
Or even I’d feel loved for once
I suppose smoking makes you feel loved
While that’s just how I grew up  
Maybe for other people they live normal
If being “normal” means anything on the rez

friendly high my mom called it
she said it will make you the happiest in the world
only for a little bit thought and so
I started to smoke away the pain so my mom and dad helped me
understand that to feel okay I need to be in another world and
not the one we call so called "earth"
I understand now that I need to be a stoner
just to feel happy I don't wanna be a stoner
but I want to feel happy and calm but no really
I just wanted you to love me like you said you did..