Cocky yet humble,
Yelling at a mumble.
just another contradiction,
Self destructive predilection.
Smart enough to know better,
Yet too dumb to care whether,
I'm dead inside and rotting out,
Or simply just living with doubt.

So the story goes,
Only heaven knows
Why I do the things I do.
I just wish I knew.

Tall, small build,
Not strong willed.
yet willing to finish the mission.
Watch my plans reach their fruition.
Stuff four friends in a white panel van,
Keep them on the road as long as I can.
So we can fit our piece in the puzzle plan.
Cause I'm nothing, simply nothing without any fans.

So my hair, it grows,
And the wind it blows,
Hopefully in the right direction.
To the next intersection.

Evil, yet good,
And Misunderstood.
Idle hands, busy mind
Produce horrific crimes.
Play with emotions to sway
People's affections swing my way.
Yet never carry out the ***** deed at hand.
I'll call it a conscience, say never again, but I'm just a man.

My eyes wander,
Will's getting stronger.
But it's just too hard not to see
Or adequately appreciate beauty.

Calm and enthusiastic,
Dull but charismatic,
Maybe a dash of eccentricity.
Throw in Some single minded duplicity,
Add in a heaping helping of guilt to top it off.
Let cool for twenty years and let the odor waft,
Then you get a blue eyed, brown haired ****** bag.
Who wants nothing more than his childhood back.

So much for growing up.
So much for no regrets.
I wouldn't mind staying young,
But time just won't relent.

I remember days when I'd write you letters, or wait for you after class.
We'd sit in your dorm room and make each other laugh.
Then they said I should go out and get her, but I sat on my ***.
And I forced myself to recognize that that's all in the past.

So now I'm cold and isolated,
Scorned and vindicated.
Waiting on my fading star to rust.
I'm wretched and I'm sick,
Jealous as any other *****.
I gave into the slave I know as lust.

You might as well have been a million miles away.
even if it was under a hundred.
You might not have come over that day.
Then we might still be in this bed.
Instead I occupy this mattress alone,
Safeguarding my heart behind my chest.
Till I wither away to hair and bone.
Till my identity is just a guess.

Maybe I'll never find love again.
Maybe I'm better off alone.
There's only one way to find out,
Follow the path I know is my own.

Sorry I had to hurt you to see it.

I picked up a poem on the side of the road
It'd had its thumb out for some time
I kindly asked which way I should go
All that it said was just drive

So we drove along admiring the scenery
As it spoke to me in riddles and rhymes
Talking of all the places that it had been
And how it was enjoying its time

This poem had seen its share of exotic places
And fallen in love more than once or twice
Around every corner were always new faces
With new situations to put down in line

It brought up a few childhood memories
Some of them happy with some of them sad
A few of them really spoke to me
And I was really thankful for that

After a while we rode on in silence
Both of us enjoying the drive
With me thinking I'm glad I stopped today
And picked this poem up for a ride

I've seen introverts become the center of attention
I've seen extroverts go ignored
I've heard complacent well-adjusted human beings
Cry out for something more
And there's a million and one things to do with life
So don't you dare be bored

Because there are three types of people in this world:
Those who do
Those who don't
And those who didn't, but wish they had

At times it's wrong to do what's good
Sometimes you've got to be bad
So don't you go on second guessing
Lest you end up with regret
Follow your instincts
Don't look back

'Cause there are three kinds of people on this earth:
Those in the future
Those in the past
And those in the present, so make it last

At times it happens all so fast
You forget to examine the extent of the impact
But don't you worry about forgotten things
They'll find their way back to you in your dreams

And there are those who will tell you that it's false
They'll comfort you with broken arms
To drag you down to into the swamp
Trying to stop you before you even start

Now there are three sects of people on this planet:
The leeches
The dreamers
And then the true believers

Examine your head to find the truth
Don't worry about what you can or cannot prove
Nothing matters nearly as much
As the way it all matters to you

You see, there's no right or wrong way to live a life
It all depends on how it makes you feel
The miraculous fact that you exist at all
Gives you the right to determine what is real

And there are but three animals in this pen:
The sheep
The wolf
And the Golden hen

Some say 'shyness is pride'
Some say 'shyness is cowardness'
Well what do the shy say?
They are well guarded,
With a wall so high and thick,
With traps and the unknown,
A fortress concealing what?
If shyness were pride,
Could it conceal great weapons?
If that were so,
Will those weapons bring benefits of utter destruction?
Should it be regarded as selfish or humble?
If shyness is cowardness,
could it conceal weakness?
If that were so,
Shouldn't the shy be regarded as being strong in a way?
The shy are mysterious and often misunderstood,
But really, what do the shy say?
We might never know,
Considering the fact they never reveal anything,
Be it great or not.

I don't see how u can talk to someone off and on for over2 yrs and follow their every keystroke and see what and who they talk to and listen to them thru the speakers on the computer and if I didn't  cover the camera would be able to see us also.....and then see theyre on a dating site and either u had a profile already or made one up to meet me.  That is a lot of following and listening and reading their online happenings...only to meet them from the dating site.  Which how u even knew that id date you is odd unless u were just hoping.  I realized that when my brother died last year.....that was you I was talking to wasn't it???  Do you know how special that is to me and my heart? I didn't have anyone to help ,me thru that and you were there.  I wanted to thank you so very much. I don't see how u can do all these tracings of my actions and talk to me at the most horrific time of my life thus far and then not tell me that its you..... I will never under stand why u didn't tell me.... I so wished you would have *** the things would have turned out so much different. I just thought u were some dude who was a cheating pig....and wasn't thinking too serious about anythg *** I knew u wont leave "her". that's why I never asked u too and or even brought it up *** ive seen the shows where they say they'll leave but never do so why ask? but if id had known u were frozen heart and soule shawn I would have looked at things differently. I would have taken things and rearranged them to fit into my life better. I owe the person or man who talked to me and helped me get thru each day when john died a lot..... *** If it wasn't for u I don't think id been ok. Also If id known you were the holder of my heart and would have told me things instead of not saying much....it would have ended up in the way u wanted it to be. Not this way where I will be sad and ****** yet upset for not knowing u were the one who makes me happy *** to me you are perfect and perfect for me as well... God I miss u more then u will ever know,,, I wish I could hug and kiss u.... and sit and talk ....but its not gonna happen and it just makes me want to cry but I keep getting headaches when I cry....so I don't like to....     Im so grateful that I was with u for the year and a half we spent together.....wish it would have lasted for ever though instead...*** I wont ever stop wanting u....ILY!!!

How horrible is it to love something that can die
Yet how devastating is it to love something that can die
By your touch

It will wither into nothingness
And slip through the cracks of your hands
As a tear sheds

He stands there with the sun in his hands
No longer breathing.
No longer existing,
But the fragile beating heart is still heard

A tear should not be shed from these hands
Or it will burn the face
Of bones

He has so many appointments
To keep track of, but enough time
To look around.
He sees the world as darkness
and the wounded as light.
The power filled people as fire  
Burning everything to quickly  

But there was one.
He saw innocence in her
Even though she was wounded covered in scars.
He fell in love

Watching from afar
He grew a desire to meet her.
He followed her like a sunflower follows the sun
She was the sun, his whole world.  
His heart was Beating thunder every time he saw her.

He never knew this but his next appointment was her.
Trying to save her life.
He touched her.
She fell.
The sun began to wither into nothingness
and so did his heart
As she slept in his arms not waking up
He shed a tear.
It carved a wound on his face
A memory of love that can't be forgotten

Although he is made of bones
His small black heart still beats of love
For the woman who shined.

It's a typical situation, in these typical times; too many choices and so many crimes. Caught between this and stuck behind that, proverbial rock and hard place, harsher than fact. A maze of confusion, doubts all around. Wondering what will happen if solid ground is not found. The difficult dance of very fine lines, balancing grace with independence that shines. Dancing our way thru friendships we cherish, trying our hardest to not let them perish. Sometimes we slip and fall off the *****, tumbling to the bottom, heart robbed of hope. Looking up at the peak so far from attaining, gritting our teeth against the pain that we're obtaining. Scabs and bruises, stab wounds and breaks. Our bodies may be whole but the heart never fake, telling the tale of our costly mistakes. Try as we might we continue to stumble, tripping on heartstrings unraveled and jumbled. Longing for a world where things are simple, yearning for a life that's a little more gentle. Kinder to those who actually care, about their jobs and their families who's houses they share. Backbreaking toil to see a child filled with joy, from the presents he's given by his parents employ. A life that's understanding when loved ones die, giving grace to those who must drop all and fly. To be there for a grandfather they loved so dear, be able to say "I wish you were here." Alas life is cruel, twisted, filled with thorn, causing some to wonder "why was I born?"

Every inch, every fiber, every morsel of me needs you.
Eats, sleeps, dreams, and breathes you.

I know you said you have them too,
these feelings that make you untrue

But to who? Yourself? Or the idea of a love you once had?
A place back home with your siblings, mom, and dad?

A place where you dread to go,
With somebody that you used to know.

I am here, I am now, I am real,
Though that won't change the way you feel.

Confusion surrounds you, us, her, and me.
All I want to be happy.

But that is so hard to do, so hard to be,
when everything I want is you, but you can't want me.