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**** never works for me
I'd much prefer
a detailed paragraph
something of raw passion, vivid words..
of exactly what you'd do to me

satisfy me with a tease
ouf. the ****** frusteration.
woven and webbed in but words,
our profits are handsome,
kindness, tenderness,
the gold coins minted internal,
that
overflow up above from
deeply hidden,
earthen-vaulted,
unchambered hearts

sovereign wealth sharing,
one country of two,
income equality,
now worded beyond just two mortals,
t'is my duty charged
and discharged,
to both hide~disguise and
expose,
how the treasure grows

alpha-bet oxygen-increased,
ever larger,
for now,
the cellular-total
the divided parts,
far exceed the original whole

these profits,
are but the
gotten gains
of mere dreamers,
that the night sweeper
shall remove, replace

scheduled near midnight,
easy taken, like daily dust
once fallen, and now used,
no longer available,
for writing poems
on the floor

but the atmosphere be
nugget laden, bejeweled motes,
freshly fallen dew to drink,
snow to inscribe with ungloved fingertips,
fresh foolscap,
upon to decorate
with letters of many tongues
new letters rearranged,
the dreamt profits
of which
are only realized
when shared
nakasama kita kahit sa panaginip lamang...
The endorphins fill my broken mind,
the bleeding does not cease as the relief overwhelms,
my body convulses at the touch of the knife,
but the feeling is one of medication.

My mind is sick,
only to be healed by the small droplets falling from my wrists,
my pills a mixture of pain and happiness,
my heart beats loudly and my body feels weak

nothing will stop the feeling once it has started
no one will make me wish I had never pierced my flesh
my scars tell a tale of great frustration
years of being battered and left aside

My father non existent,
his replacement would make him choke,
without him I would not have spiralled
into this deep dark pit of depression,

he was abusive by nature but that's no excuse,
he ruined me for 16 years and im still ruined now,
left for dead on the side of the highway
a life saving operation I had rather left me dead,

Coming through the other side,
has yet to happen smoothly
and as I watch his evil eyes,
I collapse , never again to open my mouth
Transient waves form a helpless beauty,
words are refracted and lost in the dust,
your pain is the last thing in there memory,
your heart cannot take the judgement they throw
no constellations
I am battered and cold

Holding back who I really am,
is not something that is going to come easily,
I want to be different,
but at the same time I want to be the same,
I want to love who I please
and hate who I wish to ignore,
but so it is written these things
are not songs to be sung anymore.

I scream inside my steel chamber,
and rattle the bars that have me enclosed,
tears roll down my face as I realise
my feeling must come to a stop
I cannot do this on my own
I need your help
I cry out to the sky

I feel lonely and helpless,
my tears have gone dry,
I fall down to my knees
I cannot ask for what I need
because I do not yet know what exactly it is...
I cry out to the sky again and again

all to no avail;

my blood cascades in rivers
and my heart is placid and cold,
I need not myself anymore or the demons who have overthrown me
I need a faith more relevant than the truth
I need eyes that will see what is left unseen
I need a heart that is open to be healed and made clean

I want to be your child,
your only love forever and a day more
but God, my life is a painful misery of broken sadness
how can I be good enough for you?
How can I be anywhere near what you expect
as I curse myself and scar my lungs
My breaths become thick and bloodshod
I go lame in the frost

Father, forgive me.
written from emotional and spiritual pain
He
gives
me
the
best
*******
head.

Now
when
alls
said
and
do­ne,
I've
saturated
both
sheets
and
bed.

I
guess
tonight
we'll
crash
on
the
couch
instead.
true story
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