no, i am not a sad girl
beware, i am the ocean

i wasnt upset,
i was hurt

a world in decay;
words in a cage

they play with us like puppets
they beat us into golden foil

the crinkly wrapping paper on christmas presents,
holographic hearts that change colours
wait, pause... ~ so like us ~

i hear no laughter
but i see something...
something deep and blue and both

there are these lawns in my mind where i lie
where the coy lakes blush under the graceful swans
in their final moments

i am a rat in a maze
frantic, hungry, scared,
under their bright white artificial lights

circles of habits keeping us in orbit
you want to get to LA, darling, but there's not a way out

smoking makes me sick,
i used to like coffee

took my drugs like water,
but yeah, water is enough now

i am that water,
i am the ocean
deep and blue and turbulent and difficult and suffocating

im tired of the philosophy i read
do they forget emotions can drown?

this time i didnt break up the party,
a birthday ~
of solitude, darkness, and the black ocean,
it was mine :)

i am the decorated cake, cut me up
beat and beat and beat me into sweet cream
red food colouring or blood?
put bright sprinkles on top
store me in the fridge

cold weather is joy
feeling the same inside out

every moment is a last time;
i dont know why i think so much

look at emma with envy
these thoughts never occurred to her
she is not the ocean, she is the wind
i am the ocean; she is free

i will never be happy accepting your false tenets
i live where choice is a lie

so yes, maybe i am a sad girl
but not the kind you think of