just a tad befused conwildered

stupified
I obfuscate well

to y
to z
to that fetish I have for the alphabet
and letters
words and pronunciations

hop and spark among along the mountains the borrowed sailboat
walking edges and playing sailor again like we did in
September at the Yacht club
yo my first mate
or the day we trekked
all clad in hiking boots out to the ledge of that rock and sun saw  all our edges or camped at silver lake put our naked feet in the crystalline water pure
for that week
rode the canoe all night trying to drown
that little man
in the bushes on the sand on the edge of the pond
the fish jumping in rhythm to our love making
and the frogs serenading and the moon blushing and the stars glowed
all along your curves along my hard edges
and the tent was havoc all full of sorts of
living things
winged and we didn't give one ****
just swatted each other's *****
and brushed crickets off each other's
cheeks and laughed and the hamburgers
on the fire
tasted like steak and the cold beer we floated
in the lake like champagne and
every day like a year and every night like
a celebration
and we were young
drifted away after that
but if you are like me
you never forget

knee-deep in forest,
a wellspring of
multi-colored liquid
joy, bubbling
in frothy
peaks
my inner eye open wide
at the sacred wonder
of it all
glory of divine
earth water fire
wind in my soul
sunlit scarlet on
leafveins in this
garden feast of the senses
If heaven were imprinted
upon the runes of my body
a soulmind, shimmering
crystals in heart
then this
is it
nothing less
than spirit
coursing through blood
in untamed rush
a wild creek
teeming with freshness
and trout
deer peeping in shyness
and I am all
      lit up from within
as the hues of life
run through me
pulsing energy
filling me up
in deepest
strokes
of
air,
of trees
of mountain
here
even the stars
seem to call out
my name
and, in ever-depth
in focus of heartwave,
I listen

oh god the depressing silken undertones
of her bra and *******, I have like buried
treasures hidden in my bottom drawer
that haunt me with the night
the memories
good yet sort of malevolent and sick and worried
I am becoming obsessed
with something so far out of reach instead of
thanking her and cupid for that one
special night
I try to keep that bottom drawer locked from
Her, my new live  in, I think I saw marks  on the
latch like someone was trying to get in
so now I am keeping the bra and ******* in my back pocket
and my co-workers are beginning
to whisper behind my back,
I have got to get a storage unit
and pay twenty dollars a week to
store these things,
or am I just losing it?