finite are the days left to open up
to shed some light on the darker things
be honest

like how the old woman said
two months before she died she was
worried about me

she had seen her end
and I remember crying so hard
and long that night with her

but I couldn't see as she
did or
prophesy

as well
or look hopeless
amidst her agony

I didn't want to see:
now,
when it comes

time for me to look destiny
straight in his dark eye
I see her

reflection and it eases my
mind
kind of puts things

right into perspective
tends to make sense how time
eases the end

and I foresee when his death claw comes
reaching my throat
and the end

approaches
if someone I love says
as I did

don't give up, fight
for all you are
I may say

as she so softly said
to me, that night when she
passed

I am just so tired
and I will give up
and it will

be ok
and the world
will keep on spinning

my mother opens her chest
and tells me god put a gun
there for when he comes back,
i protest the right to carry
outside the city lines
even though i've been
hurt too:
her wine cabinet tastes like
retribution and hope,
her red 4 days old open seal
tastes like ******* ****
20 minutes later,
when it's just me, the dog,
and a lukewarm drink.
don't put ice in wine. i've
learned this.

you know, i don't even
pick up bibles when
i'm ****** up? i cry
into tarot cards that
are vague and lack
comfort and pages
and pages
and pages
of lackluster
fake sunshine

water to wine to water again

my dad's the alcoholic,
nice ******* try,
big guy,
you're not
even speaking-
i have a dissociative
disorder, *******,
try me when i'm
feeling less real
istic.

is
I come home from a hard day of manual labor
pop a top
go through the notifications
and see
real people somewhere out there
in the stream
just as ****** up as I am
and they
plussed me
took the time to comment
they wrote some great poetry
I go to do what I can
to let them
know that someone just like them
****** up alone worried
but awesome
saw their works their
heart strings and visions
their open wounds their hurts
their
words telling me
I am not the only one
out there in the stream all ****** over alone worried
angst word filled touched
by their words their cries their tears;
in the end we all drown;
for now we paddle
keep our heads up