from full to three fourths, to half, to quarter
then from darkness back to new
all the moon’s phases in mere minutes
I’ve seen pictures on the internet
a beautiful sight to behold
to watch her silvery bleu cheese
turn into a reddish cantaloupe
perhaps her face is embarrassed
to admit its heavenly glow
is but the sun’s reflection
perhaps she’s forgotten her place
in the earth’s natural order
she is not less, but equal
yin to sun’s yang
lost in the moment
she changes her mind quickly
emerging from earth’s shadow
she feels contentment in sun’s warmth

once in January’s wee hours
so very long ago
I spent the night outside
as backyard astronomer
telescope at the ready
awaiting a comet’s promise
a party of others crescendoed
suspense’s energy and excitement
but their numbers quickly waned
with the fogging of my telescope lens
coldness prevailing over patience
I sat alone for hours hanging on to hope
in the company of trash cans
sitting in silence as solemn sentinel
they said it would light one third of the sky
ONE THIRD!
a sight never to be seen again in lifetimes
I waited for its brightness and brilliance
until dawn started to peek out
over the eastern horizon
just then a sparkle of light preceded the rising sun
is this it?
could this be Kohoutek?
it seemed to slowly climb into the morning
as it approached and grew bigger
I realized it was just an airplane
what a rip off
what a wasted night
I was robbed
cruelly cast in the role of Kohoutek’s fool
nothing to do now
but bring my frozen telescope inside
and jump into a nice warm bed

will she be kinder?
will Luna eclipse that memory?
will her heavenly glory
be worth the cold and the wait?
I sat on the edge of my mattress
gathering the covers upon my shoulders
should I go?
nah
maybe next time
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

maybe i should run away,
maybe i should make a family,
im choking down here from nothing,
but stepping out into the sun burns
this is how they say apath devours
this is how they say self care kills

getting over it, getting over it,
forgetting the past and living for now,
let me bruise, let me crack, let me fall
getting over it, getting over it with me,
self love is the worse kind of greed,
don't help me if i never earned it
getting over it, getting over it with you

maybe it’s better if i killed myself,
maybe it's better to medicate
your truth are my sins and misdeeds,
if i loved myself, i would join icarus,
this is how they say an angel falls,
this is how they say society collapsed

my coping statement is as follows:
i can't live with this noise
i can't live with the ten commandments
i can't live with therapy
i can't live in the past
i can't deal with your future
all i want to do is eat and sleep
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
i really ******* can't deal with your world and what i grew up with? ill push everyone to get help and work for a good life but **** me i can't i can't i can't i can't do it for myself

what the **** was this poem
words are ridiculous im not poe
catch me talking in actions
don't take this so seriously
being a hermit is a federal crime
it's not deep im exhausted and lazy

i don't know what to do in this world
the new movements pass me by
zzzz
let me eat and please don't help me
i wouldn't even try if i knew where to start

(treatment plan starts with narcissism)