i do not feel safe
on the fifth floor
with all the windows locked
and two turns of the deadbolt
don't forget the chair under the door

i do not feel safe
walking home from the grocery store
in this horribly gentrified neighborhood
at 4pm on a sunny
saturday afternoon

i do not feel safe
handing over my clothes to someone else
i know they have to be washed
i've gone too long already
but i bite my lip until my belongings are
back in my line of sight

i do not feel safe
alone in zoom office hours
with my camera off
how can i be hurt through a screen?
but it never reassures me

i do not feel safe
when the electrician comes to fix
the circuit
i called it an electric circle
he does not look at me that way
the way that makes me sit in the
backseat of my own mind
but i cringe when he looks at me
at all

they call it hypervigilance
vigilance
from latin vigilare
"be watchful"
i am watchful, watchful, watchful
maybe that's why i cant fall asleep.

Sé que no puedes hablar,
por eso vigilare tus pasos,
te diré cuánto te quiero,
te diré sobre algunos los juegos,
que por tu pequeña edad, nunca has jugado.
      
Sé que no puedes hablar,
entonces, jugaré con tu pelo,
a cambio, podrías te pediré, puedes jugar conmigo?
Te daré un peso
a cambio ¿me das un beso?,
justo aquí, igual que este.  
A mira que lo haces bien.

Te comprare un helado,
si eres agradable al jugar conmigo.
Te comprare una muñeca,
si tocas mis partes privadas.
Te llevo a Disney,
si me besas en los labios.
Voy a comprar una bicicleta,
si te quitas su ropita.
Puedes pedir lo que quieras para Navidad,
pero, a cambio, debes de hacer exactamente lo que te pido.

No tengas miedo,
es un juego y nada más,
nadie se molestara,
pero como secreto se tiene que quedar.  

Sé que no puedes hablar,
nadie te lo creerá.
Lastimare a tu madre si te atreves a hablar.,
Matare a tus padres, si alguien se lo cuentas,
si dices que te  acose. Que te toque, que te viole,
Diré que estás loca,
que siempre estás imaginando cosas.  
No, no estamos haciendo nada malo,
sólo estamos jugando.
y si no quieres jugar conmigo,
si no lo haces lo que te pido,  
entonces, a ti te mato.    
LeydisProse
27/09/2017

********************­********************­********

I know you can’t speak,
so I will sneak behind you,
tell you how much I like you,
tell you about games,
that you may never have played.

I know you can’t speak
I will play with your hair,
in exchange, can you touch me like this?
I will give you a dollar,
if you kiss my neckline,
right here, just like this.

I will buy you ice-cream,
if you are nice and play with me.
I will buy you a doll,
if you touch my chunks.
I will take you to Disney
if you kiss me in the lips.
I will buy you a bike,
if you remove your underwear.
I will get you whatever you want for Christmas,
but, can you just play with me?
Don’t be afraid,
it’s just a game that we’re playing.

I know you can’t speak,
no one would believe you, if you do.
I will hurt you mother,
I will **** your parents, if you say I touched you.
I will say you’re crazy,
that you’re little mind is always imagining things.

No, we are not doing anything bad,
we are just playing games.
and if you don’t want to play with me,
if you don’t do as I say,
I will **** you instead.  

LeydisProse
9/27/2017

Please tell your children that they have a voice.
Teach them their body parts by the correct name.
Talk to them and show them, about what is inappropriate touch;
whether that touch is coming from their parents, grandparents,
family members, friends, etc., make your children understand that
You believe and will PROTECT them no matter what.
Don’t condemn your children to a lifetime of sorrow because the
Conversation is UNCOMFORTABLE.
Those scars of molestation, **** or any form of abuse
last a LIFE TIME,