Vomiting in vulture circles
Waiting for a separate self,
A true you,
That you don't know you're
Ignoring
To jam dumb grunts and howls
Into your false face
So that you can be acknowledged
By the others
Picking the meat off rotting carcasses


I can't be like you.
Dance drunk smile
Screaming words
About things outside yourself
That are described by
Tombstone languages
Meaning nothing to what truly is
Ignoring the guillotine gleam
Of past pain and present agony
That make up the true coward within


I can't be like you.
Wandering mindlessly
Unpurposeful purpose
Pretending there is a plan
And a meaning
Thinking about
Kids
Cars
Work
Vacations
Upset by trivial inconvenience
Never pondering the finite mirror fool
That you will have to abandon
Or the immortality of Infinite
Thought bursts
That might actually be thought of
By a blue skinned 4 armed Lord
Living vicariously through the
Useless you

I can't be like you.
You aren't even real...

A whisper of questions, far twinkling light
Seems like heaven's a'near with folly delight
In rage, I'm running, wading through vacuums
Confused emotions, all shadowy glooms
No stopping now, I pant with sweat
Desperate for answers, not painful regret
Step three, step four, the move finds no sleep
All chains and bondages, this life seem to keep
Find meaning, find purpose, no reasonable doubt
As mist, yes mystical, this life will head south
Like winter surprise, the dew and the frost
Bites eagerly at a soul so wastefully lost
Why darkness, not light? This seems but a game
Haunted by lies, unpurposeful shame
Delight, sweet caress, how precious such needs
Lost in this world of selfish and greeds
Alas, a green exit, blinding light, my eyes seeing
That tunnel, yes peaceful, of rest in peace being.

In a dreamy lullaby
I saw you for the first time in a while
Your eyes were different I suppose
And in the dim lighting, they did glow
Your hand brushed mine and you smiled lightly
But I was chilled by this contact slightly
I had emotions for you, sure I did
But I thought your feelings for me were all but rid
I let mine come through, I showed my heart
And you showed yours too, which is the unrealistic part
You said you still had a tingle deep inside
That when you saw me, your heart would fly
When I walked past you could not breathe
Which is exactly what you do to me
We tried, oh my, we tried and tried
To make time erase from tired minds
But in the end, it slipped far away, you see
Because nothing can be how it used to be
So you left me alone to reconcile
How to move on from your unpurposeful guile

You know the word that bothers me? Suicide. It's such a gross, angry, hateful, emotional, belittling, hurtful, saddening word. We brought it up in 'class' today. All I could think was about you. I ******* miss you. Then people started talking, laughing. "If I were a vegetable I would want to end my unpurposeful life too" "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". I just.. Do you even understand how broken I am? Can you feel it? I just want to end this.. all. Why is that so bad? Can't you hear me screaming. But when I do don't call it suicide. Call it something peaceful.. Tell them I just simply went home.