I wouldn't say my demons are my friends.
I don't invite them to parties or
look for them in the mirror.

But tormenting has become natural, second nature,
me.
And after a long day in the sun,
I always return to their ragged claws and ***** paws.

They scratch at my skin until I bleed and cannot sleep.
Scars cover my body but what...what would I be without them?
How could I dare spend a night without dragging nails across my throat?

They are not my friends.

But I listen anyways for the tapings behind the wall.
But I don't nurse my wounds.
But I don't fight the when they reach out.
But I like the color of my blood.

My demons aren't my friends, but neither am I.

as I walked up to the stage
reciting the poem again in my head
I realized how unprepared I was
and was afraid

how great was I?

as the words flowed from mouth
and the meaning flowed through
my body I did not feel confidence
nor did I dream of success

how great was I?

as the steps besides the stage
flowed behind me like a steam
I could hear the judge’s pencil flair
and the tapings did not sound good

how great was I?

as I left that place in a hurry
said good bye and good luck to all
I did not think of winning or losing
only that I must move on

how great was I?

as I hurried to the next thing
practice for a play
I sang and danced without thinking
of the poem I had just read

how great was I?

as the phone rang in my pocket
and I checked to see what it said
I saw my friends had sent me
news that I had not won

how great was I?

as I carried on with my practice
I did not clench my jaw
I knew what was is what it was
and knew I could only move on

how great was I?

but,

as the doors outside opened
and there stood two friends
who’d sent me that word
they screamed to me
“you won! you won!”
and I could say was
“what?”

how great was I?

as they insisted to me my victory
and told me of how I had been tricked
I could only repeat, mouth gaping,
“what do you mean I won?”

how great was I?

as they “yes, yes, yes,
it’s you! it’s you!
you won, you fool!
you’re act was great!”
I stared at them
lost of my voice

how great was I?

as I slowly sat down
taking the story all in
I wondered in my mind
not what I what next
but instead I was paused
and could only ponder

how great am I?

The Holiday tree and Rockerfeller Center
Eating chestnuts while walking and looking at the Fifth avenue December windows
Seeing a Broadway a show in person and walking to the Theater marquees
Hugging and seeing friends
Attending Television tapings and enjoying restaurants while sitting indoors with no fear or consequences
Many truths are becoming evident and we must move forward and get out of the past befote it destroys us further

Shopping at Farmers markets outdoors
My sweetheart's birthday is paused like our great city but we will celebrate him as best we can
We have great photographs and memories of trips to enjoy but looking forward to more of these and gathering with those we love

C@rainbowchaser2020