it's a new day and I seemed to have crushed those damning thoughts

the sun holds its new perspective over me and I see it through brightened eyes

it is what it is.

no one said to love would be with out heavy costs and sacrifice

the birds still sing everyday despite their troubles

theres somehting to glean from every shadow and dark space.

I am in love with too many gorgeous creatures in too many ways

and I cant save them all.

though it kills even to lose  just one.

unacceptable. intollerable. pittance and suffernation!

alas, to love and lose is a thing so crucial.

it defines love.

it defines you.

and all the tollerances afforded, brings no relief to hearbreak

and these are things I struggle with because they are such beauteous presents wrapped in tragic illustrations

I love the the struggle. it keeps me warm, it keeps me alive, it meters my heart

it changes the beat, it forsakes the dolldrums and the zombie-like dutiful love

it shakes the tree  and as the tree strengthens only the more powerful storms have a baring

untill the end and the tree falls over or breaks in half only to discover a new way of being.


the sun rose today. the wash of bright warmth falls over every delusion, its clear.

The kettle boils gently, its time for coffee;

just me and the sun

this is a bright new day, fresh with no mistakes in it.

yet!

When you past is gone but your furtue is yet to come
What's the first thing that comes to mind?
Do you wish of new
Or dream of the old
The only thing that took you by surpirse
Was the change in time
Did you want to slow down?
When everything just fell into place
All you remember is the smile on your face
Did you still fear the impossible?
As ill actions were shown
Was respect lost?
When life threw you handfuls of oppertuinities
But none caught you
Did you sitll take the chance?
The chance of change
Chance of somehting new
As if nothing else mattered; The world against you
Unspoken words became guilt
And your regret never left you
Would you speak wisdom now?
When your past is gone but you future is yet to come
What's the first thing that comes to mind?

you said
that leaving was for the weakest souls
those who cannot be like Atlas
carrying the weight of the world
on their shoulders
you said leaving was
something you dont want to do
somehting you shouldnt do
something you couldnt do
that leaving was a bad thing
and some people dont deserve it
you made leaving sound so bad
that when you did it to me
you have proven its rightful meaning
but what gave me
the ache of my heart was that  
you said you couldnt but you still did.

I’ve spent my life searching,
waiting for a hand to reach for mine,
but every glance is fleeting,
and every touch slips away.

I watch them all find each other,
like stars aligning in the sky,
while I stand alone in the dark,
hoping someone will see me,
but no one ever does.

I thought by now I’d know love,
feel the warmth of being someone’s home,
but I’m always just a passerby,
never the one they stay for.
never the one they choose for
Eternity

My heart aches for something
it’s never held—
a love that’s not meant for me,
a person I’ll never find.

Maybe I was meant to be alone,
to walk through life
with empty hands and heavy teary eyes,
never held, never chosen,
just waiting for something
that will never come.
and somehting that I always lose
when I cling onto it .