i fear that you are
drowning in your own depth
and i hope that you have
learned to hold your breath
for extended periods of time
and that you know when
to come up for an interlude
of fresh air every once in awhile

your heart is so
special
please take care
of it

because i would hate
to hear that you’ve broken
two more
one, hers
and in return, yours
yet again

As a self preservation technique
Convince yourself you lived up
To your potential then watch meaning
Seep out of the nothingness
That is your existence

Watch as who you might have been
Rapidly fade into the distance
Despite your feeble attempts
To hold on to the remnants of yourself

Look on as the maggots of hope
And revitalisation eat away
Your rotten skin
Maybe just maybe you will be perfect

Accept defeat
Open up your decaying arms
Embrace the never-ending despair

Combine your self-awareness
With your insecurity and lack of self confidence
Overanalyse yourself over and over again and again
Until you become a stranger to yourself

Express yourself in other ways than
Bursts of meaningless phrases

Live the rest of your days
Kneeling on bleeding shins
Being devoured by the  demons
You created because you cherish them sometimes

your poetry *****
You are just another broken soul
In a sea of hopelessness
The hopelessness
That which you perpetuate
It's not your fault
You'll get there
You won't always feel empty
I have faith in you

The rain patters onto my empty chest-
creeping into the enchanting chamber,
waiting to seize the incorruptible mess,
that engulfs the conviction of my progress.

The slaying of happiness,
the revitalisation of weaknesses,
corrupts the mind,
inducing a sense of bleaknesses.
Defending its prey,
from any possible delay,
in disrupting the body and mind,
of any drops behind.

My body slithers,
into nonexistent jitters,
attacking my mind,
from all of life’s glitters.

rarely does an afternoon snooze turn
into a vivid dream,

not that it's certain whether
     an hour of unwinding after
a culinary labour can produce
the bare minimum energy potential
that translates into a dream at night...

added the fact that there is
such a genre of music
       minimalistic techno,    
             harthouse frankfurt...

      whatever the technicality worthy
of a music critic,
        boris brejcha has become
synonymous with
                       northern siesta...
if there was such an English movement
as northern soul...  
    might as well coin the phrase
northern siesta
     (notable choice of song,
                  dark planet)...

               maybe it might dampen
the resolve of those: ready to wriggle
to the elongating bass rhythms...
   but at least the music is not your
generic café cool...

     techno-***-jazzy-accents...
      or whatever is predicated upon
a quasi-Stasi (ZZ, S-Z / Z-S, SS, ß)
             category...

      | churchbells of the valley -
   scent of convallaria, interlude,
       preceded by°:

{a dream about bow ties...
       one aspect of the dream
akin to a newsroom,
    two invited guests,
        one of them holds a manequin
***** and shows off tying
a bow tie...
             the other guest is wearing
a tie...
     the dream shifts
     into: standing in front of a mirror,
choosing between
          a bow tie that suits
a pale crimson polka dotted shirt
or a silverfox bow tie suited
for the waistcoat}:

thank god there's literature,
     to interpret a dream...
          and all of it...
     is like reading a ******
                      astrology excerpt...        
  
the more interpretations are
available, the more they sound
like hot air, or as the already
       stated comparison:
          astrological ruminations
of the zodiac - hence the irony /
          not that I'd take his word
for it from Burroughs' my education
i. e. that opiates are dream-smiths:

    a safer option,
           tickling deep nocturnal excavations
might be best unergone
    with a prior to siesta...
       as if: sharpening a knife
   or dulling a hammer...
         given the frequency /
and capacity for vivid dreaming...

      and yes, the bow tie is
a focal object,
                     but no:
    i am more content with
   the dream per se
                      (given the scarce
frequency of i have of them) -
that seeking a meaning from it...

   a healthy dosage of scepticism,
always around dream-interpretation,
since i can't see an archetype
    of a bow tie as predating a tying
of a rope...
         manequin *****:
       acting out social formalities...
it's still a zodiac game,
          astrological gallows,
    a tongue pricked with a rose
thorn, subsequently whispered
into a girl's ear, revealing
            a blush blossom on her
   cheeks.

°scent stimulant, brought from
the market;
       via scent into visual
      revitalisation of dream remains,
stored subconsciously in the first
2 and 1/2 hours after waking;
    scent of white flowers
   stimulant, to rekindle
       the memory of dream colours.

p.s.
         some of this can be true,
but tested again for an analogue
        and a plagiarism rubric,
    i. e. scientific categorisation  
    (dogma)?
            
p.p.s.
                  dream recurrence...
or what's called the archetype
of a dunce...
                   how can times do
you have to dream, the same dream,
and not see it as a:
   dream within a dream,
   which is: a dunce standing
     before a blackboard
                investigating the plagiarism
                       of: Bartholemew?

/freedom of speech is a misnomer compound for: "understsnding" the english sense of humour... your granny has alzheimer's... so... um... where's the slothful ha ha? ah... overstretched the mark... oh well... to late... too zone 2, too Wanstead... and a bit of ******* in between, too.

western society believes
in a freedom of speech,
as long as it has the upperhand
on telling a joke...
but even in England,
American "jokes"
are deemed as crass artefacts
of rekindling
the revitalisation of
frontier break-necks...
     have your freedom of speech
England...
but in all honesty...
   i simply can't digest your sense
of humour as easily as you might
think i might...
well... perfect ratio;
for every great eureka
there's an even greater: oops.

it was around 2001, i.e. circa 2001 (tautology,
but not for rhetorical purposes, not as tool of the sophists)
when the mad cow disease spread across
England: that beef and hoof and moo genocide
when the cows got their "geriatric" wobblies
their Parkinson's shake-a-doodle-do's -
frenzied like Elvis finding gravity in the knees
and the pelvis with suede and blue dogs...
music before drug affirmative mantras...
yes... then... around that time...
i was still one year short of sitting my GCSEs...
me and this rascal, Peter, Richardson(?) -
we used to roam the streets on the weekend...
climbing trees, throwing glass bottles into the air
waiting for them to shatter... going up multistorey
car parks and spitting on people...
well... i did have an agenda about spitting on people:
another time when i was much younger
i was taken to Chessington World of Adventures
theme park by my father... there we were minding
our own business watching seals
when a ride passed us... one of those train rides on
stilts - a group of boys in a carriage decided it was
fun to spit on people... one massive phlegm landed
on my father's head... i was furious!
i wanted to get my own back... as it happens...
karma can be blind... there are always collaterals,
innocent bystanders while karma is allowed to sentence
some sort of compensation...
karma is hardly personal: or rather people THINK
that karma obeys personal qualms,
you can't harness karma for your own sake...
but people always cite karma like so, especially in the west...
well i did get my own back...
i managed to land a juicy phlegm hark on a collateral's
head from about 20m high up in a parking lot
with Peter one beautiful Saturday afternoon in Ilford...
so i was supposed to go to this outdoors resort
centre for "poor" and "disadvantaged" kids in Wales,
Glasbury (see it? now say it... the Welsh say it
as Glaze-Bury: it's not Glass-Bury, more on that in
a minute)...
          i didn't go with Peter that year because said X...
bad moo moo...
          but the P.E. (physical education) teacher was kind
enough to offer me a chance to go again
two years later... but then i was sitting my A-levels
but by then Peter was long gone:
deciding to finish his education at 16 and go into tattooing,
getting his teeth knocked out in pub brawls,
ending up working in a carpet retailer
(although, much later i found him shacked up with
this honey and i thought to myself: ****...)
so i went to this retreat...
                    we did horse-riding, caving,
canoeing...
                         but one day we were told to do this exercise...
split into two groups...
one group: older boys with younger girls...
group two: older girls with younger boys...
   we were given a map (topographic to be more exact)...
we were driven out into the countryside away
from the resort...
group two (older girls with younger boys) was
dropped off first...
we were explicitly told... you can follow the road
from where you came... or...
so the first group was dropped off first...
our lot (older boys with younger girls) was dropped
off way way further afield...
to this day i'm wondering if i cheated...
when our lot were dropped off... map in hand...
i asked the driver... so... where are we?
a creazione di adamo finger hovered over the map
and pinpointed our starting position
(don't all public maps ref WHERE YOU ARE
on a map? YOU ARE HERE... so i wasn't cheating,
was i? you need to know where you are on
a map before you can start reading it and then
translating it onto the environment, no?)
so as Michelangelo pointed and then drove off
i took charge... ah! i spotted a short-cut through
a little grove, forest(?) and a cow field...
so as the boys in the group were busy trying to chat
up the girls i ended up (unconsciously or otherwise)
the leader of the group, taking responsibility,
being accountable (**** me, this NVQ3 in spectator
safety is really brainwashing me into being an upstanding
citizen)...
          and so... we managed to beat the other
group... so much so that once we reached the retreat
house we were already busy doing physical exercises
in the yard to **** time while the bewildered group
were coming down the hill with that HUH?! expression...
point being:
now i find myself in a similar situation...
if not a physical intervention dynamic then at least
an insinuation at... dialectical-sophistry...
because you don't have time you don't have
a Platonic leisurely for dialectics per se...
therefore in conflict situations you need
a dialectical-sophistry dynamic: to become quickly
persuasive...
like in my last shift at Tottenham Hotspur...
operating a human cordon at the entrance of
the Seven Sisters tube station entrance...
           the Pareto Principle:
        in terms of crowd control...
         20% of people will cause you 80% of problems...
how did i manage the massive queue of people
with only 6 SIAs (security industry authority operatives)?
i left them to it while i studied the crowd
and listened to their complaints
in order to spread my point of view INTO the crowd
for the crowd to hear my own constraints...
constipations... concerns... whatever...
talk to one person and then word-of-mouth
will do your bidding...
"yes sir, i agree with you, but it is not the football
club's fault, Enfield council should have started
making logistical improvements to the area,
they knew for well over 5 years that
the original stadium would be demolished,
from a 30,000 capacity to a 60,000 capacity...
the infrastructure of the area should have been
updated to accommodate for a strain in egress..."
boom bara boom... talk to one person and then
that person talks to another person in the queue
and you contain the disgruntlement...
you also add the empathetic:
"well sir, every single shift i finish as Wembley,
even though the staff leave at least 2h after an
event, i still have to end up queueing with the spectators,
yes, i too feel like i'm cattle and i'm being herded,
but please appreciate the fact that
when these transport hubs, stations, were built,
there was no incentive for a coliseum culture
revitalisation, football stadiums weren't even remotely
near the capacities they are at the moment,
so how would you begin to increase train station
capacities, would you think that double-decker
trains could be envisioned to accommodate more
people in transit?"
i might not be a police officer... but i'm second best...
my mother always wanted me to be:
either a police officer or a teacher...
well **** that... but it turns out: if i do this security
job and write sly poems on the side...
i might have eventually become both... in an informal
sense of the word...
not that i'm thinking about pleasing my mother's
ambitions for me...
i have my own ambitions... or call them dreams...
only today i sent a picture of a note i crafted
upon waking... first thing that popped into my head...
to my girlfriend... in ******* Hawaii...
go figure... but technology has made such relationships
possible, bearable even...
yes i'm going to have hiccups: i'm a man in my
30s... i wasn't a flirt in my teen years or my 20s...
now i'm a natural flirt... and that's my bad...
i've gained enough confidence over the years that
it's hard for me to not be a flirt...
but a flirt is a game without actually wanting women
a flirt is a way of studying women...
i have one i don't need a harem...
    if girls used to tease boys in their teens...
see... girls play a game of tease...
boys play a game of flirt...
tease for flirt... tease for flirt...
but only once you reach a certain age can you start
to flirt proper... and it's usually with the younger
girls in their 20s... who you have absolutely...
respect(?) - no... interest for...
         but then again: is that neurotypical given how
many instances there are of clucky men
wanting to settle down with younger women?
me... ha ha... am i neurotypical?
                    so i woke up... wrote a note...
took a picture... sent it to HER...
and it read as follows:

                        Groß = Groz
                                         (the same Z in Polish and English)
                 Since Zeit = Cajt (not z'igh 't
                                                 but (tseit - in English
                                                   of ****** phoneticism
                                                as above, cajt)
                ∴ - the one time that Braille influenced
          mathematics, not really, but that's
            therefore:
                      ß = Z                 not Ś or Š
              ß = Z (proper, the Polish and English Z,
          which is not the Deutsche Z which is
           the Polish C and the English TSE)
          
obviously i could have looked this up in a dictionary:
but it's so much more rewarding
when you wake up and have an epiphany...
it's better than waking up with a memory
of a dream... because you wake up with a memory
of a dream rather than the dream itself... no?
well that's what memory is to begin with:
the blurred line with the unconscious
and dreaming... obviously when memory is stripped
of this airy fairy day-dreaming construct
of relaxation and utilised proper for: arithmetic
and spelling... well... that's another matter...

scharf: spitz (spits slavic C)...
Aglican X - kss...
sharf Es stumpf Zee             dead Ed... living Dee
for the three K'appa sounds:
                                "
Cat Quip K' (potassium)         'alium

i had this Spaniard called Jorge... everyone
English called him just that... George (not gorge)
Joerge...
so when i asked him i sort of knew what
he would say: written Jorge...
but in Spanish... d'uh J and G are... H...
Horhe...
                        and yes i could have learned this
from books...
but then... people write books...
so...          why not skip the books and read people?