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Why don’t you like me?

WHY?

You liked me before, you liked me soo much I could tell by the way you looked at me with this big puppy dog brown eyes, they almost looked wet, tearing, as if your love and affection was so full it was about to spill forth all over me.

But now you don’t look at me.  Well, you do but you don’t.  You look at me but you don’t see me, you don’t see the me you loved a few months ago.

Now your all coooooooool
Yeah?
What was that?
Whatever
Huh?
Whatsup?
I’m kind of busy
(But)
I gotta go
(B-)
I’ll talk to you later
(Oh)

But then you never do talk to me later.

What happened?  Did I change?

Am I not quite as pretty, not quite as thin, not quite as perfect as I was before?  Suddenly my nose looks a lot stranger and my stretch marks seem a lot uglier and my stomach seems a lot puffier and my ***** seem a lot smaller.  My eyes seem crooked and my smile seems forced and I suddenly don’t feel as lovely as I felt when you looked at me and saw me like you did before

Like someone swapped my mirror to show me a new me but the problem is I can’t tell which one is real.

I can’t see which one you see.  Or maybe

I just couldn’t be
The me
You see

Or saw, whatever. I’m not sure.  Did I fall from the pretty perfect pristine pedestal you perched me on top of so long ago?  

Or perhaps you grew bored of watching me way up THEEEEEEERE from way down here.  You watched my perfect porcelain smiling teeth collect dust like long forgotten picture frames holding memories of long gone friends, blending into the furniture.  So you left me to rust away with age and neglect until I eventually disappeared completely beneath the building grime of what could have been.

But WHY?

Is there someone else?  Someone more beautiful, more contemporary, more “new and now” and less “last year”.  Is she more intelligent, more poetic, more interesting with better stories better sentences better hip bones.  She’s less flashy less fleshy less feisty but still frisky.  She stands out but she isn’t loud, is polite but not shy and she always chews with her mouth closed.

I know I’m not being fair.

I could’ve been yours.  If I had decided to give you the time of day, a hand on your face or a kiss on your palm I would’ve in an instant been snatched into your loving tan muscley embrace, you would’ve given me all your attention had I ever mentioned that maybe I wanted it.  And even so for so long in your eyes I was yours and you held me so close to the soothing steady beat of love in your heart that for a second I thought that you were mine.  

But you never were, I never gave you those extra minutes on my clock, I never got past my fluttering upset unsure stomach to lean in to kiss that beating heart.  

And now you never will be.

At night I lay awake staring at the clock, cursing it, screaming at it, pounding it against the wall hoping that with sheer will I could somehow make it stop.  How could you let my precious moments and opportunities and letters I never sent sift right through my fingertips like sand, how could you let this happen? This. Time. How could you let us meet in such a way that on this linear plane we would only grow toward each other infinitivally but never actually touch, feel your nervous breath so close to my face but never taste it, only see you for a moment before you go right past me to a somewhere so far away from here.

It’s just not fair.

But it is fair, you were never mine to have.

And now suddenly my ears get hot whenever I think of you, my palms get sweaty when you smile at me, like I’m some pathetic love drunk hormonal 14-year-old girl desperately scribbling our names together in notebooks.  It’s embarrassing, it’s awful, it’s almost comedic.  Let’s make her want him as soon as he closes his door.  Like he had opened his home to me for so long and waited as I stood there unsure and unmoving for months until he decided I probably don’t want to come in, and its getting cold in the kitchen.  As the door slammed in my face I lifted up my hand like wait a second, I’m actually a little cold out here, and I liked watching you smile at me.

Do I really like you or am I just chasing a sunset because I’m afraid of a lonely night?
She slowly awakened, as if from a dream. On a small two-person boat, she was perplexed at how she had gotten there. She saw ahead the accumulation of storm clouds, and the confusion quickly turned into panic. Then, she heard from behind her, “You have woken up”.

   She turned around, almost as if when in a dream, and one is afraid of opening their eyes to the horror their own mind has created. When she was turned fully around, she saw a tribal-looking man, with stripes down both sides of his face with what appeared to be ash and an adhesive liquid of some sort. “You might be a little hungry”, the man said and handed over some bacon and a banana. She still did not speak, for she knew not what she would say if she did. She was hungry, so she ate the bacon and banana, both going down rather quickly as neither is very massive in size. He then handed her a canister which she assumed was water, and she drank from it.
He looked at her with a smirk of inquisitive anticipation.

    “You probably are wondering where you are, and who I am”. She shook her head yes. At this point in time, she was honestly not altogether sure her vocal chords would work, and she did not feel the desire to speak. So, she simply shook her head and at the same time relaxed her tense shoulder muscles.

   “Well, I am not going to tell you who I am. I am simply here to help you. Your guide, if you will.” She then suddenly was struck with the desire to speak. “How did I get here, because I really have no idea. I am actually quite confused and worried at the moment. I just remember lying down after going to eat with my boyfriend. I have been exhausted for days, in the mourning process. My favorite pet, my best friend passed away and I just have not been able to sleep. We buried him this morning, which was an ordeal which took all my energy away for today. We ate, came home and I lied down. I am really quite perplexed right now. Are we even in Ohio anymore?”
   The man just sat, with his almond-shaped eyes looking at her with an intent stare. He really did not look very modern-day, and yet he did not really look like a hobo, either. He was just wearing some men’s length shorts, no shirt. It was a pleasant temperature outside, probably around 70 degrees. She usually was cold in moderate weather, and she felt fine. However, she heard the distant rumble of thunder, which worried her.

   “We aren’t really anywhere. We are in a quiet, still place, a place where you need to be right now.” She was not sure what he meant, and she was becoming a bit irritated with this man’s vague way of handing her situation.

   “Well, I would really like to get back home. If you could take me somewhere where I could do that, it would be greatly appreciated. I’m sure my boyfriend is really worried about me. Does he know where I am, do you know?”

   The man kept looking at her. She began noticing a strange, orange hue in his almond-shaped eyes, a look that seemed familiar to her, although the look is not very common amongst men. It was almost like in werewolf movies when the man is turning, only a much, much more subtle coloration.

   “We are almost there. It will only be a few more minutes”, he said. She was becoming very frustrated, and moreso scared.

   “Really, we should not be out here, look at the sky. It is turning a rather bothersome shade of gray. And I hear the thunder. Warmth and storms are not a good thing. It means there may be a tornado, two different fronts colliding. I am serious, if you do not take this boat to shore, I will…”

   The man then stood up abruptly, almost with the agility of a cat. There was a very distinguishable spring in his step, and she wondered if he maybe had been an athlete. His eyes had become even more slanted now, and were a bit scary, almost like a gray alien, which terrified her to no end. His bald head shone in the light of what little sun came from the slits in the gray matter in the sky. He did not really look black, or white. He didn’t really look oriental or Hispanic, either. Honestly, if there were a color between green and black, a color that no one maybe had ever seen in a human being before, it would have been the color of his skin. Almost like a marble cake, with it all swirled almost entirely together, leaving only a very fine line to tell it was, indeed marble cake.

   “No, we are not going to shore. This is very important. I am sorry I cannot tell you, but a man cannot know where he is going when he is headed toward something unknown, something he has never seen before. For how could he? He has never seen. If I were to try to tell you without you seeing it with your own eyes, you may think you had gone mad and jump overboard. Not that you would drown, as this water is not more than twenty feet deep. But, there is indeed a pretty nasty storm coming, so doing so would not be in your best interest. Please, sit down and trust me. This is for you. You will soon understand. I am your friend…”

   The girl now felt in a bit of a panic. She seriously began to think she had been kidnapped by some crazy person, and she frantically dug through her pockets, trying to locate a phone she should have had with her…
   No phone. No idea where she was going, or where she was for that matter. Just that she was on a boat with a complete stranger, who was beginning to seem more familiar, and yet more odd and foreign by the minute. She could not have been more startled, nor dumbfounded.
Finally, a large ripping sound could be heard from the heavens, and rain began to pour down on them. She saw just ahead what looked like a formation growing in the water. But what could it be? A formation, in the water. It did not look like creature, but more like a hurricane. But a hurricane? On a lake, with a mere 20 foot depth? No way in hell that was even possible! She turned to the man, rain and hair streaking her face until all around her had become a mere blur of color and shape.
“What the hell is that?!” she screamed. She was beginning to shiver, partly from cold and partly from sheer terror. She looked at the man, and he actually looked like he was trying not to completely lose it, like a POW enduring water boarding to protect the secrets of his country. His almond-shaped eyes looked enraged. If she had to guess, she would have said he looked as if he had never touched water before, but tried to avoid it altogether his whole life.

   “No, it’s not a hurricane. It is something you will have to experience. I cannot explain it to you.”

   “Will it hurt me?”

   “No… it will show you…”

   She turned around then, and before she knew it they had entered into the gigantic formation of dark gray matter. She then felt a strange dizziness come over her, and then a sudden, almost unbearable burst of happiness and sadness, all at the same time. It was like a gigantic burden had burst from her chest, and she could finally rest in peace. She then looked over at the man… and she couldn’t believe her eyes.
To her, what her eyes wanted her to believe was that the man at this time, had turned into what appeared to be a cat, a tabby cat! The stripes of gray and black on his face had grown into fur of the same color, all over his face, like a Chia Pet on super speed. His eyes had become a very intense shade of yellowish orange, and his mouth looked tighter, puffier and had a few goatee hairs that seemed longer than the rest. His whole body, arms, legs, face… it all had taken a cat-like appearance. She felt as if he had to have been dreaming. But the rain, the wind, the “hurricane”… it all seemed so real. SO very real.


   “My name is Mr. Gingist, and I have brought you here to show you that I am okay. You do not understand it now, but when you do, it will all fit together perfectly. You can rest now. I am.”
Mr. Gingist in this story, represents Mr. Tiggins, the name I used to call my cat Tigger sometimes. I had this story in my mind right after Tigger died, and it kinda stayed there. This was written about three years ago, right after he died. It is not my best work, but it is definitely close to my heart, and that is what matters. Thanks for reading.
Aaron Ownbey Dec 2016
When i was little i remember things that no longer are,
Like seeing the sky full of endless stars.
I remember watching the giant birds flying free,
Their home no more was the river of Sespe.
My mind goes back to when the waters ran wild,
Pushing and pulling me when i was a child.
I saw clouds puffier than a giants cottontail,
The fillmore train riding its rail.
I rode without seat belts and ate all on my plate,
Life when i was a little was nothing but great.
My toys made of matel and i played in the dirt,
I made mud pies and stained my shirt.
Telivision was black and white
and there was no remote control,
Back when the firplace had to be cleaned of its coal.
There was no internet, cellphones or xbox,
We had a desease called chickenpox.
I remember fruit trees for miles i would see,
Everything when i was little is worth remembering.
Now that im all grown nothing  is  the same,
Its scares me to think what the world has became.
Surrounded by lights now the stars cant shine through,
And the California Condor is gone now too.
The rivers once full are now dessert dry,
The clouds are man made and i ask why?
The train still on track it drives the same rail,
Seat belts a must or you go to jail.
Electronics are what kids play these days,
In fact  kids are impossible to raise.
I remember when i was little and wishing to be just that,
No other place in life i would rather be at.
Louise Sep 2017
Before we know it, it will be another year.
A crisp, brand new air, an integration
of the piercing cold and blazing warmth.
Feel that tinge of satisfaction left by the aftermath of the rain and sun's
constant tug-of-war.
By then, my hair will be longer.
The bags under my eyes could become puffier or I could do something about them over the next summer, who knows.
But April and May can be deceiving.
They can make girls like me do things
normal girls only does in November.
I might crack a fortune cookie
or smash my head onto a crystal ball.
Just trying my luck. Or lack thereof.
That's if I decide that I no longer fancy
dancing to the sound of raindrops in July.
Hopefully I will grow taller, like your girls.
You've always adored my complexion
and I've always wanted it to be
a little darker; like that of light cinnamon.
By then, I wouldn't have to blink twice
when you tell me that you miss gazing into my eyes, the same way you yearn the feeling you felt when staring at the moon when you were a child.
Or I wouldn't have to force a smile out of my weary lips when you try to tell me how you're in love with me, with your lips falling into a grim line right after.
My eyes will be unfaltering, unchallenged.
My ribs will become protruded, I know.
The bags under my eyes, more pronounced.
I will probably become skinnier, and I might not really do something about it over the next and summers and more.
As this passing September air is a quick breath and a stained glass window to the ensuing months and switching seasons,
until it kisses the back of the hands of departing August, pull it closer to the end,
I will no longer have to wonder.
I write about September in hopes that
when I meet you in the eye,
I will be what you were wishing for.
But I'm afraid how my monsters are slowly becoming scarier each day.
Scarier for you to look in the eyes.
Scarier for you to dance with, even.
Next september, everything will be sweeter.
I am helplessly lusting over the mystery that
lies between all these tears
and couple more months of misery.
Next september, I'll be prettier.
I'll be stronger, smarter and braver.
And we'll be full of memories or regrets, more poems or everything all at once.
We'll be everywhere or nowhere to be found. Maybe they'd find us in one of the clouds or in a full theater without sounds.
By then, I hope I'm still not dead.
I hope our love is still burning bright red.
Edited
Commuter Poet Jan 2018
Back and forth
Like a child on a swing
I feel the breeze on my face
And thump of my heart

Tho turning greyer
Puffier each year
I will never forget...

Riding my bike
On a Sunday afternoon
In the park
With my friends

Coming home
Hot, sweaty

Mourning the sunset
Wishing there was still
Time

To play

Wishing the weekend
Could last
Forever

Until I blink
And it is over

I blink
And I am older

I blink
And decades have passed

I blink

I blink

One day
I will be gone

Nothing but memories

But while I am here

I will protect the child
28th January
Sunday evening feeling
Jonathan Moya Jul 2020
The light was so bad I made some clouds—
little cotton ***** taped to helium balloons
drifting up to the heavens.

The first were the standard balloon animals:
dogs, sheep, horses, giraffes, lions.

They folded conventionally but
became much more creative creatures
with more cotton piled on.
The orange poodle became a bison,
the sheep a yak, the horse a hippopotamus,
giraffes just puffier and more absurd giraffes,
the lions awesome saber tooth tigers.

I added man, men, woeful enough
that they needed a woman to tell them what to do.
Later I made the men sheep and the women lions.
I gave the dogs rabbit ears.
The sheep were now wolves.

I made the sky ark a canopy
to cover it from the dissolving sun,
a fluffy river to slack its thirst,
filled it with cotton candy gold fish
glittering bottle nose dolphins and ***** whales
echo locating each other’s existence,
populated its banks with palm trees and oaks
to shade all the other animals airy heads.

I created and created until the
creation created itself.
Lions became oaks,
sheep became mountains,
dogs became gods
wanting only attention
and belly rubs,
demanding all cloud creatures
know themselves only through
the smelling of each other’s *****.  

It rained the last of the rain,
the last bit of **** left in their bowels,
rained until they could only ****.  

I was irritated by the smell.
I was irritated by the noise.
I was irritated by how
they didn’t let me play my piano,
or continue creating my house
or not let me go to bed.  

I was locked in place
and couldn’t look back.

I wanted to cover my ears
but my hands were gone.
I wanted to cover my nose
but it had broken, fallen off
into a pillar of salt.

I shouted until someone
or something heard me
and covered my mouth
with a primate hand,
stopped my ears
with a canine paw.

Creation
had stopped my creation
knowing that I hadn’t been satisfied
with what I had done
that very first day
and needed a reset.

— The End —