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Dhimss Jul 2023
I think I miss you more in the company of others.

Where silences have to be filled and middle-grounds need to be established.
Where triggers have to be explained and things have to be shared.
(You know I hate sharing when it's not you, I share with.)

Where memories have to be created and trust has to be forged and love will pave way but my heart is already yours, and you’ve broken it in multifolds.

We stand at crossroads,
You ask me to let go,
And I want to say no.

I miss you
And most of me knows we’re over now,
but stay a little longer, Just until tomorrow.

The tomorrows will keep coming and one day I will let go.
Without me having to convince you into staying and you wanting to leave,
Why leave just yet?

What’s one more day in the grand schematics when I’ve held it together for years before,
Why not stay for another day, before we finally let go?
Ileana Amara May 2020
people possess three things in life:
a shield, a heart, and a dagger

a shield for the logic,
a heart for the soul,
a dagger forged by the strength of emotion,
unbeknownst to many about its origin.

people used these three things,
a dagger to protect oneself from this cruel world,
a heart to beat its rhythm of existence,
and a shield to ward off the weapon from wounding and distorting a heart.

why do we need a dagger?
it takes two to tango,
it takes chaos to begin chaos.

people wander relentlessly,
breathing, and existing and loving,
until a dagger pierces through,
leaving an open wound,
and a weapon sharpened.

little do we know,
the closer the proximity,
the more ideal love gets,
the lesser we see it coming,
the lesser we forget,
a shield is used to protect a soft, beating creature.

from an open wound,
and sharp weapon,
the cycle of chaos arise,
few people heal,
multifolds stab another heart,
"perhaps there will always be another heart to break."

one polished its shield very well;
the logic and knowledge
choked a heart to non-existence,
there was nothing left to stab,
there was nothing left to feel.

one stood with a wooden shield,
a state of balance within,
of calm and chaos and fear
to wound and lose its heart,
and be forced to survive with a dagger.

the pandemic goes on,
perhaps only until the daggers cease to exist,
soft creatures cannot battle with a heartless one,
it can only tame a while, until it becomes distorted and heartless too.

the pandemic weakens
when a wounded heart heals,
not because of the shield,
not because of time itself,
but because it's a wonder: some hearts can never be irreparably broken.

IA
Outcast Dreamer Feb 2020
And tell me...
where should I take all this pain,
This depression that makes me
Not even feel a dime's worth.

Should I pour it in form of love?
To expect few cents of the same from the other?
Because I know how horrid it feels,
To drift aimlessly in vain...

It's not like I haven't done that before,
But it's something that has left me more torn than healed,
The expectations and promises from both sides
Weighing down on my turbid brain
Thoughts that remain unsinkable in the name of comprise and hope,
That everything will be alright one fine day.
The dismay to pay for everything in exchange of one love,
Be it friendship, the comfort when things fall apart.
Should I really turn my pain in the form of love?
For love is the pain worthwhile to feel,
But I am already full of cracks through which even if love pours,
All I feel is doubts, uncertainty and dismay.

Should I pour it in the form of friendship?
For I have encountered snakes more than I count,
If everyone is scared of the same pain why do they bother inflicting the same on others?
Mistakes are the definition of our imperfections,
Why do they forget the good times when things turn dire
and neglect our inner conscience?

Should I pour it zealously in my work?
Burn my pain with passion for fuel?
Been there, done that.
It's a matter of time before the burnout,
And that's when the pain intensifies multifolds.
Hopelessness never felt so bottomless.

So tell me...
Where shall I pour this pain?
For I can't make peace with it,
Life has never been that easy to begin with ~

— The End —