I never want to take your freedom away, i want it for you and for me , i want it to give each other space, to balance our energy, to have friends, but with honesty, with commitment, with communication and with mutual trust, because with this is just peaceful to live our lives without the stress of what is this without any fear or stress in this, the way we want knowing we can come back together in peace and trust. you say i give you mental stress with my messages,maybe because i express it all, or what can i know?, and i never want to do that to you, i want you to be happy.
I give myself the time to process emotions and Maybe one day you will understand the difference between sleeping with someone and
wanting to wake up next to someone, to know the smell of the person and only wanting to wake up to say good morning and kiss you that's something i didn't experience before and it's so nice to see the sun in the eyes of another person every morning.
Maybe one day you will see the difference between spending time with someone and investing time to someone.
Maybe one day you will understand that if you want another person to let you be you need to be transparent and accept the other person as it is, let the person feel as it want to feel, be as it want to be to enjoy it, to not be so afraid to feel.
The difference between being there to get company and being there because you don't want no one else in that place, the difference between being an option and being sure if you have the chance you will chose to be there every time.
The difference between holding a body and holding a soul, The difference between intimacy getting a naked bodies and having naked soul, is not the same to have *** than make love to someone.
To let a person in , showing everything as it is , let know your fears, dreams, regrets, pain, memories, to put the past in the earth and stop putting water to death flowers, to let another person help you control your demons, to really be better person.
That scars and all the suffer are opportunities for growing, like scars that shows you survive its a way of showing where it hurt and where it got heal, suffering is opportunities to be a better human, we can be misserable or we can be stronger it takes the same energy to build any of this
I really put trust in you, you don't know how much is that for me. I think trust is something that can be broke so fast, it doesnt take the love away but it hurts to trust and recive lies.
You came to open old wounds for me and i think i did the same for you, i need to learn to watch my emotions and process them, and i need to protect a lot my heart, to learn to read the intentions of people.
i did everything with a lot of love and i did it because i want it and i dont regret nothing i did, maybe i will not do it that way next time, but definitely i was super happy, i wish we could be 100% because i can't give less and you cant give more and its okay, i was happy meanwhile we got it, i kind wish you were better with me, patience with me, and i kind wish i can go back i was really lost in you, you ask me to many times how can you feel so much in so short time, you dont know me, but i told you felt i do, and for me it was just easy to love you.
You want to enter to the water but you dont want to get wet, thats not living, is going in the water like a death fish,Maybe one day you will understand the difference between feeling the water taking it all in breathing and feeling it in your skin and just getting wet, maybe one day you will realized avoiding your feeling is like a loop you will just go back to the same point, that if you avoid the emotions, lessons and inner demons they will just come in different ways, people, circumstances.
It's so important to learn from lessons of life so it doesn't come over and over again, and to not carry all alone, to let yourself trust and not feel alone, i don't mean in a ****** way i mean in an emotional way .
Maybe one day you will understand that if you are expecting the perfect wave, you will lose it, because life is what you make with it, and it's how you learn to get in the waves. That if you want to try everything you will never really have anything. That lifes is made for enjoying and taking the best of every situation, is a constant learning.
Maybe one day you will understand the difference having someone in your arms and huging so close hearing your heart and think that's mine and i want my heart to go on the same rhythm, wanting to heal every part of that heart. to be chosen and not consider . maybe one day you will see
my best lessons are the things that hurt me, my last mistakes, and i hope you learn so much from this and from all. You remind me so much to a person i loved and death took away from me and i think this is a reason for me to be so patience with you, maybe it's another reason i open so fast, and i fall so *******, it's so difficult to say goodby to you, and it's so difficult to stay angry with you i really want the best for you, and i think that's a reason i really give you the best, it was really easy to love you, to know you, to hear you.
i wish you so much healing. i want it to love you in freedom, the thing is you don't want love . i feel super lonely right know you become my home in berlin, and i will not replace you, it was a beautiful home, but i know i will come back to me.
What if i never send you this message?, What if i keep it to myself?, What if ? Maybe i am the one who is gonna learn, and when i want to send you this messege, then im gonna wait. Until i learn this. Until i learn.
