I remember when I was a young girl, lying on my bed, with the oversized pink comforter, and reading.

Reading romance novels.

Novels that always began with a girl, to which I immediately identified myself, who was alone.

And out of nowhere, this mysterious, incredibly masculine, charming, and great looking man, would sweep into her life, and she would fall in love.

Most times she would not admit it, but rather, play hard to get, and misperceive some action of his in the wrong way and think him a pig, but still love him anyhow.

They ALWAYS ended , however, with everything working out and them both professing this larger than life love for each other, and THE END.

Ok so now I am all grown up... and life hasn't even slightly resembled any one of the novels I read.

And I guess after all this time it is easier not to believe....I mean after all...they were all fiction.

Where is the non-fiction romance section at the bookstore?...oh I know there isn't one.

Shame on all these authors for disillusioning me and so many other young girls.

And somewhere in my sick little mind...I am still searching for it...and think that quite possibly I may have found it...there is only one problem...my courage has been wore down after all these years and I fail to act.

Can I write a book about that?

Sometimes we misperceive what people are saying I for one am guilty of this for Christ calls us to know that this battle is not a fleshy one and at times we can misunderstand why people say thing we need to love others fully and do not allow our fleshy heart dictate our thoughts patterns but love others no matter what we think that we might have heard we are a fallen group of people love you all.

cantankerous

dear mom
it’s your fault
i miss you
i wish you knew
each piece of each
morsel of my heart
beat
more than these pieces of paper do.

they embody my body
language
scattered
sporadic
mislabeled
man and mishandled
like me with
the three i
speak fluently
incompetent and ineffective
ly. suffixes that suffocate me
as ***-backwardly i
awkwardly demean
when i mean to
seek through them the
clarity
you misperceive.

i couldn’t tell you
why i’m me
or how i came to be
the part of we
you’d rather
weep over
as does one
with the dis-ease
of a disease
that precedes
the deceased.

weep not over me justifiably
just
if i believe
it’s not i
you bereave.

-

WEDNESDAY JUNE 27, 2018
02:04 AM

Doesn’t it sick you that money is the apex of our world, rather than people or good? Those people who possess a sufficient amount of authority and - for that matter - vile in them, would replace you for a sum of bucks if they could within the snap of their fingers? Doesn’t that appal you, doesn’t it make you want to be swallowed by the floor and to submerge into a completely different world, one with different people, different concerns, different moral standards in which no money quite exists or, more realistically, at least doesn’t own the most priority in many of the individual’s eyes? If you have not ever sensed the pressure of disappointment bubbling up within you at the glimpse of what the world has become, or if you have never had the back of your hair raise up in dismay as you become enlightened with the horrible facts about this world called Earth, or not the planet, but the cruel people that inhabit it? If you haven’t, perhaps you are one of them, or perhaps you are just not in the mood to face the crude truth, and for that, I do not blame you, nonetheless, I wish that all those people greedy for wads of green paper could as well not care for all the luxuriates that will never make one truly happy. For pleasure is not, and will never transcend true joy, pleasure is temporary, often easy to achieve which almost always comes with consequences such as the harm of others, pleasure lasts then goes, leaving the person the same as they were previously before they had stooped down to the participation in quick pleasure which is exactly what the name says. If one cannot sense pure happiness, pleasure-evoking activities or luxuries such as a lavish apartment or an imposing smartphone device will not grant them it, it will simply blind them for awhile with a feeling they may misperceive as joy and then will leave. Taking this notion of, pleasure varying tremendously with joy, one should never feel envy to those with big homes and crammed wallets, as one can be far happier than them with not an awing amount of cash on their bank account, all you need is food, water and shelter, of course, ambition and a goal that one can check on once in a while to ascertain themselves that they are living up to your real potential will serve as extreme help, in fact, ambition is what keeps one going, the money will not. Pleasure is not bad at all, but using pleasure as hope for joy can be as because it lasts for a short period of time, after its absence one will strive to get the high back which can lead them to do absurd things, such as wasting money, little do those people know, all it takes to be happy is to accept yourself and accept growth and development which, in contrary, will take effort. Now, more than ever, it is time for those whom only perceive a good future with the possession of money to open their eyes, as pleasure sometimes serves to form a monster who only sees their treasure.

with a scheming, loving, and enticing guise
alive and well seeking gullible guys
(once upon a time just like me),
who experiences close encounters
of masterly baited entrapment
on Facebook Messenger
and most likely endemic
on other social media platforms.

My humblest bumblebee apology
if nothing but utter milky confusion
ensues from legions of double entendres,
and puns lobbed across your screen
in a harmless attempt
to parry and ****** with playfulness,
but take a deep breath
cause by the end of this posting
(girl scout's honor) you will wheeze
after weathering tumultuous introduction
to poetic missive of mine
merely meant to tickle those axons
populating the nose
about to make the nostril(s),
and neurons as a tease
sne, snee...sneez...achoo...sneeze
analogous to a feather
sorry if you get an allergic reaction
and experience more'n knocked knees.

No easy way to offer you an abridged version
(and brook those undercurrents of riptides)
that wrought havoc and delivered
nothing but hard times to this writer and kin
the latter (two grown daughters)
long since launched successful lives.

I constantly felt rent asunder
and whipped (though
miraculously survived) this way and that
(by abysmal fate)
in what most likely
appeared to be beyond the ability
to function, yet someone
(by the slick grace of some divine force,
and faith no more in inherent strength)
wordsmith performed requisite duties
as house husband and father
never experienced deliverance
(cue dueling banjos)
after dehydration videlicet salivation
from accursed ***** deeds done dirt cheap
to be adumbrated within
subsequent sketchy
following lines of gibberish
possibly triggering favorable rapport
with thee dear reader to evolve.

How impasse and quagmire
of cumulative emotional, financial,
and spiritual tsuris
bogged me down courtesy
the swamp thing
(near to the point of emotional, mental
and physical suffocation)
would necessitate an acquaintanceship
to be established analogous
to purchase computer
components at best buy
which assemblage
of functioning moon units game plan
for this moderately agitated guy,
(which psychic state exemplified
via frenetic and jangling prose)
and impossible mission
to attempt a summarization
of once dire dilemma
back some years from the here and now.

So many issues assaulted
and beat down upon this ordinary specie
of **** Sapiens severely
undermined capability to enjoy existence.

Okay, I will try to isolate each strand
of one mishmash tapestry,
which tight weave of duress
worn like some tattered
uncomfortable trojan made
ribbed miniature overcoat.

Unsure if ye might perceive
yours truly (the writer of these words)
as did the missus consider me a "good" catch
perhaps the reply might be to go fish or fetch
p'raps calling me nuttin - just an ole letch
butta hope not to make a ya retch
this unknown older laddie
nada a suite executive by any stretch
more so a bumbling wretch.

This dollop of gobbledygook me level best
to offer a virtual brightened
and enameled then
(at time of crafting these words
gap toothed smile revealed remaining
few teeth - think
jack o lantern, now yours truly
sports full set of dentures)
after periodontal disease bacteria did infest
and whittled away jaw bones,
thus neither false pearly whites
nor misshapen physique representative
hardly the imprimatur
of a gentleman quarterly
magazine model beau geste
as you can deduce,
I like to write for fun and jest,
which some find to be a fossilized pest
and in my mind I let flit
fantasies for some ****** quest
followed by a blissful rest
once confirming my tool
passes the electric kool acid battery test,
thence prayerfully hope to regale
in such physical closeness
with zeal and zest.

We could (in our respective wet dreams)
possibly find ourselves
walking down that wedding aisle,
no matter we rank
as utter and complete strangers
and ye may misperceive me
as some old decrepit human crocodile
making a proposition to pledge our troth
when we never met
yet...the fickle finger of fate works
in a most awesome and unpredictable ways,
but please no need to feel obliged
to give a number for me to dial
unless...comfort and ease arises
to go that extra green day mile
per responding to this older mwm
with a poetic and prosaic penchant
swiftly taylored and harried styled.

So...if offered salvation of eternal life
against condemnation imposed since birth
per mortality vis a vis unfair fate so cruel
this plain speaking male suffered prepubescent
emotion null budding nipped,
and fully flowered anorexic loosestrife
would be game to allow, enable, and provide
the grim reaper
to take monopoly of mein kampf
and to take a chance well worth
and take at least one sip
from fountain of youth and duel
with divine creator a greater match
than my darling wife,
who did not deserve just desserts
administered, doled, heaved out to her
as undeserved mistreatment.

No emerald, ruby sapphire nor flash in the pan
could ever sway me away from living a short span
that would allow and offer at least a millennium
I know such a garden of eden
solely in thy imagination of this ordinary man.

I, (an articulative, contemplative,
non manipulative and speculative
married celibate, friendly,
circumspective, introspective, respective
barbarian Neanderthal, disestablishmentarian,
latitudinarian, proletarian, sexagenarian,
solitudinarian, utilitarian,
and Unitarian married male)
try to make crystal clear
my unswerving, and unvarying pursuit
for life, liberty and a platonic relationship
with acceptable, affable, amiable, available,
bankable, cherishable, compassionable, creditable
demonstrable, endurable, enjoyable, equitable
fashionable, favorable, formidable, honourable,
impregnable, indomitable, ineradicable, inimitable
for starters general type of women agreeable to me.

I hate to entertain lofty delusions
or illusions of glandular grandeur
but one night stands never appealed
to this above average, boyish looking individual,
even when I lived far from the madding crowd
as a Norwegian bachelor farmer in Lake Woebegone.

Living social in pseudo wedded bliss,
those tempestuous altercations I do not miss.