When children are abused I cant help but feel so bad and cry for them. When children are abused they dont know what is happening especially if its your own parents or parent. They dont know because of the shock and **** they are going through. All they know at that moment is that they are getting yelled or or getting charged at and they know they are going to be beaten with something. They have the shock and there heart is racing very fast. They dont know whats going to happen next they dont know if they are going be in horrific pain to the piont they cant move or not. All they know what to do is do exactly do what the person is doing to them what they say with out answer anything but yes and  do it. If they dont there will be more horrific pain. With all this happening to them knowing that right then all they feel is physical pain. Later in life they figure out that it wasn't just physical it was emotional and mental to. How was it mental and emotional by knowing that there own parent or parents did that to them. It haunts them for the rest of their lifes more so if it happens more then once. It makes them feel like they can never trust anybody in there lifes ever again. They build a wall up and dont let alot of people in because they are afraid of getting hurt again. Most kids end up in fostercare for what there parents did to them. So when they are there in the fostercare home do you think they feel safe and happy? If you thought yes you are wrong they are more scared then ever because they have strangers around them and no one they know. The foster parents may say your safe and hug you but you still dont feel safe and loved because  they dont have people around them that they know love them. Most of the time they just want there parents although they just got abused and but through all that pain. Its becuase most of the time they are not themselves. They are either drunk or high. The kids know that and they know that there parents must be nice when they are sober becuase they have seen there friends parents nice to them. When children are being abused when they are young they most likely dont ever wanna go home they want to be at school or somewhere they are happy. When all that is taken away from them all they want to be is home in the abusive place becuase thats where they realized was the most comforting safest place is at home in there room. Most of the time its either friends or a sibling that calls the police becuase thats all they know what to do. Usally its a sibling that is either scared and wants help or is treated better then the one that is getting abused. If the child that goes away to a foster home with out a sibling. She is more likely to get scared and put a shield up towards anybody that she doesnt know and trust. She most likely wont talk to anybody. She will cry most of the day because she feels like she is alone and doesn't have anyone around her. Even when the other foster kids and parents are there and willing to calm her down and comfort her. She wont let them because she wants someone she can trust and she knows to calm her down and comfort her and hold her. The simple words coming out of someone they knows mouth "Its going to be ok I am here for you to hold you comfort you to calm you down when you are upset." Those simple words to a child meen the world to them when they got abused and are taken away from the situation. Those words may seem nothing to you but to that child it meens everything more then you can imagine unless you went through it. You went through it like me I wrote this because I know people that have got abused just like me. I wrote this because I know how it feels to be be abused by your parents and then feel like you have no one until those words are said then you feel like you have someone. That its going to be ok and someone is finally going to treat you the you deserved to be treated loved cared for and supported no matter what you do in life. When you have the right people in your life you dont realize what your life was like back then until you have the right people in your life and they show you the true meening of life happiness and love and trust. Although you have the happiness love and trust your past abuse or abuses still are there for the rest of your life. Its ok though because you know what not to do to your children and what to do to your children. You can raise them right by showing them you care love and want happiness for them and they can always trust you for anything. If its for those special words of if its for adivce. They will always know you are there for them no matter what. even if you think they dont because they are doing something you dont like they still love care and want happiness for you. So what you can do is stop child abuse from happening with your kids!!!!

When I was 14 and younger I had my uncle Tom he was not only my uncle he was my bestfriend. I loved him dearly and he loved me. When I would come home from being in Montanna or I would just be comming over he would hug me like I was gone for attornity. He would hug me so tight it felt so good to be held like that and to know I was missed so much by a special man. His hugs were not the only thing his name for me was to I was called moon. When I was born he was the first man to hold me other then my father and from the time I was put in his arms to the time he looked at me and into my eyes I have been his moon. To this day I still dont know why I was his moon but when I would be upset and be crying he would wrap me in his arms and tell me "Dont cry my moon everything is going to be ok" and from those words I would fall asleep in his arms and know everything was going to be ok. Although my uncle died in 2006 he is greatly thought of and missed by his moon. My uncles death was the hardest death for me not only because it was the first in my life but because he was such a special man in my life. For the first year it was hard to think of him gone I would always think I was gone and I would see him soon. It is very hard to finally realize a person that you love and meens so much to u is offically gone forever. A few years go by and you are finally getting the hang of being without  that specail person and finally feel ok about it. You do heal from it just takes a long time and you do move on. My advice is do the things that special someone would want for you and accomplish them. If its a sport dont stop playing because you feel like you are teasing them do it cause you and that special someone loved to do it together. Dont stop something you love to do just because that special someone you did it with isnt there to do it with you. Its not rubbing it in its keeping a good game or activity going that you and that special someone did together. I promise you keep thriving they will be proud because you know what makes them proud.

when I am all alone in my room it's peaceful physically. Although mentally my head is so busy and loud its not funny. I tend to stare off into space and think about my mom and and dad actually my whole biological family. How there not there for me and never have been unless it was to have something to be blamed on me even if I didnt do it. I would take the blame for it and move on hurt in everyway you could imagine. Hurt to the piont where I could let go of them and never look back again. Although I just keep going back back to get there approval over every little thing. So I can just feel there love even if it hurt me I knew it was still love love from them. As I live with a non bio family member I think I am wasting alot of time by hurting myself and them alot. When I have a family right where I am that loves me like I was there biological family memeber. There child and there sister. I dont need to go through all the pain I put myself into to get the love I am looking for I have it right where I am. The parents treat me just like there children. The kids they treat me like there own sisters and brother. I believe I was sent through all the things I was sent through so I could know and feel what a real family feels like. Like conconditional love and disapline. They consider me one of there children when they introduce me to someone they already know they introduce me as there daughter. I know that they love me and would do anything to protect me from any harm at all no matter what I know if my husband was beating me or my children my mom would kick his *** tell he couldnt move and would go to jail for it. I know thats how much they love me and same thing with my dad. Of course I still love my biological parents I always will but I know 100% I am safe, wanted blame free when its not my fault and loved right where I am. For me to be able to move on and heal my wounds my biological family did to me I have to let them go. That doesnt meen I wont ever get to see them it meens not putting myself out there to see them and in the end getting hurt. I have to remind myself if they want to see me they will call me I don't have to call them and set myself up for hurt. Even if they don't call me and don'twant to see me I now that I didnt do anything wrong. I have a family right here to love me and give me the attention I need that I never had. To give me advice when I need it to guide me in the right path to disapline me into a strong independant women. So when its time to flap my wings and fly I can do it on my own and do strong. Stronger then I even imagined I can ever be before I met Kelly and Carl my true parents. The ones that have shown me the true meening of life, family and love. They have shown me I don't need the extra baggage on me and need my biological parents to approve every little thing I do. That I don't need to get hurt by my biological parents and family and be blamed for every little thing my parents did while I was a child I can live through life not feeling guilty for taking the blame for that because I know it wasnt my fault I was just a child being put through hell and back. Shoved from one home to another and blamed for my biological parents drugs and alcohol abuse. I can let all of it go and live and soon flap my wings and fly my life the way it should have been flown in the begining. How do I let go of all the extra baggage is support from my true family and my true friends. I would never be able to get through life without them.

Kneeds prayer
For ma dear friend
He jus disappeared don know where he been
He meens alot to many
But he been hurt real bad
Bye wone who kouldnt preciate him
But one will in the end
Ma friends a  truu king
A king not a child's.
He drive manee women crazies.
As only one drives him wilds.
Though the one he luvs
As othas can see don't luv him bak!
If he kould only see
He has a tuns of women who got his bak.
If only he kould see
So many will givee him
What he truly deserves.
Though he luves her
Get me enrage...
Tho he luv her
Every women wants him to stay.
Tho he luv her
She Kant even see him.
He luv her
She don wan him
He love her
Yet I'm starting to reelize
I want him so bad
My boyfriend and I just friends now
Since my boyfriend just wanted friend!
But its OK bekause,
I want another
Who don want me back.....
He luv her
Mad chicka enraged
I think I'll cry lonaly,
Sleep-in a cave
But see agin
I want him!
He don know.
Or wantee me at all.
He loves her.
His queen in his kingdom ball.
But I want him
Jealous? Am I????
**** yea!
But I kan be betta,
I kan be bad.

Im on edge and im waiting to fall off
I went too far and now i dont know how to correct the mistakes ive made
I chose to walk in the dark,
When the light shined in my face
I ignored everyones voice when i obeyed my evil conscience
I tried different things but only one was allowed to be involved
It was the one in which i hurt
The voice inside my head forced me to bleed
I had to choke to try to breathe
I had to be blind to gain my sight back
I had to be deaf in order to hear
I had to be silent to get my voice again
And to be numb meens i couldnt move forever
Almost dead;
I had to suffer
I felt everything and anything that crossed me
My strength gave out and so did my heart
I became weak
I became brittle
My bones would bring me down to the ground
My mind is dying while my body tries to fight
The illness lives inside me
The enemy tries to control me
I couldnt sleep without nightmares
I couldnt breathe without hyperventilating
I couldnt see without my vision being blurry
I couldnt hear without my ears being plugged
I couldnt speak without my voice being mute
Numerous feelings going out of control
I couldnt release the anger without abuse
I couldnt release the tears without drowning
I couldnt release the sorrow without harm
I couldnt release the silence without pain
I sewed my wounds
I healed my thoughts
I bandaged my heart
But i covered my scars
I thought it was over but my blood kept eacaping
I went through a storm
I got shaken
I got tortured
I got beaten on the floor
Now to learn means gaining the strength again
I had to die to come alive again