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A Jilleen Dec 2015
“You’re being childish”
She says to a child.
In my mind,
That suited this particular situation better than
Sitting in grief stricken silence
While the steady beat of the ECG by your bedside replaced the noise of conversations lost.

Showing that I was sad
Wouldn’t changes these circumstances,
Wouldn’t raise your body from the stark sheets that matched your skin in tone and texture,
Wouldn’t prove to some all-knowing God that this was unfair,
Certainly wouldn’t make anyone feel better.

Even then,
I knew there were different words for the same thing.
I knew the feeling of lungs giving out after a solid-steel punch to the gut
Was synonymous with the realization there would be no more palm tree Christmases in Leesburg.
I knew the ache after falling off the front porch balcony coincided with
The spasms of remorse I felt knowing I’d missed the chance to apologize for every pocket sized mistake I’d made.
And I knew that not having the capability to convey these words with my 8 year old vocabulary,
Meant I was childish.¬
storm siren Jul 2016
So my phone's battery is flashing,
and we're watching a movie I've seen a thousand times.
Anxiety's eating away at me
Because I want to make a good impression
and the thought of being in the town of
Leesburg scares me a lot.

But with you by my side,
And maybe a pen and paper
I think I'll make it just fine.

But the desire to hide under a blanket
And wish the world away
or at least that part of town,
is tempting.
Anxietyyyyyyyyy

— The End —