So what do you think of me?
You think I don't try?
well I try
oh my god do I try
do I cry
always lie,
you think I'm reclusive
                         elusive
                         aloof
                 and kloof
You think I like it that way,
solitude every day,
think I don't care to talk
or catchup to you and walk
you think there's a reason
I don't and haven't socialized,
well It's because I'm being terrorized.
You can't see it
not from where you sit
step in my shoes
feel what it's like to lose
see the earth on fire
trapped on a spire
a hero holding arms out
too petrified to jump or shout,
you know where safety lies
but black rain falls from black skies
and you're not sure if those arms are for you
or another in need of rescue too.
So hear what it's like
with nowhere to hike
overcome by a thousand eternal flame
that make you think you're to blame
that you feel this way because you set the fire
it got out of control only growing higher,
you feel ostracised and unwanted,
hated ugly and shameful and jaunted.
You live in fear
it's all your fault,
growth maturity and experiences put on halt,
post traumatic stress
a scared, shameful child and nothing less.

So what do you think of me?
think I don't try
I don't care
nothing behind my blank stare,
well there's everything behind these eyes;
apocalypse covered in flies
bruises and scars
heart to the stars
a longing shiver
pristine liver
paranoia and neglect
depression can't forget
a pig reflect
insignificant insect
-So what do you think of me,
look and tell me what you see,
and for you I can guarantee,
nothing is as it should be.

I get motion sickness
in retrospect
of some people's thoughts

Meisjes krijgen poppen, fantasie.
Mama, zie *** adequaat ik die
gesprekken uit de winkel napraat!
Ze zijn de hekkensluiters van deze tijd.
Ik ben trots op jou, mijn lieve meid.

Jongens krijgen auto's en gitaren.
Ze moeten vaak hard werken, zonder maren,
zonder te mogen kiezen
waarin ze zichzelf willen verliezen.
Doe maar door want door te mekkeren,
kom je er niet ****.

Zo heeft iedereen zijn of haar probleem. Je mag die nuanceren
met een korrel zout en unisexe kleren.
Ze zijn zo specifiek, niet in pashokjes te zetten.
't Is door ze te benoemen, erop te letten,
dat je het meest kan leren en misschien
door de stereotypes heen kan zien.

Ik zie ze vallen, de vogels zijn bevroren.
*** kan een vorst zo snel bevriezen?

Vliegen naar de vrijheid richting verder.
Maar het noorden is koud en het zuiden verwoest.

Oost of west, thuis, draag ik een vest.
De kachel verliet mij. Waarom verliet hij mij?

Een heuvel probeert zijn piek te bevochtigen,
Maar niemand staat daar, dus hij blijft droog.

Alles rolt naar beneden, een diep en duister gat.
Wanneer krijg ik een reden? Mijn kin is nat.

Ik vraag mij af wanneer dooi zal wederkeren.
Ik vraag mij af wie er moet leren.

Zijn zij dood en leef ik voort?
Of is dit zoals het hoort?

Kleurenblind, dat ben ik, maar jij bent doof.
Jouw oren werken, graver des kloof.

Wil jij niet luisteren? Ben jij bang?
Laat mij jou koesteren met mijn gezang.

Jouw wonden, lik ze niet zo hard.
Voel je pijn, spreidt het vlees apart.

Ik ben daar, ik **** je kreet.
Jouw vervloeking, toch, ik grijp je beet.

Ooit op een dag, in verre tijd.
Mijn hart beantwoord; jouw spijt.

Open je ogen en druppel met mij mee
Vergiffenis en liefde, ons bootje op zee.

Mental health of yours truly
heavily reliant upon one selective serotonin
reuptake inhibitor named fluoxetine (Prozac)
aside from countless
(approximately seven) other
prescription medications kept
stashed in a plastic tray
until one or more taken at least once
or at most three times daily.

The wife flush with grand ideas
to gleefully, playfully,
and zestfully pester me
dreamt up a new fangled game,
whereat she moves
fast as greased lightning
thunderously laughing
her dexterous hands
airing maneuvering feints,
either replacing and/or removing
drug containers;
(some with caps prone
to pop off with relative ease
versus others with child protective covers
even though our progeny -
deux darling daughters -
long since emotionally, financially
and spiritually fending for themselves).

Though childlike said antics
exhibited courtesy the wife
analogous magician eliciting "****"
prestidigitation her wrist flicks
her reputation to wield
sinister magical powers rife
as a graduate of Hogwarts School
of Witchcraft and Wizardry,
she ranked as an outsize force
with legacy legerdemain legion
instantaneously kickstarting
irreversible incantation
finding me transformed
into a nasty, short and brutish oaf
with little spindleshanks -
think toothpicks for legs -
reigned on from tempest in a teapot
while seeking cover under
lee side tulip tree leaf
comfortably numb nestled within kloof.

All around me
symphonic quiescent overture – heard
maestro Kant imitate
tryouts starring musical prodigies
and/or an attendant conductor
attempt to approach ambient chorus
divinely exhibited from Gaia's handiwork
heavenly invoking kapellmeister
magnificent nonchalant outlook
piquantly, quintessentially,
repertoire sensately striking
unmatched vast wisdom
yielding zephyr air albeit creativity
engineered from groundswell harmony
juxtaposed, kindled, linkedin,
manifesting noteworthy
opulent philharmonic recording
transcribing universal
veritable webbed wide world.

Wunderkinds yield Ziggurat
acme approximated asymptote
bequeathing celestial
Doppelganger Earthly emulations
formulating fractal glinting highlighting
ineffable joie de vivre jostling, keen kindling,
la la land legerdemain lifting logic
lording Ludwig (Josef Johann) Wittgenstein.


Yelping zoological apostle
Al affidavit Gore handily
heaping hubristically invocation
jolting kickstart measures
nipping nixed noblesse oblige opera
quickening quotidian
rapid ruination sans supreme
teetering upended venerated wise with acumen
arithmetical Benoit Mandelbrot
chasing far-fetched ideas
lightyears menacing nihilism
purging ogres opportunistically  
resplendently ripping
revered tankard tipping unstoppably
vanquishing varietal whipsawing
wonderful wrapt yawning  youngsters
warfare written wrought  
yanking zestfully crushing environmental family
granting Herculean instant karma
malevolent, opprobrious pronouncement
quiet riot silencing severely
tragic ubiquitous vicious wreckage
yik yaks apemen cleft Earth.

Future foragers denounce
capitalistic bamboozlers aggression
zealots wrought trashing
quintessential naked kingdoms issue
flotsam coagulates zonal wastelands
torquing quality NON
killing habitats Earth bleached
yellowed voodoo ruins.