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Mateuš Conrad Jul 2016
it's the 50th anniversary edition of william burrough's naked lunch, with the original cover, looking at all the annexes is like watching modern history with Russian annexing Crimea, anyway...

indeed the nature of addiction, i chose mine to
cure my insomnia - i *chose
mine -
the less nasty less mythical name for it is indeed
metabolism - any hard-craft alcoholic walks into
a bar - drunk ******* and egoistically gluttonous
idiots come out like giraffes - vomiting into
the gutters, more Marilyn Monroe moments
showing off knickers even without the metro gust -
you drink enough and watch people drinking
for the psychoactive ingredient for dis-inhibiting
effects (buttered up talk, smooth there, quasi
Don Juan wannabes) - as Burroughs said: PLAN
YOUR ADDICTION - become addicted if some other
weakness is beating you - amtitriptyline doesn't
work without alcohol to what's desired as the lullaby
effect prior to K.O. - don't measure up to a veteran,
he'll beat you with experience, given it works -
i can imagine why hallucinogenics aren't metabolically
affecting - too much implants concerning the
world beyond, and god, and the secret of the universe -
you can't get addicted to these things - because there's
the bad trip, and you're off the hook - no more spiritual
trips looking for answers - repetition of the everyday
kills it off like flicking off a light switch - but, years
after the Beat movement, the Beats really did underestimate
the addiction of marijuana - they thought it was
the ****** drunk... oddly enough marijuana is linked to
alcohol and ****** addiction, it too is metabolic -
i'm not a medical expert... but i have heard of stoners
and their munchies - anything relating to food,
to metabolism is included, marijuana is the middle-guy
between the standards and Disney -
you heard of being monged, right? marijuana is as addictive
as alcohol - originally a giggly drug, a conversation
starter - marijuana - ends up being
an Jason Segel and Ed Helms film Jeff, who lives at Home,
it's this uncontrollable effect that proper intentions of
marijuana have: supreme thoughtlessness - or
the present vogue concerning "mindfulness" -
Jeff basically overthought himself on the high - he didn't
detach himself from thinking, now he's paying the price -
he's making completely random associations -
and why do stoners always waste their time in front
of t.v. or television - marijuana is a purely auditory drug -
******* to the park, pretend to be a fake Buddha imitation
and create the void in yourself to make your mind
the M25 at 3 a.m. - but this innocence with the Beat
movement associating itself with marijuana is partly
why it was legalised - the government wants rejects and,
to be frank? retards - that's why they legalised it -
they knew with the munchies jokes that marijuana had
the same metabolic addiction components as alcohol and
***** - you're metabolic dude! once addiction sets in
you're no longer in control of brain-freeze - you didn't
think it up on the psychoactive Everest - when the nice
sensation was still there, marijuana realised you zombie much
later - all the in-jokes of stoner culture suddenly passed you,
simulation dementia ensued - i'm way past the psychoactive
asset of alcohol, no slurred speech, no nothing -
but i retain the psychoactive point of metabolising excess
alcohol: if i didn't, i would sleep! i wouldn't sleep!
don't get me wrong, i get the point that i can't really
experience the negatives of reaching the psychoactive purpose
of alcohol and ***** in a street or join the football hooligans -
and surgeons drink to calm the nerves and calm the hand -
but alcohol is more cool headed and less phantasmagorical
than ***** addiction, for one thing your palette improves -
you find the most boring tasks liberating -
but the nights are the real nights, esp. if slumped on the sofa
watching t.v., unless you don't have a backlog of un-watched
Versailles or Billions episodes, you really need to go for
a 4 mile walk and breath the air - then half-sleep for
about an 2 hours (because you have limited money and
sometimes you pass a day without Auburn Whitney) -
you become rigorous - the prime solipsism - no time for
girlfriends, doesn't matter, my genitals weren't mutilated
as a child, no one forced a ****-*******-marriage-ring
on my finger - i can actually enjoy addiction - i end up
eating one meal a day - of course my face looks candyfloss
puffed up - but my soul is partly helium pubescent -
alcohol addiction is not ***** addiction even both
are primes of metabolism takeovers - no hung-overs too,
no blackouts - no fake "i can't remember" stories
when something ****** up happened - and certainly no
innocent look at the fact that marijuana is also a metabolic
addiction - unless of course you limit psychic ingestion
(excluding music, music is great to arrive at thoughtlessness),
but as most stoners (the next alcoholics) prove,
garbage the mind with American Dad and then get hungry -
binge eat - the stomach can drag the brain right down
into the acid pit and fry it - zombies galore - you won't be
able to catch yourself stopping thinking, the stomach
will do that for you, and you'll enter the zombie apocalypse:
just like my neighbour - there's a rat-like ritual involved,
for example, most people get sleepy from marijuana -
so it's not an addiction standing at a bus stop
pretending to be waiting for a bus and smoking?
that's addiction - the metabolic Gargantua has already caught-up,
addiction is primarily a solitary affair - it just depends
what you do with it... i'd be ashamed with my alcoholism
if i didn't write poems - the counter-effect is that i feel
some sort of social-inclusion when the day finishes -
i feed the cats, write invoices for my father (40% of
18 - 35 year olds live with their parents, because all
the foreigners bought all the houses intended as: buy to let -
is my money going down my drain, or is this
a post-Freud Oedipus stigmata killing familial relations
altogether?), cook, clean the house once a week,
cut the cats' nail and brush them - and to counter
what i don't do? can you imagine listening to a symphony
with only violins playing? not so genius hearing that
sort of Hollywood story with only cameo characters speaking.
Onoma Nov 2013
Ganders...gargantua--ensconced in far-fetched space...
(attrition)...LOOK AT THAT LINE...LOOK AT IT...
ROUND THE CORNERS OF PERPETUITY...predilections.
A soul's inalienable fracas...on bend and knee...hop...and
whoop...miasmic gargoyles poppy-wreathed...
for all-too-lucid dreaming...chanting etceteras of bare riff raffs.
Golden breastplates...weeping willow wings...empurpled--
fending fang trumping lines of: yuck, cluck, claw and kook.
...Listless eyes...alphabetize...think a blind oracle's informed
absentia...holy and bovine.
Redolent airs...perspiration of spume's most distancing shore--
eyepieces for the specks and logs in the oculos of brothers
and sisters.
As dust to dust doth not settle...heart's yonder score...nay cease
of interstice...off-world amorousness.
Gather ye yarrow sticks...hurl them at days...roofless arcady...
live into the spectra of their worlds, come friend or foe...Fate's foundling.
Lines strung as prayer beads...curs-ed beads...forget-me-nots
enclosed in letters baiting Long Farewells, in the great literary
correspondence of authored and Author.
...Ye gorgeous gargoyles come perch and push.
Persona non grata...the wide world...unisex prodigal...All--returneth.
LOOK AT THAT LINE...LOOK AT IT...(attrition)...ROUND THE
CORNERS OF PERPETUITY.
NEBULAEIC FANFARE...come perch to push...lo...ANGELS!
His silence screams like a searching wind
a death-hungry spirit painted in
pallette-knived smears of
grey and fear and crimson
streaking across the night sky of his heart,
lightning-bolt ricochets striking, incinerating
the solitary oak tree of his soul,
scattering his acorns down the hill where they
are lost among the weeds,
shocked into infertility,
But he is a seascape pine,
weather-worn but razor-straight,
Gargantua in wood and steel
establishes his personal space
like a rabid porcupine,
And he is a tower,
hiding his soap bubble dream
while she brushes her hair
one hundred times
one thousand times
one million times
until the dream is
lifeless, breathless, armless
and tucked neatly in a refrigerated drawer,
As his silence screams like a searching wind.
- From Picture of Yourself
dan hinton Nov 2011
“Adam Kieslowski,  I want to punch your face in, with all due respect.”

“Dan! Don’t do it! Don’t go there!”
“I’m gonna, do it Megan.”
“Don’t! You’ll **** him!”
I was at the point of snapping
No man scared me
The blood was pumping
Through my fists.
Mike Tyson could have
Walked through the door,
******* Gargantua
I would have got froggy for
Megan.
Silly cow could never even love me
Back, but alas, tis the work
Of lust and ******* desire.
I am by no means a good fighter
But a ***** one,
A tactician,
Teeth an’ claws are no bounds for me
******* Oedipus him if you have to
I had a bellyful of beer-*****
And I was ticking over
Idling
Thinking, teasing
Working the jaw.
The door opened and I pounced
Throwing him to the floor
I could feel Megan pawing at
My back
But it was futile
When a man is pumped, even
The God’s can’t stop him.
I threw him back against
The floor
Gritting my teeth
His lip swelled like a melon
And tears filled his
Watery eyes
“Oh my...”
“What the **** did you say, buddy?”
“Dan please...”
“What the ******* messing Megan around for?”
He mumbled, blood oozed from
Every orifice and his mouth
“Answer me!”
With that, he did something
No man expects,
He burst into tears!
Floods of tears, not just a trickle
A ****** fountain.
We nearly had to call in Moses
To do his party trick with the
Red Sea.
I let him up, as Megan’s eyes
Burned my head.
With that he ran out of door
And drove off.
Puff.
Safe to say, I now had to get
Out the room
Without Megan killing me
Multiple ways.
I didn’t return for several days
Like one doesn’t return to
And aeroplane crash site.
I saw her one day, and she
Said nothing
She came up and
Kissed me on the cheek
And walked on.
I guess Adam never
Bothered her again.
I returned home
And continued to write
And drink beer.
I didn’t think
That situation was
Too bad for my
Soul.
Ugur Kupeli Jul 2019
Yes, said Rabelais,
and went on wiping his ***.
Onoma Feb 2015
Of lavender, golden meshes--discerning
Goddess gargantua.
Lamp of fig tree and Roman chorus...waves crest
in a moonlit white as to knit the sultry
gown of your being.
Never once did you recant the definitions of love
and beauty, they stay and fever...dally the same
breath to deliver.
Here and there, wedged in towering hearts
they sway and splay forked flames.
You are signaled blatantly, and in
secret as holds the tolerance of those
you madden.
Venus...crash landing, riveted Xs cringe
and ripple in anticipation--marked and
moving, your children pass the ardent
thorns of beauty...clump, swell and
spill ****** roses.
You'll always seem uncollected, unstable--
your constitution's chasmic rift
claims...those you've landed upon.
They mouth love and beauty, wound and
bisected, their livelong day thrashes
to unify that breath...just to
sigh as if to say they see you.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2020
i sporadically entertain my uncle's ex-girlfriend
at the house from time to time:
don't ask me why...
    she dated him when i was...
8 through to 11...
                       donkey's years ago...
days when the st. valentine's park in ilford,
essex... was like: alice in wonderland...
it had tennis courts, it had a mini golf course,
it had an open air swimming pool...
   it had exotic bird cages...
                                it had row boats
on the pond...
                 i mean: if my ex-girlfriend was
still visiting me...
                  i don't know: rather... i don't want
to know... my uncle is rather estranged and
that's that... i saw her a year ago:
i made her a curry...
                         i saw her today: in between
the odd house job: flinging concrete etc.
i made...
         she could practically be a stranger...
but that's... exactly the point...
here's to extracting water from a stone...
   i'll write this and it will not really tickle my
fancy...
    once, perhaps, not so long ago -
                    i'm just fudge-packing myself
into a lullaby of lolz... from the "narrative"
prescribed to me, you, "us" by the...
ahem... philanthropists...
                    hell: better with the misanthropes...
at least they are not scheming
philanthropists...
        indeed a "polyphony" of tastes...
which is a curry...
                    nowhere in europe except in england
this demand for the blues and the Raj...
the compliment:
   'this tastes like a restaurant dish...'
  and she wasn't kidding... she did bring a bottle
of wine and a bottle of gin...
i did used about 6 chicken *******...
i hoped that with the coconut rice
and the naan breads i'd have enough for
4 people today and for 3 people tomorrow...
    em... yeah...
                i watched her like i might have
been a woman and cooked for a coal miner
in a 20th century Silesia...
              the sri lankan curry with apple cider
vinegar and the coconut milk blah blah...
but... hell... apparently i can save myself
for a night (once in a while) from
self-deprecating humour and take a word
of a stranger as: rigid dogma...
      that i can cook better than i can write...
            i felt sorry for... having read enough
of Knausgaard and know: fish-fingers...
   scandinavian food?
   oh, you mean like two days ago when
i figured: rödbetsallad - sure... if you have
the right meat... but it doesn't **** to know that...
raw beets with carrots an onion
   chilly and some greens with a....
balsamic vinegar, orange juice, olive oil
and dijon mustard is a **** good dressing...
i mean: hide the japanese sushi..
give me raw herrings in a creamy / tangy sauce...
baltic "sushi": suit you, sir... oooh...
fastest eaten dish in town...
    tow the town across the atlantic -
settle the score on the coast of maine...
or nova scotia: scou-shia...
         nova orbis...
                 i cook good food... that's so much
more comforting that scribble these little details...
after all... i pride myself on the arsenal of spices
i own... whoever has their nukes can keep 'em!
i drop one black cardamom grenade and we're
in for a proper party!
the kolhapuri masala - which is poetry -
a "polyphony" of sorts:

10 dried red chillies
2 tbsp sesame seeds
1 tbsp coriander seeds
1 tbsp cumin seeds
2 tsp fennel seeds
1 tsp black peppercorns
1 tsp fenugreek seeds
6 cloves
1 tbsp black mustard seeds
50 g unsweetened desiccated coconut
½ tsp ground nutmeg
1 tsp red chilli powder

i surprised star anise is not invoked -
surprise me less: i am not - no black cardamom?
it must have been a different masala -
obviously a textbook use of ginger / garlic pulp
and turmeric... and onions...
and tomatoes...
and how is it that the "west indies" survived
so intact: was it purely on the argument from
sanskrit - perhaps...
who am i... little ****** from a place
where haggis might have originated...
but most certainly a type of broth that
uses... cow intestines: honeycomb tripe...
well... that's just ******* spectacular!
we're also the people that will eat
a chicken heart goulash / chicken stomachs...
nothing is wasted but...
hell... to have the oil fields of arabia
or the spice garden of india?
              tough question!

what was or is leftover?
   the parsley revolution?
        the basil    "
                            coriander?
     what was haggis... is still haggis...
and neeps and tatties?!
        allspice - nutmeg and paprika...
bland (apple imports from "kazakhstan")
europe of old...
blushing spanish oranges...
        whale fat from the north...
chimichurri: give me curry for an oak
of beef: a stump of it... argentinian -
give me spices for a steam engine...
                   trade offs...
                 and that buddha soft-patch of
inquisitive philosophy spin-offs in
the western canon: feng shui pseudo-zen
or tao...
     unlike selling protestantism
when none arrived with the spanish toward
the west or the port-of-geese in hai!nippon!

followed up by listening to some iron maiden:
after all: they did release brave new world
at a time when their x-factor etc. days were
over so they could delve into hiring a new
army of listeners: they weren't going to
sit on their laurels like led zeppelin et al.,

- only prior i watched two woodland pigeons
battle on a pergola i erected and weaved
a wisteria into it... the female was perched looking
on... i never imagined woodland pigeons
to hold such ferocity in their slender guise -
they would jump on top of each other
in an imitation of mating and with their
feet as fangs rip into the manes of each other...
throats throbbing with a short-of-breath pulse...

i broke the battle by having to pass
under the pergola with bags of sand and cement...
as man and with dealings in imitating
nature:
    well... a history as an etymological affair of sorts:
hardly...
   pigeon: gołąb (******),
              holub (czech),
                         golub (croat),
               golob (slovenian),
                     porumbel (romanian),
        balandis (lithuanian),
               galamb (hungarian)...

   looks like... the closest etymological
cousins of a ******'s pigeon is:
the croat and the *** pigeon...
               but... uncle auntie here...
pidge-on: pij-off:
      the german           taube...
the french pigeonne...
               picciona (italian)...
                                paloma (spanish)...
   "hence" the romanian porumbel...
but not the alt-saxon taube...
     or the norwegian    due...
or the swedish: duva...
           estonian tuvi finnish kyyhkynen...

do i dare see what...
not to bother dear mater mortuus...
greek!  περιστέρι (well... sure looks like...
a future of pigeon... em...)
turkish!                   güvercin...

almost like the story of Islam is a story
that ended with Muhammad
and began with Ishmael ibin
     Hagar the housemaid for Abraham's
wife Sarah...
     almost that: "same ****, different cover"
scenario...
but with words...
   and words alone:  after all...
is there any relevant history outside of
etymology - given that... napoleon invade
russia ****** invaded russia:
i.e. that shamelessness of repetition?

it's so apparent: to be hung-up on the trifles
of "love":
more like... the barrage of youth and hormonal
cocktails of agonies that must end in defeat
and monasticism at best...
"defeat" is rather an open word...
becoming tamed with: retreat and introspection...
she asked me to get her shawl
as the sun was setting and
while bringing it to her i had a sniff of it...
no perfumes... just the scent of skin
and a woman in her 50s...
   the smell of: an old maid... not a ******...
an old maid...
but how refreshing: tame make-up...
nothing too protagonist or shock-circus!

second slurps from an uncle's engagement
of ***** in pigtails?
well... it's just nice to hear a stranger
compliment your food...
esp. since this wasn't some formal setting
for a restaurant...
if i could earn on the basis of peanuts
and compliments and...
               how michelangelo was...
           no not constipated...
no not conscripted...
        not contained...
                        pope julius II...
michelangelo was... COMMISSIONED...
   well... what a noble begotten proof of...
the truth of labour...
            so much for the derelict promise:
the ugly work - although still towing
a grand scheme of aesthetic with it:
akin to plumbing or electrical scrutiny -
or waterproofing -
   but as i have learned:
   the work less scene does gravitate toward
repaying a man with a sense
of ingratitude -
for the work itself -
   after all: there's no work of art to slobber over...
to guise oneself in a fetish for
sending postcards...
the work itself harbours an ingratitude
to the person who performs it...
that "minor detail" of something working
without fail...
hardly a bureaucratic competition:
grizi-piórek (a slang term for a bureaucrat)
literally: feather-nibbler...

    the bewildered youth of man and that
which comes of him in the later posit of life
as aging - for not enough has been
cited concerning old maids -
the crippling opportunism of girls
that turns us into comic atlasas with
only poses to a name -

     i have to hide my admiration for old men:
esp. those that write their little
jokes: praying on existential shot-hand
and their unshakeable rationale -

a brief interlude into a concept of a new
life: my uncle's ex-girlfriend:
i've been to the brothel:
the "joys" of flesh *** flesh are such
unwelcome avenues that i know
how desperately i ******* to smother
the solipsist in me but at the same time
nullify the ****** out of
respect for a caricature of conversation:

that the stars were mentioned and that
venus or mars was among them...
by the geographic posit of edinburgh:
and the firth of forth i held with a certainty
a more than concept of n.e.w.s.:
north east west and south...
but north east london: that gargantua is no
edinburgh...

only today i posited myself on mashisters' hill
and the mouth of the thames...
and where the dartford bridge is
and where canary wharf is...
it doesn't help much to travel into
central london and stand before Thames...
to finally flip out a compass...
this odd river that has no flow
but a tide...
a river with no mountains...
no Vistula no Danube...
this cruel passable detail:
  a river without mountains with
a tide but now flow...

decipher for me this grey murk of eels
wriggling hollow...
she asked me: is it difficult to go back
"home"...
burden by the tired toiling among
so many monolinguals:
can i tell apart the accents on these isles?
that i can tell a scot from an eire-fiction
that the welsh still: hope for god grant
them their same old future tongue...

veneti...
                  veneti...
                                         veneti:
it is that it has become more and more
difficult to leave "home" than arrive
at it... but from populist english so
thoroughly breeding into a stiffening sire
and clamour of pict sacrilege -
grand echoes of unused words...

old maid who graces the same existential
pangs as me: aimless hollow head spermatoid...
after all the hormonal whirlwinds pass
and there comes a second nakedness...
before trust and a spontaneous jumping
to conclusions that never arrive at anything
more than the generic cul de sac...

to have to disbelieve mothers...
             it is necessary to have to disbelieve mothers...
for no greater grandiosity incumbent...
a brief interlude and how i can:
simply peacock-strut... exfoliate like
i might... have forever succumbed to
the latin variation of bulimia and that old
variant of ****...
willingly running ****-naked into
a riddling throb of nettles...
with disembodiment and an aspect
of freely arrived at nerve extensions
clinging to an ancient eucharist of
tentacles that the tongue would only counter
having to bite and nibble and suckle
on a mint leaf: with the body's proposal
of immersion in nettles...

to make rous of numbing ****** details:
no ****** from taking  a ****...
no litany of broken words:
clinging to consonant prone onomatopoeias...
crude ascertaining archaic:
purity of vowels: mongrel heart and soul
whilst towing... a mongol or two...
pictures of fortress crimea... the grand sicz...

only because she was not a woman
in her prime: a new orientation that doesn't begin
with me in middle age having amounted
enough poison apples and **** frenzies
and all those lies spoken during ***...
at best: even in the brothel...
for the love of god i dared not speak...
so much for anything
when *** has to invoke words...
not the silence not the pulsating vowel
throttle...

                    i linger for the last linear concept
of unnerving details...
that last came with these words
and will last revel in them alone...
for the greater audience i...
i have no scheme to usurp the pop from
the better hidden...
that some things have to:

let "them" have their feast!
once i am wed to the mother over mothers:
when death finally tallies my shadow
as her ******-on from fear loitering
of shrapnel!
let the people have their feast!
once i am wed to the mother of all mothers:
- but given the inbetween leave
me to my cenobite affairs of a bedroom
i keep for a nursery of moths...
to ward off the spiders with my drunken
breath...
give me clarity in the depths of
a bottle's end met...
            
  - so this is what it feels like to arm-wrestle
with a hand strapped to the bone crushing
revelation of hanging on a crucifix -
so this is what nodding with approval
feels like when competing to the end scenario
when lying erratic and scared
on the tablature of the falling guillotine...

it must do! i feel a need to concern myself
with feeling than with thinking:
i despise this celebration of numbing
objectivity: as someone once said:
subjectivity is the only truth...
after all: i am subjected to...
i am firstly subjected to...
only later i object: i objectify:
i give me spatial pardons and awareness...

as a subject under the protection
of a queen i am: first come first served...
not last... in this secular objectification
policy of "what if" futures...
i answer to the queen:
i am subject of the queen:
i am subjected by the queen...
such a ****** party to attend with no
god and this object cranium per crown...
that it has to become so impersonal
that the h'american free verse poets:
that elizabeth II has so much more
than mere grandma edifice...

i am subjected to something prior:
only later can i object to it...
some variation of a "double negation":
a talk over more gin and tonic...
or bourbon...
how could subjectivity become
so defamed... like it was forever a lesser
variation of the res extensa /
thought attache...
that subjectivity is lesser has to come
from people who only regurgitate
a once fabled scientific positivism of
a new and glorious age of Eiffel...

objectively "speaking"...
the regurgitated "facts": it's not like
science is even the incessant harangue!
from voice and a well:
an echo and a re-:
                             by now: there are "concerns"
as to why the echo fades and is
not gravitating toward perpetual
momentum...

               by now to revel in tired bones,
sinew... in the perfumes of burning fat:
vegan protests... vegan wishy-washy...
that somehow in a future 2 years from now...
the cows will have the eyes
akin to petted critters like that of:
fortune of future:
demands of cats and dogs...
i stated today: big cats' eye do not
hollow out... there is no serpent-esque
"myopia" of the eyes...
cats are spies for the serpent kingdom...
disguised as fur-*****...
but intact the blistering choke
of the slither... eyes that ****...
eyes that could feed the most blue-bodied
extract from the speark-head
of mammalian hierarchy...

   what little dough for slaughter eyes me
in the fashioned cow..
i leave all honesty for the dogs:
among the tying with bones...
but never these bonsai tigers...
heavy shields of hipolites...

                             - is there a need to drink
and write... while marrying yourself
to the barrage of unnecessary bricks
that align themselves to the cuddle-cradles
of kcal-atoms?
     i thought that drinking was
synonymous with exfoliation...
hell begot peacock-strutting...
              old maid didn't have me leeching
for ****-practice tendencies to posit
proofs...
             at some point i am going
to have to leave people without a comfort
of a diatribe...
i'll extend my over-arching scrutiny and
tell you:
on this basic base prize...
i leave no selling of satellite...

come 2am and i'm still awake and drinking:
it doesn't matter...
what matters is...
being invested in a repetition
and the glorified emblem for all that's
the worth of tomorrow:
the conjunction barricade of english:
my queen's last ordeal...
well **** me... it has to be my queen's
last ordeal before i **** up to the h'arab
sheikhs...
n'est ce-pas?

oh... wait... like the french didn't look
glum and whatnot...
like the past wasn't a pass at rebirth...
like venice didn't pirate away details of
constantinople...
i am tired of guilt...
you... italian fuccofinickyfuckers
bless venice... now! now! have complaints
concerning the hagia sophia...
because who isn't to abandon the greeks:
because of greek pride...
which is all that little: pride...
designated to books:
greek schoolchildren... will not read...
some ancient anthem of
northern barbarians: perhaps the bulgars...
most certainly not the... island-bound
mongrel...

            the english will not be reminded:
yes... that much is true:
but they can be executed for a lineage
of inconsistency...
that poland can somehow be associated
with polar bears...
hell... "we" are associated with
bisons... and storks...
          no need to educate the new
or keeping an ordeal of the old...
let's call my mediocre
the no-mans'-land rupture...
it's not exactly dervish planned territory:
citing india as borrowing extension
with afghanistan, pakistan,
bangladesh, sri lanka...
            who am i buddha tow: juggle...
jumble wisconsin proto: or a collective:
pan-european...
mingling justices... arms told to be torn
off...
   romance from 18th century europe:
kissing the feet of Kiev...
while in the western: what if...
the sea affords us... no need teasing
a wait for a tide...
      this little scare and...
      my little future of cain that...
arrived at a blinding prospect of
nationhood that has to retain a presence
akin to Siberia...

belly-tow flipside an agony of
this fissure of gill and borrowed depths of
searching for the dolphin aided dive...
i have no befriending lefts...
had i the rights i'd make them
pronounced: enough to champion
diacritical scrutinies...
but no but now...

- how is that:
   -rhetoric          has reached a fever;
and a pitch to make
a ***** into a jerusalem
as a prefix towing exemplar...
before a noun
and a yankie akin to
pre-
          variation of pro-
               not withering into the anti-
cyst and some future be told...
                      chimes from haven:
and the pennies from ginger-root borrow
of lobotomy...
        
   gutting a pig: glorifying a monkey...
chanting: freed red sox...
                a somewhat: hives
of Boston... while we all have to retort
to a question...
not because we woz all hebrewz...
but coz whizz or: or else...
worst hinterland:
an estonia: that there's
more of new york than there's
of this.... hinterland...
of... convincing: this is not "asiatic"...
this is still DOS europa...
bulging to bug the bothersome
chastised bullock off a bull
and the silent churn tow charge...

some variation of a pre-
and a self- prefix:
          to compound this custard
nostalgia sweet-tooth jesus h'americana...
same old variation of how
estonia is about the sizing up
of new york: and...
              
                     my own sowing tow-tie
this little increment this little
wave this loiter masquerade...
   such privy to make a choice!
from the slaves toward a slam-dunk..
otherwise making rummanations
to towing a sanctity of old pauper
Warsaw...
                 my little little first and last idle
concern that's a Cairo agitated.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2020
to write: in order to be unable to recognise
oneself in the writing -
        impossible to stress a variation of amnesia:
it's a... it's a...

             the current philanthrope: archaic for:
philanthropist -
                   because no there's no new-outfit
for a misanthrope...
                             vaccinations blue-checkers...
a game of chess:
   with narratives...
               alliance of white: as doubt...
                     and alliance of black: as denial...
but this is not a game...
  no one plays a game to feed such
a gluttonous slouch of staging:
                       demoralization projects...

brain-sponges and some variation
of music as a wheezing...
                    or a helium gargantua:
laughter in a vacuum...

it's sometimes to think about the eyes:
unless there's a concern
for either mountain of a canyon -
it's impossible to think without the sea...
i somehow wish that i could
fathom the eyes as a simple
prelude to having two stones
in a trouser pocket...
and fiddling with them...

i want to make my tongue enshrined
in the confines of an oyster:
some forgotten gem...
   i dream about homelessness
and all of life's tragedy
                of: beside a prison...
the freedom to roam...
        but i somehow stumble...
if only the determination
              of a classical lore akin to
Sisyphus...
              
                    it's always impossible
to borrow something from
the Greeks...
           then again:
who were the Greeks at the fall
of Contantinople...
             breaking bones to fiddle
with the buckle of Islam...
            it's almost tickling the suspense
lying in wait...

a marlboro cigarette is unlike
a camel cigarette...
              i say they add something
to the puff...
        happy to have been freed from
the nicotine hangover...
but it somehow aids these scribbles...
it's not much...
    it's not madame bovary or
anna karenina...

                                time is playing catch-up
and i... hope for a seclusion
of assets...
     i mostly lie before
a sleep pattern completely petrified...
not that i rarely conjure
ushers of dream...
                   but that...
            it's always the same impossibity
of being a son of a father...
or some other monstrosity
of time: noted... when abiding
with a grandfather...

if i could question the ownership
of my ears...
if i could replace my eyes
with either two stones in my pocket
fiddled with like a pair of dice...
or shelter in the "myopia"
of: one eye for the canyon...
the other for the mountain...

  how is it that i am so at loss...
where is a pick-me-up of ambition...
i am without ambition...
in that: should i enjoy ambition
and make myself a prospect
of a career in politics...
in that old sequence of...
people coming together!

      i as a we! are not! corrupt!
it's so impossible to attempt to live
a life of an honest man...
then again... before such a question
is posed: one must...
turn the fudge... bother the barley...
grind the bits to a flour...
if i were given a compass
and asked to be placed
on the spectrum of:
counter the philosopher's stone:
money... what would i do...
if a servitude of implosive meaning
were ascribed to a sudden
revision... if name and title should
be engraved on... peanuts...
and we were all... "suddenly" elephants
behind the "riddle"...

   it's not merely impossible:
it's just plain stupid...
  if i had one ear as a cave...
and the other as a savannah...
for sure: one to feed the concern for echo...
otherwise the derelict disguise
of a splendour of lingo...

        this... is an abadoned house...
feel free to roam in it beside...
i will have left it once i have complete
the doodle...
    it's not much because:
it's not rhyme-friendly...
                 but thanks to the h'american
school... it's doesn't matter
whether poetry is an art of
the scalpel or demands for pedagogy's
regurgitation...
whether h'america is sleeping
or whether russia is reading...

           there's that currency of the narrative:
an expediEncy...
     i'd write an A into that "affair" if i was
to be all too honest...
              it's not like english
allocates orthographic pressures
of shame... should a transgression
be posed...
                   the old mechanical baron arm
of carrot forward! stick! is precise in...
what's to be allocated!

it's impossible to drink these days:
since the moral hangover...
it's impossible to smoke a cigarette...
since the same impossible hangover...
it's not even a question
of who's contesting a replica of 100 years
sober samuel...
     it's impossible to make eternal
demands of life with a posthumous p.s.:

for lack of a better word...
of the concern for what's to be ate...
the eyes pleasure...
the ears are... ears...
cartilege: an impromptu revision...
but the tongue oh so ******* critical...
it's almost necessary to learn
a second language in order to justify
being a foor critic...

food critic? this is what happens when...
the *** drive of humans is over-stated...
bogus work... and the unemployed masturbators...
the same spectrum...
a bogus job title at one end...
an unemployed masturbator at the other...

        the grass grows plenty for the rabbits...
if the desire for banana dries up...
for the baboons...
  and there's no will to straighten those
parades... then there's... "platanitos"... etc.
                   but there's a need for a plethora:
counter the forests with paper...
        should i desire more priests?!
       it's a fear... that i will absolve myself
from retaining the last remains
of authenticity -
        for the filled goblet made by
a spew of lies...
        it's such an impossible...
  "nuance"...      "bereaving"...
                 ­                      hyphen antics...
          a *******!           compromise!
   like Noah... building his project was...
all about... the made collective individuals...
i attempt working for a lie...
i die at the attempt of working...
unless of course...
             the mind of man is so...
intricate and spectacular to be without
fault...
as to the genuine promise from afar in time...

it's a terrible affair to have
homelessness as a fear... first, highest...
to then watch videos of people
going through the tides
and somehow stomaching the lacklustre
adventure...

- so to write something that
can't be paraded - that it has to gravitate
towarding a biding personal -
to heave the half-breath
of tendering sycophancy & scrutiny...
for there to be a...
whisper of rome...
come the advent of the caesars...

what an old ******* of hope...
             it's not near impossible...
when confined to...
   the cul de sac of gauging out of eyes
and rat inclined impromptus...

the current philan-thropist
         is so bothersome like a c.c.t.v.
installation that the misanthrope is a complete
bonkers jazz *** las vegas inversion
perfect!
         via / in between the solipsist:
self-conscious autist
    and the whoever takes your fancy...
   i'm making myself suspect
of what's being readied as: "digestable"...
it's not impossible...
it's just... cow-towing i.e. depressing...
     who would have thought
that a simple trick could...
fool... magnus primo maribus -
         the first great adventurer...
the shackled chimpanzee to a 'shroom...
or the 'shroom: a fungus riddle
of the primate seeing UV and ultra-red...
the first prized cinema of purple
with fluorescence: liquid light...
                                         lux liquidum...
the demands for phosphrescnce revisionism?

thus to be schooled: "schooled" without
a slightnest idea of how to deal with
a psychopasth - that one ordeal of being robbed
with the intention of the purely materialised
mechanisation of life:
the depth of the slit into soulness...

a hybrid of nothing and ego...
to borrow a figment of the imagination:
the gravity toward an engineeer
of a longboat that's
about as useful as a piece of paper...
perhaps the assurance of a kite...
which implies the wind...
"sloth" beside an attempt at water...
if the sea were a river...
and the tide were the narrative...
but the lacklustre of heaving "nuance"...

  we weren't schooled to be carpenters...
as we weren't...
to enjoy the ******* and a narrative
of "leisure"...
       before the gnat crescendo...
like some altar for the breaking of the bones
of a horse heaving
a sought at sigh...

                 could i ask the priest crow
for more? when addressing him to quest a q.
of a magpie or a birch tree?
could i heave a stomach so riddled
woth indigestion...
                to forever quest for
a mountain's zenith...
having to begin with a pyramid's nadir...
this sand... this time...
this impossible demand for...

a lasting: a debilitating concept of hope...
that's beyond crying...
a concept: but at best...
a concern for a dog...
then again... a dog: a leash, a muzzle...
the perfect cat the "homeowner"...
the gap-year striptease crescendo!

i want to fear this avenue of
life's worded tolls...
because...
there's a respect for them...
unlike... like there's a celebration
of Diogenes... if all the homeless
were to serve a fate
of this sour-**** of a gritting over...
               what am i: as question:
possibly having to write?
if all the homeless people
were a Diogenes of Sinope...
                
  i was in Athens once...
armed with a glass of absyinthe...
some yogoslav toll-busters...
a freak-magnet of a striptease bar
with myself ******* my trousers...
finding to a bind
of a way-back...
              hey presto!
            it's not a fear...
it's an anticipation...
               a manhunter prodigy affair...
to have to have done
so little of the world attested
concept of bad: an east germany concensus...
to be in a prison
of homelessness: nuance...
the dream of the broke...
the baron of the breaking...

best equipped: with a car and a gun...
but "somehow"...
no new old: or old new h'america...
i still somehow want
to yoddle my load of unbelievable
switzerland that has to
grieve my load worth
of iowa!
         my burried the unforgotten
list of "good luck" few...

the vanity project: prior to not...
anticipating the homelessness...
it's such a judas low duo due...
                   i want as hope: and a death..
it's not but there's the braving
the tide of vanity:
the better-sit-my-*****-sit-lem'oh-bedding...
it's a continent's worth
of a lingo... it's not like...
england cruise... croatia riddle...
******* dim-wits!
           new b'est h'america!
toll the brittle old jonah cull hard-on-an-adams...

my heiving little...
               my loitering "lost" of
                     the last impossible....
that impossible looting custard
pie of heart...
                   the happiness
  of the neared impossible heart...
this bypassing this cat fickle...
my best kept nuanced smile &
faking it...

  the shoe the fiddle... the mozart
the beard the hybrid
bypass the last
vanity of a fed...
             it's my best breast
fretted the knuckle,
and a bone...
          and a lost carpenter's
*****...
        witch and no nordic
leisure of an itching...
                   because!
the ******* guise of basic!
the broken tree
with a basic of breaking of bones...
gravity of the "loitering"...
there's always the
loitering play of rambo...
     johnny-yo-yo..
            iowa: new croatia!

  lost towing the burning tire!
because! i own's us a bus!
grieving the legitimate
    and what's otherwise...
the crease...
and death is a sudden..
               my scuttle bumble:
breaking the bee.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2020
if a headache could be composed into
a toothpick...
           oh so much more:
          this toothpick - as a headache...
better still... a toothpick is a headache
but becomes a splinter...
                and a splinter becomes...
an irritating pain on the gums
lodged between the teeth...
                 a bothersome thread of beef...
somehow lodged under your tooth
putting pressure for what's
naturally some variation of "empty space"...
otherwise a headache
          is a toothpick is a splinter...
                 a splinder lodged just beneath
the skin... on the tip of your index finger...
and such a beautiful day...
some per se... but i'm far from a per se:
suitcase and postcard ready...
to "move on" to some "elsewhere"...
     a george oppen poem...
                 a kathleen fraser poem...
an alice oswald poem...
             an anne carson poem -
notably the poem book of isaiah, part i:
right now... in my garden...
a cricket is playing a transcedence
of violin -
          because when the cricket plays...
there's always a transcendence of violin...
right now... a violin is like the sound
of glass shattering...
        if i were to shave my beard
and wait a day for some stubble
and... rub-rub... no 'uckin' music!
       shard - shrapnel and sharpening sand!
     - so there's the ol' jeremy
   and i know that there's a frog in the garden...
although no gurgling burps
             of gargantua...
            it's that comparison of
an anne carson poem: isaiah and birdsongs...

it's the 14 watermelons being
eaten in a desert...
that leads you to the proof
of an oasis of soul...
                  some unbelievable wow
was supposed to ensue!
but no... this was never going to be...
a herbie hancock moment
when listening to him -
revised... in st. petersburg (russia, proper)
one of those... glad awful tidings
of youth, hormones...
         the opposite ***...
   and... a 2007 "hiatus" from the TODAY
fudge and custard pie of
propping-up! the big GHANDA...

         surds! stealth letters in english!
                       in the glee of.. pulling out...
a magic tentacle:                         ęgliš...

i'm (also) so far behind...
keeping up with european football season
as i am behind: i.e. never having
hexed myself to use up my time
on 4chan forums...

       a litany of googlewhacks:
4chan killjoy blunders - 5,670 results...
suptg iop - 841 results
    tamara chergoleishvili giga bokeria - 1,870 results

i'm currently reading two books...
charles dickens' the pickwick papers
and milan kundera's "essay"...

      capsid ******* clicket - 6,870 results
having to compound...
    limboseeker - 262 results...
       limboseeker south multiple - 9 results
limboseeker south multiple naproxenlobster - 8 results
modlishka korczyk - 4 results...
           no sooner...
modlishka korczyk per - 2 results...

                 the old thrill is gone... though...
modlishka korczyk peq - 1 result...
a googlewhack...

   but... "once upon a time"
there was no ******* worth of a disclaimer
"as if" you were making an error....

no... "verbatim" -
/ it looks like there aren't any great matches
for your search / tip try using words that might
appear on the page that you’re looking for. /
for example, 'cake recipes' instead
                 of 'how to make a cake'.
/ need help? /t ake a look at other tips
                                 for searching on google./


such that the soul fizzles away
and there's only a wording vanue:
some variation of a rabbithole
and a cul de sac (rabbitcole cul de sac - 8 results)...
then onto syllables:

       lo red шake khan (9 results) -
"oops": шake чa (╩) another googlewhack...
шake чa (╩)...
                                 ghip╩╢ⰍⰍⰍ (3 results)...

ghip systems networking...
            and... the
global health interprofessional education ...
                                   ghipecp.org

how's this...
                                 faceⰪ - 1 result...
"try" my alt. searches
ǥuđán
אֵת                                      mr. panasonic....  

ⰑⰎ soyur - 1 result...
              best end of a fickle welcome
that's a blister that's a tomorrow.
IV.

Maintenant, largesse au prétoire !
Trinquez, soldats ! et depuis quand
A-t-on peur de rire et de boire ?
Fête aux casernes ! fête au camp !

L'orgie a rougi leur moustache,
Les rouleaux d'or gonflent leur sac ;
Pour capitaine ils ont Gamache,
Ils ont Cocagne pour bivouac.

La bombance après l'équipée.
On s'attable. Hier on tua.
Ô Napoléon, ton épée
Sert de broche à Gargantua.

Le meurtre est pour eux la victoire
Leur œil, par l'ivresse endormi,
Prend le déshonneur pour la gloire
Et les français pour l'ennemi.

France, ils t'égorgèrent la veille.
Ils tiennent, c'est leur lendemain,
Dans une main une bouteille
Et ta tête dans l'autre main.

Ils dansent en rond, noirs quadrilles,
Comme des gueux dans le ravin ;
Troplong leur amène des filles,
Et Sibour leur verse du vin.

Et leurs banquets sans fin ni trêves
D'orchestres sont environnés... -
Nous faisions pour vous d'autres rêves,
Ô nos soldats infortunés !

Nous rêvions pour vous l'âpre bise,
La neige au pied du noir sapin,
La brèche où la bombe se brise,
Les nuits sans feu, les jours sans pain.

Nous rêvions les marches forcées,
La faim, le froid, les coups hardis,
Les vieilles capotes usées,
Et la victoire un contre dix ;

Nous rêvions, ô soldats esclaves,
Pour vous et pour vos généraux,
La sainte misère des braves,
La grande tombe des héros !

Car l'Europe en ses fers soupire,
Car dans les cœurs un ferment bout,
Car voici l'heure où Dieu va dire :
Chaînes, tombez ! Peuples, debout !

L'histoire ouvre un nouveau registre
Le penseur, amer et serein,
Derrière l'horizon sinistre
Entend rouler des chars d'airain.

Un bruit profond trouble la terre ;
Dans les fourreaux s'émeut l'acier ;
Ce vent qui souffle sort, ô guerre,
Des naseaux de ton noir coursier !

Vers l'heureux but où Dieu nous mène,
Soldats ! rêveurs, nous vous poussions,
Tête de la colonne humaine,
Avant-garde des nations !

Nous rêvions, bandes aguerries,
Pour vous, fraternels conquérants,
La grande guerre des patries,
La chute immense des tyrans !

Nous réservions votre effort juste,
Vos fiers tambours, vos rangs épais,
Soldats, pour cette guerre auguste
D'où sortira l'auguste paix !

Dans nos songes visionnaires,
Nous vous voyions, ô nos guerriers,
Marcher joyeux dans les tonnerres,
Courir sanglants dans les lauriers,

Sous la fumée et la poussière
Disparaître en noirs tourbillons,
Puis tout à coup dans la lumière
Surgir, radieux bataillons,

Et passer, légion sacrée
Que les peuples venaient bénir,
Sous la haute porte azurée
De l'éblouissant avenir !

Jersey, du 7 au 13 janvier 1853.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2020
something terrible must happen...
     on the grandiosity of
the subjective alligned with
   taking the matter toward the altar
of the grave...
  
the desire for the lowest: basic...
to desire the highest tiers...
  a loitering with
             a mother that abhors
the grandmother...
         and a strict rule: quasi-
and thorough the thumb exploits
knitting a blessed ordeal
of owning cats....

                these father-lore ambitions:
without a father...
without a mother...
and i'm suddenly given...
these "basics"...
                  like it's an earned...

this middle ground and
that... unforgiving sponge....
    the always nearing a near miss
impossible
"no one has it better
than me"...
   middle... ruffian groundwork
and...
this inheritance "tax"
of the born into never achieved
basic bonkers and blinding
lights...

         i want to wake up from
this nightmare...
but every time i... try...
i wake into yet another
downward spiral crucifix...

          all from above: bob!
one of those lost ibhibitions...
the tickle-me-fancy...
water doth not freeze-up...
is me amazonian cringe...
the-death-nell tunnels...

      this the most pristine...
how-have-you...
wonder crisp
and orientation drugging...
for the sober: "sober"...
straight-up loss
of commas...
  blitz-my-****-esque-krieg...
my best fed phantom:
you ******* Kiev
nerd loop adding
the new coal-hole...

             tired of the tribe...
tired of the "lecture"...
              but never...
having scrutiny to forage
                  tow siding...
and the best kept...
               the leisure of non-cool...
   buttons in a smirk...
    the lob: the smirk...
   the nutmeg in footie...
   a gesture of riddling: the forever
pair... in that it's... the half-baked
      the *******
and the gammon: a scrutiny
of the excruciating...
doll: mrs. plentiful...
               and long-forgotten
the mr. pristine...
biased: loss of prefect and
perfect status...
in that there's so much
in banking on
the vogue of vague...
    a hierarchy
             of synonyms flimsy
and the befriending
of staging jurisprudence...
for angle...
for look-out loitering!
  zeal of this future ambition...

a woman scorned
and somehow the god
a nugget ego shrivelled
boyo a whack
at whittle wichy-wichy 'ard...

and... according to some
blatant german...
and faking insomnia
riddles: dogs like to bark
come 2am...

       the world: it happens...
            i go about it:
in and out as i somewhat please...
the crux, though:

    der welt: das passiert...
is what passes as that eternal:
"non-questionable"...

  perhaps: the mirrors sees...
           perhaps the lake is not froth
or a boiling conundrum
to some bother a tea-bag...

          ****: to sum up... bothering...
a tea-bag with boiling water...
gurgle gurgle: plot
that mother'ucking hendrix
matrix... bladder spill and... puß...

it's language: it's mandible...
it pretends a paragraph...
it starts thin at the top: FIN...
like END... in burgundian...

and grows an ordeal of knuckles...
cubed...
    when... a concept of knee...
mingles with...
        lips and... a ******* handicap
fwee plight is... "rooster"!

basically grows a concern
for a concept of... greasing...
and... cushion-pushing baby: tonne loads
on the replica scam!

basics at the bottom:
      bambi and the *****...
            now no new exasperated blonde
armed with a roulette
that's cradle the cat skidding
toward a grave...

      limbo libido...
                        ordeal of the shh'
and somehow split-teeth
               corn-skidding bonkers
of the last known of the "ordeal"...
explosion
     of Dallas the "old"
epicentre...

                      dying
to tow-tied in between the toes...
   and... shooting pigeons
when the penguins are "lost"
from a sense of "being" available...

trying to make-up the bitter
peace...
            the leisure the loiter...
the gargantua and a...
complexity of oysters that was
never to be made (into a) riddle.

much a welcome
return... toward heterogeneous
and crayons, crayons...
and that: a homelessness
of a societal proof:
to project... not...
an article defined noun...
     i.e. the blue... sea...
   the blue... sky...
         a blue... i want to think
of azure as an adjective...

   blah-bloc-up within;
the best kept secrets of the confined;
my new framing neuter...
  unterseeboot...
                       the ******* chickens...
shackles...
all those yellows
and pristine submarines!

   beside the street children of Kiev...
and it's
         this mongolian past-time...
loiter... lost... loiter... lost...
skim reading the basic bog and...
a loiter... throoughly bred
within the confines of ratcha!
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2018
i lied... well... to be more exact:
stalled a forthcoming reality...
  when i'm due to visit my grandparents...
my demented grandfather
who still recognizes me:
climbing trees and putting my toddler's
hand into the Alsatian's snout
as a toddler -
   oh Bela Bela Bela...
          a ******* dog...
and god she hated uniformed men,
esp. police officers...
   like the ******* plague...
i like my dementia suffering grandfather,
i love nit-picking at his
memory...
which is grand...
watching an old man sit through
a cameo of existence,
with his own cinema where he's
the central actor...
   it's false what they say:
when you die, you die with an instance,
a timelessness occupying a
space...
           for the whole
"my life flashed before my eyes":
you need to be diagnosed with
dementia...
            i guess: "oops" is in order?
they didn't tell you that,
did they?
      don't worry,
i too thought that good grades at school
could land me an equivalent
of an A+ at the curriculum
activity of obedience...
   didn't ******* work...
that's as much as i know...
         i guess listening to a dementia
sufferer can become tedious,
but you learn to spark up his presence
outside the membrane of
"nostalgia"...
    but it's an old man...
he's bound to become impassioned by a past...
   i know i would...
it's the most ontologically sound
mortality mechanism known to man...
"dementia": no...
not dementia...
  big difference between Alzheimer's
and dementia...
  big, Big, BIG ******* difference...
Alzheimer's is psychotic dementia...
   dementia / nostalgia is quiet
different...
it's an overload of memory...
it's a form of solipsism...
  an automated meditation,
well... "meditation"...
    the man needs an outlet for
his memories...
he can't lock them up in a dungeon...
the tedium comes from
the outlet of the original content
of "natural" selection...
  as "natural" as a woman
   within the confines of the concept
of hypergamy...
   which, evidently,
is the good twin of the evil twin
polygamy...
           the tedium comes around
when you realize precisely
the bewildering nature of
memoria-selectio...
   there's nothing natural about
"natural" selection...
           there are pre-emptive conditioning
within the confines of
ontology - which is still
a framework of study -
not a popularized spew of
biological dogma...
god... can you even imagine how
selective we are with our
experience, back-cataloged with
recounting memories?
  you wouldn't believe the ****...
it's twice as "random"
as a blonde seeking a rich Arab
for a husband so they can
"parent" their pet poodle...
if you're lucky... sure...
prior to death...
you life will flash before your eyes...
apparently we can't select
memories...
   and you'll be lying back,
all afternoon,
watching the cinema of your mind's
content...
demented... by clinical
practitioners...
     sometimes... as in the case
of my grandfather...
dementia likes to couple itself
to either:
   hypochondria...
   or melancholy...
         or sometimes both...
hence my fascination with the phenomenon
of premature melancholy
in the english speaking youth...
how can you actually be depressed
about something,
if the depression doesn't stem from
a post-scriptum?
        i can understand melancholy
in an old man...
but in someone young?
      i'm buying the alternative
argument:
   a guilt from feeling jealousy...
i'm not buying premature depression,
what i am buying is:
   a guilt festering within
the origins of jealousy...
but like with my grandfather:
you have to **** the memory bank,
catching him off-guard,
so he can tell a relative memory
within the same time-frame...
   which rarely happens...
yet as i pointed out...
   i've been covertly studying him...
dementia attracts
hypochondria and depression...
i'll sit and listen to the list
of ailments between
   his memory-cinema -
              or... i'll distract him by
reading a book,
while he sits on the balcony or snoozes
off into the afternoon...
   cook him breakfast:
scrambled eggs with onions -
while he reminds me:
i always eat dairy products,
never meat, for breakfast,
and it has been so for 30 odd years...
   as a former alcoholic
he slipped into
a drug-dependency of
prescription and non-prescription
drugs to combat insomnia...
naturally...
he over-sleeps most of the time...
but...
what do you expect?
   a career in the metalwork factory...
going to bed at 10pm,
waking up at 4am for over 30 years?
dementia is the basis for
an ontological study of:
qua pre qua fro...
                why do people freak out
about dementia "sufferers"?!
   not enough oil in the *******
engine to watch the spectacle of
mortality?!
            they're less disorientated
then middle-aged "concerned" children...
they can solve crosswords...
the problem being:
   you scare them... they'll scare you...
**** me! what a waste of decent reasoning!

.........................
...............................
intermission, akin to the Offspring's
Ixnay on the Hombre
................................
  ..............................­..............

i was once called a, philosopher by some
infatuated teen...
   **** me... that's not a compliment,
or blessing, but a curse!
   imagine going to a birthday party
of an 18 year old...
   you get flocked by seagulls,
of hyenas...
you smile and exhausted smile...
      can this, whatever this is,
please be over?
       the garden and a clingy cat,
companion like a pain in the ***...
of some estranged dog in the forest
as night...
   anything but these thirty or so
***** teen virgins,
sitting in my lap...
pulling at my beard...
          there's ***** with intent...
but then there's ***** without
consent...
talking about consent:
you're better off prostitutes...
what can they dare "claim":
you ***** them?
    the best they can do is claim
is that you didn't PAY THEM...
but as all prostitutes know:
you pay up-front...
so? so pretend your index index
is a tapeworm crawling into one
of your nostrils,
and then pretend to sneeze...

   my arachnophobia reaches
the proportion of spiders that are,
equivalent to the size of
my thumb's nail...
spotted erratically...
by surprise...
  i'm not exactly irrationally
apprehensive,
   whenever i spot a Muslim girl
wearing a headscarf...
   hence the "illogical" apprehension
of a term...

   i lied... why did i lie?
whenever i visit my grandparents
i intend to read
   françois rabelais'
   GARGANTUA & PANTAGRUEL...
ibn **** in your mouth my ***...
i just solved a sudoku puzzle,
and i have a excavated a narrative
to compensate...

quote:
    evil is the work and idle the activity,
   wanting to cleanly wipe one's own
***, with a piece of paper...

like i already mentioned:
#metoo?
   go to prostitutes...
you can't exactly be accused of anything
other than a non-payment...
but then you don't get
accused, you get beaten into a plum...
so? the Pontius Pilate motto:
you wash your hands...
  there's no shame in
what otherwise becomes shame
of being accused...

      you wipe your hands cleans,
and your *** too...
god forbid some teenage girl calls you
a philosopher, in that odd, most odd way...
you're standing right in front of her,
and she summons a ghost,
of someone, saying:
   'talk to this, philosopher'...

see... i need a toothpick for this sort
of crap...
     something is lodged between my teeth...
European languages have a pronouns
concept of nouns...
      a table can be a she,
a chair can be a he...
   english is a grammatically barren tongue...
hence? gender neutrality of
pronouns and identity politics...
    come to think of it...
quiet a ****** language to speak
in cosmopolitan areas -
or rather: a-rears...
        *** for a foocking foot...
and tongue to boot...

           so i'm a "philosopher" to some teenage
girl... in third person...
the girl was talking to a ******* ghost,
i was addressed in third person as
such... sure... my girlfriend's name
is Sophia... but whether it's love,
or not... is a BIG question to mark a genesis
with!

      **** it, whatever...
if you really want to invite the genre of philosophy
into your YA diet of fiction,
there's only one book your need to read...
Russell's - history of western philosophy...
please don't meddle in the headache
of the specific books...

let's begin with a syllogism
(two or more propositions,
combined, to give a third,
identical to the proposed two)...
a Kantian revision of Aristotelian
   barbara:

all men are mortal (major premiss)
socrates is a man (minor premiss)
therefore: socrates is mortal (conclusion).
or?
all men are mortal
all greeks are men
   therefore: all greeks are mortal...

p.s. and some are women.

i propose a variant of this logic...
Kantian...
  a logic of meaning replacing
words with mathematical
symbols,
akin to:
  
   ergo is +, -, x, ÷ or √ etc.
given that est is solidified
by a "mirror" of translation, =.

under the layer of "logic":

1, carrots,
   1, orange,
   2, all carrots are orange...

1 + 1 = 2...

if that makes any sense...
then again...
how many grammatical categories
of words are there,
and how many numbers?

noun, verb, adjective,
pronoun....
             conjunction....
definite / indefinite article...
adverb...
          prefix, suffix,
affix... abbreviation...

   and at this point, i lose count...

0    0    0    7    0    0    0    0    0
0    0    4  ­  5    8    0    0    6    2
5    0    0    6    0    0    0    9­    0
1    0    6    0    0    0    7    0    0
0    0    8    0 ­   0    0    9    0    0
0    0    7    0    0    0    2    0    ­4
0    2    0    0    0    3    0    0    8
4    8    0    0    9­    6    1    0    0
0    0    0    0    0    1    0    0    0

t­hus, the narrative
to compose
via the following
narrative:

9 2 1 6 8 8 8 6
9 7 1 1 1 3 3 7
9 4 2 2 3 3 6 9
6 6 7 7 7 7 5 2
4 5 2 3 4 4 5 3
5 5 2 5 8 8 1 3
3 1 4 9 9 4 5 ( )...

this

8    6    9    7    3    2    5    4    1
7    1    4­    5    8    9    3    6    2
5    3    2    6    1    4    8   ­ 9    7
1    4    6    9    2    8    7    3    5
2    5    8    ­3    4    7    9    1    6
3    9    7    1    6    5    2    8  ­  4
9    2    1    4    7    3    6    5    8
4    8    5    2   ­ 9    6    1    7    3
6    7    3    8    5    1    4    2    9.­..

and i once said i'd depict this sort
of "narrative"... sober...
      well **** me...
even i wished myself
          good-luck!

then again: even i know i over-stretched
the whole case to revise
Aristotelian logic...
   it's not that the "argument"
i made doesn't make sense,
it only means that i don't,
even vaguely, want to entrench it
into a solidified case for defense
that might span centuries...

            basically...
if all sentences begin and end with
the intermediating: ergo...
    can we bypass some things?
    i hate propositions,
maxim writings akin to Nietzsche,
because, simply because they are
propositions...
         they're not presuppositions...
and even if they are presuppositions...
which they are not...
        you can test any proposition
and ensure it's the truth,
by failing to comply with
a presupposition...

   i hate aphorisms...
precisely because...
wait...
           it's true because it has been
tested / experienced?
          it's proposed because
it can't be presupposed as
ontologically inherent?
    what is it?!
         so if it is an observation
a posteriori...
         what could possibly galvanize
these philosophies toward
orientation "supposing"
objective truths?
  
as far as i am concerned:
subjectivity is wholly a posteriori...
while objectivity is wholly
a priori...
    which confuses me...
          how can you write
an aphorism -
mind you, aphorisms are engrossed
in the biographical -
    and suppose it to be
an apriori, objective truth?
  
     no... i will not elaborate on
this observation...
                too busy... drinking.
Dennis Willis Jul 2019
If you get what you think about
and you think about
what you don't want
what do you get?

I think about
being an elbow
or maybe Gargantua
in a tax audit

Don't gape at the gap
of shortfalls
that festoon
all things

Can't chew
with that space
the baseball
made storied

Accept each swallow
on its journey
to becoming you
and not you
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2020
the leisure of non-cool...
   buttons in a smirk...
    the lob: the smirk...
   the nutmeg in footie...
   a gesture of riddling: the forever
pair... in that it's... the half-baked
      the *******
and the gammon: a scrutiny
of the excruciating...
doll: mrs. plentiful...
               and long-forgotten
the mr. pristine...
biased: loss of prefect and
perfect status...
in that there's so much
in banking on
the vogue of vague...
    a hierarchy
             of synonyms flimsy
and the befriending
of staging jurisprudence...
for angle...
for look-out loitering!
  zeal of this future ambition...

a woman scorned
and somehow the god
a nugget ego shrivelled
boyo a whack
at whittle wichy-wichy 'ard...

and... according to some
blatant german...
and faking insomnia
riddles: dogs like to bark
come 2am...

       the world: it happens...
            i go about it:
in and out as i somewhat please...
the crux, though:

    der welt: das passiert...
is what passes as that eternal:
"non-questionable"...

  perhaps: the mirrors sees...
           perhaps the lake is not froth
or a boiling conundrum
to some bother a tea-bag...

          ****: to sum up... bothering...
a tea-bag with boiling water...
gurgle gurgle: plot
that mother'ucking hendrix
matrix... bladder spill and... puß...

it's language: it's mandible...
it pretends a paragraph...
it starts thin at the top: FIN...
like END... in burgundian...

and grows an ordeal of knuckles...
cubed...
    when... a concept of knee...
mingles with...
        lips and... a ******* handicap
fwee plight is... "rooster"!

basically grows a concern
for a concept of... greasing...
and... cushion-pushing baby: tonne loads
on the replica scam!

basics at the bottom:
      bambi and the *****...
            now no new exasperated blonde
armed with a roulette
that's cradle the cat skidding
toward a grave...

      limbo libido...
                        ordeal of the shh'
and somehow split-teeth
               corn-skidding bonkers
of the last known of the "ordeal"...
explosion
     of Dallas the "old"
epicentre...

                      dying
to tow-tied in between the toes...
   and... shooting pigeons
when the penguins are "lost"
from a sense of "being" available...

trying to make-up the bitter
peace...
            the leisure the loiter...
the gargantua and a...
complexity of oysters that was
never to be made (into a) riddle.

much a welcome
return... toward heterogeneous
and crayons, crayons...
and that: a homelessness
of a societal proof:
to project... not...
an article defined noun...
     i.e. the blue... sea...
   the blue... sky...
         a blue... i want to think
of azure as an adjective...

   blah-bloc-up within;
the best kept secrets of the confined.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2020
the world is going down the route
of an absolute butchering of an apple crumble
and i find myself:
without a voice for the people -
perhaps the few epicurean hedonists -
among the other scuttling rats -
but not: with a voice stand at the fore
of a disgruntled mob...
   and... it's not an impossible stance...
after all: what's on my mind?
   well... there's the carrera hellcat XL...
or... more to the point...
there's the raleigh tulus 2 XL (29" wheels)...
something similar to that ancient
variation on a calibre bossnut from
the 1990s on which i managed to loose
around 20 kilograms...
once upon a time -
   in that: this great world of demands -
sometimes has you looking out for
little concerns and all the more simpler
plans of escapism -
   if this was beijing or amsterdam:
i doubt that thinking of a bicycle would
be any in way: remotely designated as
an escapist project -
                       for thought to accompany -
and i'm not really catering to
any phenomenology -
                                       either...
                backs against the walls of basics...
so that yes: this probably is
a variation of self-indulgence -
   but it's not: and never will be...
tabloid spew - it's sole redeeming need
for existence.

p.s. it just so happens that youtube
can still be fun...
ha... unwashed. season two -
faw wight faw wight...
   i might need a lightbulb:
no... not to illuminate any of the subject
matters is already dis-alienating:
DAN: faw wight and
meringue clouds... on the tinge
of the frizz!
       well: fair enough to the itv
and the bbc's attempts at anti-soap-opera
dramas:
    from DAN... to DEß -
knitted cotton? oh... nicholas' citation
of the "14"..
             around the time of
the punk's cultural appropriation
of the mohawk in blistering colours
of phosphorescent -
the punks didn't wash themselves:
while the...        НAЦИ!
you'd think... a clean-shaven...
fearful for his bald-patch and imitation
kippah: monk primo tonsure...
would have...

i'd gladly sink in teeth into the headlines...
but without a sizeable audience -
i have itchy teeth and a missing
chin - dub-step is somehow still
a music genre alive and well:
it might have been with
distance and burial...
            
     golz for gargantua: ha...
norf v.c. (volleyball club)....
                   ******* on an orange...
pardoning a shy-loan
of some word in aremnic.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2021
drink about: just enough...
it's not a litre of ol' jack...
it's not whiskey it's not ms. Audrey
Auburn... or...
that Baltic stone...

   bursztyn...
        
Latvian declension... say what?
    amber... that's that stone...
Wittgenstein and the limits of language...
i thought this was an atomised
endeavour...

then again... i'm not worried about
an absolute good...
a relative good... or a trivial good...
it's not even about: it feels...
if it's good it probably implies:
back into my placebo solipsism i go: curl...
"hide"...
the least of the other is by my standard:
the only relevant... good...
how i abhor confrontations how
i avoid them:
i have made a life out of it..

so... just enough drinking... too much smoking...
and i've written, only, this...
well... i blame memory...
i've spent too much time in that cinema...
i'm not some Goethe, some patriarch...
on a deathbed with a stereotypical
cascade of: life cascading before my eyes...
i already see the end...
the pagan way... taking it myself...
overpowering the lateness of death...

i drank just enough i smoked too much
and... in all fairness... i wrote: am writing...
the bare minimum to pass this night off as:
well invested... in...

          Wittgenstein and the limitations of language...
chose a different topic...
i hear these moral arguments
concerning women...
like... will there: should there, be...
a hope for improving these...
under the flourishing freedoms...
these.... sleeper-sociopaths?

long gone are the days when a man
would crawl back into his mother's *******
to remind himself of being
somewhat tadpole...
my advent of self-gratification...
compensation...
******* a tear along with that genocide
of ***** not off-loaded to a bank
of sorts... since nearing 36 i'm finally getting
bored of the whole design of piston
works and a bony imitation ****...

sifting through the faces along a route
from the outer reaches of the M25
teasing at st. paul's cathedral...
long ago there would be a song
akin to... stereotype me...
chris isaak's wicked game...

tonight? i ended up drinking enough,
smoking too much
and remembering just about: plenty...
origins of imagination
are not the same as the origins of:
well no ought no thought:
language is altogether limited, no?
but i can't fathom the letters
for the intricacy of a sparrow song...
i can't write you a *******
onomatopoeia for that sound....

i'll be the first to lament...
the fact that...
it's impossible to fall it love...
love in the old sense of allowing some
tenderness... kissing the eyelids
of a *******...
so much for attempting to still glorify
being that ideal love...

we won't be hurting from any new
love songs... mind you...
the girls will continue to sing about:
party on!
i don't mind; Darwinism outside the
anglophone world is...
distasteful... mildly arrogant...
Darwinism is true...
but there's all that existential cafe
******* to mind
having a summary akin to:
yes... everything has a reason,
everything has a purpose...
nature abhors vacuums...

         i abhor Darwinism for the sake that
it suggests itself as being all-encapsulating...
it's ontology, it's etymology...
it's the ******* trust i put into traffic...
all as one...
oh but i out a lot of trust into traffic...
only today i was "mindless"... a speeding demon
via Bow...

i keep myself being childless with
welcome distractions...
other people... the monuments can stand:
for purpose of presumption and / or...
otherwise...
but peoples' faces... mostly rigid...
proper thesis of cubism... poker psy-op
inviting...

only today i admired ancient Rome with
the t.v. spectacle of Domina...
they were really... liberal... in the classical sense...
weren't they?
surrogacy was a big "thing" for them?
to be a man... and raise a child...
that's not your own... to employ the tactics of...
close-closeted-encountered....
you scratch my back i'll scratch yours...
Gargantua...
                          favouritism of relations...
there was never sly hand...
involved?
*****-please! back the **** away!
what's the proper term?
nepotism?!

oh? so it's agreed, upon...
there's a tinge of nepotism i might have to work around
like it's supposedly Russia?
and Russia is bad...
    
yes... Russian is bad... i will not speak
i will not write their cheap-*****
Cyrillic when, otherwise...
Greek might be attested...
5 years under **** Germany...
better... best... bitterest most:
than... that cringe of Bolshevik ****!
and i'm an extension...
part of the ****** plethora...
         sink 'em... the Russians...
into the cauldron
of the Caucasus... in with them...
along with the Ottomans...

the 1990s market for love song.....
when the if: idealism of woman was still
available....
rummaging in **** associated with:
sunset, sunrises...
why are these muslim teen girls...
doubling up on pretend shy...

i can't help being a tinge of traffic....
she no Yoko Ono...
but for the purpose of my... me...
wetting the *****-nilly...
just a thought:
consecration on the formidable...
posit of junction...

i'm not supposedly not speaking english...
hello... the end...
no hello... i'm bound to,,,
all that's left:
the twaffiic!

****-****-you!
יה
        יש

           what if...        yashwesh? jachwach po polsu
po polsku... a jakby... niet(?)
                   because the name is surd riddled...
not necessarily yashwesh but
yashwa...                     he is YSHVH to me...

ישוה
          

through this day brought the fetus
to the marble
and wondered why am i tired
of the living and all glory unto the dead
so silent they storm
the palace of sounds

me hallucinating being a DJ
on egress of the crowd
from Wembley Stadium
listening to Boris Brejha...
several times interrupted
woke up munching on 64% cocoa dark
Wedel chocolate and salt toasted
peanuts
the bear vs the man vs the bear-man
and the man-child like
the emblem of the patron saint
of applying for a driving license

apparently all cyclists are *******
self entitled morons of bruised
rubber and top-knots bits-and-bobs
of jack: jack says no: n.b. hyde
and Sherlock Hyphen Skylock Showlock
first time seeing the *** army
youths of the urban environment

Europe is a museum
Europe is a museum

only when the hordes recede and hide
and bleach and bleach
two generations down:
the future is bi-racial is not bi-lingual
the future is mixed-race
i wish it was bi-lingual
likez zee schwitz zee schwitz

Lombardy and Saxony
and the Swedish House of Vaza
that came with crystals and salt
to the thrones of kings of wormhood
in the klepsydra Hydra
sow self to no-self

the ingenious idea of mingling buddhism
with christianity in the 1960s
of the 20th century...
but buddha was not Nepalese
he was an Indian Prince...
just like Jesus was not a Jew
a Hasid
Jesus was a Syrian perhaps
Assyrian perhaps
Egyptian most definitely
the historian Josephus ben Matthias cites
a false prophet of Egypt
who stormed the mount of olives
returned bitter with false faces
and thorough the distraught architecture of Rome

stands intact...
why would the ancient world care so much
about the jews killing jesus
rather than Barabbas (bar abba)
not ben abba

   ben: son of
bar: of sons of fathers

bar abba

                     Matthias bar Abba
Mathayas

                 Mathayas

Mathayas

                             not Matisyahu

Mathayas

         YAS vs YAH

in english the H is a surd a vowel catcher
not CH or samo-HA
but silent... not hatch 'atch 'itch
y'

               in Greek and in Hebrew...
please... for me to see at least...
no... no Greek... confusion with G on the Y...
me thinking the new testament
is a Hebrew-Greek propaganda smear
campaign again Rome but
so much smackers and hit busters
and what do we call these canisters
on the side of the street
motorists fueling themselves with laughing
gas...

Mathayas: iota help center: diacritical stupendous
elongate the i
using the appropriate symbols
to avoid bringing a TAIL TO I TO J
TAIL TO I TO J
JAPAN = SATAN
JAPAN = SATAN

ah! now greek some hebrew but certainly
#katakana...
    
          Pacific Ocean learning curve...

make the i longer like a j not a j not dz i.e. jot
jet jungle dzungla
dzungla...

        ヤパン
         サタン

                                ease my nerves: so much for being
born, but yet there are still people
with little nerve: big waves short sea
in my dream of recent i was taking
photographs of tsunamis
of Miller's Planet

          in my dreams i am on Miller's Planet...
Second Eden of Mann
on the Black Sun Gargantua
if humanity is still alive we will
turn earth into Giedi Prime:
earth nocturnal us morphed into luminescent
semi sea creatures
since all land will disappear
and we will return to being oceanic mammals

the death-tomb splendor of the pyramids
to graffiti onto the air
and all manner of passing
a suggestion against the desert:
mountains once stood here
now winds demonstrate and water is also
dragged by air all around
as long as the theaters and opera houses
and clocks the size of wrists of the gods one eyed
that one eyed implying second eye
a perma... human presence in foil
and grid and scoop
a silence a one eyed no-body n00b
nowhere nothing the strict residue of freed
intellectual caving
unlike riding a bicycle or riding a horse
but this exoskeleton
sk not school not wool skool
the youth and their rigid question-dyslexia...
but i hold not allegiance to England
and i can see England as i:

i once dreamed of travelling to India
and walking across the Islamic world
back to England...
God intervened...
India and the Islamic world
came to England...
now i'm either to leave England
to Australia New Zealand Hawaii...
but i'm not...
this garden a ship on the sea of carnage
seeking mouth of the river Styx
toward the land of Hades toward some thrill
of... what do we truly leave behind?

money, as concept i do not know...
money is also a saying:
better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven
flip of a coin
why is money two-faced
Mammon the 1st and Mammon the 2nd...
money is two faced...
the one eyed god invoked on one face
and the regal human on the flip face ordeal
that the moon must
drink up one ocean and **** it out
in another while also being the bartender
for penguins on Antarctica...

toward the second waking of lost earth
abandoned desert of these brats' spoiled riches
in conjuring rain
onto the deserts
like the Soviets conjured glorious
sunny weather on day rememberence
having conquered nations in germany
no thought of the re-emergent tsar nicholas
nevetcky -
               bald, scalp of Berlin....

my own mythos at stake, my own nightmares
will not be owned by others
i will reign (over) my nightmares
and call them heightened abodes
                                 google: peace-keeping
pacemakers backgammon is a **** game
only made fun on the attack
but then the luck of the draw
makes this game anti-strategic
and chess is no o-era P i.e. chess is ****
and chess is anti-intellectual
because chess is nakedness robotic
humanized in Dune's Mentats...
semi-gay quadrants of associating the tetragrammaton
to a god with four faces
the primitive allure of Islamic one one one one
this pseudo drone narrative
translated out of Arabic is a threat
and not welcome...

because intact and -ness and integrity
Judaism is not a social club
but Islam is dying a death unseen
by seeing a proselyte branch of Semi-Sufi
Soothe E           e         e         e       e       ease...
's plural missing
also not possessive: but can be...
Paul's... the chair the chair's crooked posture
in van Gogh Gohg Gogh's eye(s) zzzzzz no snooze...

chairs stacked up up and into spiderwebs of
breaking the impenetrable foliage of
comparative literature of how far the eye can see
through a pine forest of Europe
an oak forest of England
or across the horizon melt
the non-event horizon standing on the shore
of Kauai looking at the sky and the Pacific

the sky and the Atlantic are different...
more amassing of the receding
earth into the sea... what emerged as man
so forever and our Prometheus gene
to continue until the sun becomes a black
hole: our ambition...
to purge by no calamity: certain as we are
to follow the Route of House Aquarius Harkonnen
to the naked flesh devoid of sun
or tan this albino monstrosity of liquid and
pseudo-muscular tensions
these hybrid tongue-masquerade-gherkin phallus
****** brain miasmas... fried high DSL chiral...
brain mantras instead of
brain realities
brain mantras brain mantras people's
literacy skills a facade of ancient lore
of priests
now all exposed to literacy and...
like the advent of the internet
the advent of mass literacy was a failure...
when it happened or why is rather mysterious
to get rid of useful codependents
the useful friendly codependents
of the illiterate class
that could also somehow burden themselves
with hyper-status in numeracy...
i have known several dyslexic folk who were
hyper numeratic... erratic with the use of numbers
to their advantage...

**** with letters but good with numbers
and not the sort of mathematics
that is borderline language
like algebra and physics and chemistry...
but the sort of language
of numbers that's economics and medicine
and crowd control and recognizing ****** expressions
when someone is lying
and not playing a game of poker...
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2020
perhaps the repenting drunk is more
monstrous than
the unrepenting one...
no... the repenting drunk is more
monstrous than the unrepenting drunk...
if the latter is still...
killing flies and the former is
making confessions to sore thumb...
                          
    currently they are laying new tarmac
outside my house...
    it is nearing midnight and they might
be finished come 5am...
    it's so real
that there's no need for painters...
or... it's so "surreal" that the scene
can be translated in my mind as...
the same men... manning a U-boat in
world war II...

a massive road paver...
   like a dinosaur / whale...
   and skidding road rollers
  of finishing details...
                shovels... bright lights...
a sedating volcanic scent...
a romance of:
        not working in an office...
therefore not needing to invest
in hamster-wheel fetishes of a gym...

but i'm not out there... i'm...
      Homer was also a man... Dante...
was also a man...
               Horace...
                what is gender dysphoria...
in the context of:
a man writes the divine comedy...
a man is... laying a road...
   well so much for writing these words...
and hoping to not feel
a ghost pair of ******* from
being castrated...
           as a man's man...
        or as... a woman's man or...
              the other the it the lobotomy oops...
by comparison
each muscle in my body is by now
a mollusk or an oyster...
   my phallus is in a pickle jar...
my **** is screaming: vough-vah!
pretending there's a titillating L
in there somewhere...
          but i am all for playing
this cascade of "piano"...

     mrs. america starring cate blanchett...
2nd wave feminism...
i guess the 1st (wave) invokes
the suffragettes -
                     yes... since the women
the vote: there haven't been any wars...
well... no heroic wars...
no pride ownership wars...
just collateral this... collateral that...
    but work as such...
            beside the harsh grit...
this... aesthetic ******* in between...

no man of a disposition such as i
should write words to paper...
it doesn't help the digestion of oats or rye bread...
hardly a boast of 6ft1 115kg
   and... hunched over this doodle...
that i wish my fingers were dancing
in my mind...
this softcore presence of life...
hardly a feature of:
    how bone can mingle with stone
and wood... how the muscle can be strained
and worn into a tearing...

but a poet is less than a tailor...
          grumpy fool... dealing with the feminine...
i detest having the sort of youth
that had me inspect philosophy...
by now: it's very unreasonable to have to...
it's not like being literate is
anything spectacular...
          
          to have replaced playing the guitar
with stroking my beard...
  is also a premeditation on the nostalgia
for shaving...
         impossible this scrutiny of
psychology... perhaps at best being:
riddled by letters...

i try to fathom the concept of masculinity
in the guise of the alchemist...
or the astrologist...
    but it's somehow impossible...
too impossible to quake at the prospect
of the masculine plethora of experience:

that i could... somehow...
make my body a potential...
                  and leave it as only a potential...
that there's this grey bureaucratic murk
of: that's enough...
  or... that's the constipated zenith
of all that was ever necessary...

  when there was a time of economic marxism:
i.e. there never was...
but to fend off this 20th century ghost
of a marxism: culturally speaking...
it's impossible to begin...
from the french revolution...
       from the russian revolution...
notably: because of the serf-emancipation...
prized african bulls...
while the sorry sods with
siberia in their subconscious...
prized african bulls:
                 slavery and genocide...
            because it's not like...
                   it's not like...
                        that's a paralysing dichotomy
of concepts...
          a people enslaved are not...
   a people made subject to genocide...
                       slavery is not negation...
                   the current grievance list of arguments
is so impossible to stomach...
       i find no sympathy in my heart...
between being kept alive... sought out
essential morbid crosses of exploit...
   but then... to be teased with life...
                     to be teased with any sought-after...
an african bull is... a lanky leek of a sorrow
of a pupil at a yeshiva school...
             it would be "easier" to run a marathon...
than read a nugget of hegel's oeuvre...
                    the phenomenology...

the viking culture: to be treated as wholly
masculine... had... a respect for the poetic...
no poetry when all is a half-baking
of journalistic integrity...
                 how the vikings loved poets...
by now: all are solo projects...
all is a democracy of solipsism...

     i could come around full circle: bilingual
"schizoid": de facto contradiction - squared...
                    this language is hardly recitation
material... where is the rhyme?!
                  it's not supposed to be ice-skating...
sharpening a knife...
           language complicates itself...
         should i wish to simplify it...
                i could if i didn't allow it to press
forward with automated purposes -
mind its own master...
  somehow comparable to a knee-**** reaction...

otherwise: to do something as convenient
for the tax-consciousness of the overt-wordly...
as to acquire skin drafts of roughage
from kneeling: stub spectacular
circus cameo: endless this constipated
barrage of words...

             like an imitation of colour:
that grey is a shared hue
of having invested in a plop of genesis:
either black or white...
               that there are enough
adjectives to hide a noun...
and that nouns behave like layers...
           and how one noun can't conflate
another noun...
           and how almost all concerns
for misnomers are adjective prone examples...

is that vinyl can be compared
to rock liquorice?
like cookie crumble is the *******...
wild exaggeration of ******...
         nothing is agreed upon...
           all is being riddled with a juggling
act... notably a sway to invite...
a "critique" of: the cure's siamese twins...
or: a short-term effect...

in Istanbul / Constantinople the old
world powers congregated...
talked and resolved their griefs with yawns...
the forest people of the north
made demands for the saharan bicycle
only-boys club...
                       the Hagia Sophia
was reminded of blood: brick by brick...
       the forest people had enough
timber for solving the toothpick conundrum...
while the camel jockeys served
a privy for... time encapsulated
with the usage of sand...
  and a riddle of a trickle...
                   because the mosquitos
required the advent of moisture...
and either hot... or cold...
the camel driver disinfectant managing
tool...

           it's a worded painting:
a word salad... or the very most debilitating
first concern...
last served...
                            hues of revised red and
purple... accents of colours...
demanding over-reach of what could
otherwise stage a solid proof of
geometry...

                     diptych spec-ocular...
                        a chicken drumstick not
riddled with angry teeth...
                     some disused nouns...
   otherwise the remains of prepositions /
conjunctions instilled with
an in-vogue presentability...
                          how does a word
beside itself to become out of fashion...
yet retain... it's etymological grant?

my dear sir / madam evans...
            no cute cue toward... being employed
by kew gardens...
   since! the house is in disarray...
                   best kept secret... a bone tomahawk...
a cave... some cannibals...
a whole litany of secrets...
that make... creepy-crawly talk
a foundation for: a butter extraction
from... jerking off milk...

more hollow than hallow jerusalem -
some said: build low...
others said...
give 'em the playground...
high tier raise and tow:
wasze ulice... nasze kamienice -
your streets... our tenements...
   the notable jews of poland...

there's a prestige at the nibble...
governing the prized palette fetish...
nearing the bones...
it's not enough to just... gorge with
a mouthful at the mere protein...
it is... mere... protein...
somehow butchered twice...
once at the actual butchers...
second when it was being cooked...
a meatloaf extravaganza...
       an amputee tossing giggles...

excruciating return-to narrative offers...
          because picking cotton was
not unlike... a potato harvest...
or coal-mining: leave that to the irish...
or the ****** slav enclave...
unreasonable spectacle of nostalgia...
a u.f.o. meteor replica
of awe...
             given... there's a propaganda
leisure concerning:
all are presumed innocent...
     of those that can do no wrong...

a very anglophile creation...
      if one were to speak french in africa...
one wouldn't want to claim
a return to the native talk...
    why... if i were not ******...
if i had to be made weary...
subsequently to be negated in such
a way as to... inquire... what prior
to... given a "hypothetical" lesson
in either german or russian...
                      of my "own" people...
                                  such that this is
written in english...
                it's not the english of a currency
of protest...
         it's not... hitchhiking...
it's not stealing the narrative...
it's... i want the narrative of a clerk...
                     in my mind i want:
ławka to remain... a bench...

         but in the realm of english-speaking...
french is somewhat: m'eh...
spanish is contested...
german is ignored or simply reviled...
arabic and mandarin have to
be acknowledged...
  the remains? either negated outright...
or beside a concept of concern
via "being" neglected...
there's only the riddle of gaelic or welsh...
if one were to find a locality
within the confines of english:
and a geography and a fake of
the cross-continental diaspora...

i only write in english because...
   there's a comforting concept of irish...
a sort of hebrew synonym parallel
contending with the egyptian hieroglyphs...
cocktail of:
it's hardly a contest...
to have to heave...
a borrowing...
                   of having attained...
         a status of: being conquered by ancient
rome...
   most notably the english...
who spell a latin letter by lettter...
unlike....
      the fwench: who applied some adventure
in the detail of: a diacritical marker...
  the S i.e. kedilla...
     or the iberian folk... blah blah blah...
borderline... where rome didn't arrive by
sword... the greek arrived at with quill...
but that's still... contested territory...
this "central" and "eastern" ESTONIA /
LITHUANIA...
       and the borrowed tribes of mongol / mongrel
polacks of... silesia is
the new sardinia /                  sicily...

otherwise to partake in the ****
of assurances of those born into
a "*******" to mere speaking english
this leash like not other...
and some muzzle...

a gargantua of the not displaced...
failed city adventure
economics...
              i have to bestow
an agony of jealous worship for
a people: beside a concern for the individual
as having the nomad bestowed
upon them...

this ideal crux of a welcome day...
and this abiding by a synchronicity
exhaustion of the night with
the ideal of minding sleep...
towing my inability to fake...
dream-world architecture...

                       to be made necessary...
beside a concern for "love"...
to have enough of a worldly affair as
any man should even perhaps ought:
to begin a prospect of an aching
breath with...
                
          what a daydream!
           what! anyman's tittle and...
that there will never be...
a myriad of a reasoning with doubt;
choicest...
my once prized peacock: doubt...
a sacrificed fixation on sharpening
a discard of loitering emotions...

    now this outright:
              having to compete
with the forever unnecessary...
a walking abortion...
                         glide over gimmick...
and... forever towing that
best kept inhibition, spectacular.

— The End —