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Starving Artist Apr 2018
Get out of my life.
Leave me alone.
I'm tired of you constantly adding unneeded stress,
Telling me I'm not good enough,
Digging up these sickening insecurities,
And ruining my friendships.
I may not be good at anything.
But I still deserve to live a happy, normal life.
So just go away.
I no longer will stand for the constant
breakdowns in the car,
attacks in the classroom,
freakouts on vacation,
And the panicking while I'm trying to rest.
I want to be happy.
I  want my friends.
I want what you stole from me.
I want my old life back.
And if you don't leave willingly then I will do everything in my power to rid you from my life.
Because
I
DON'T
WANT YOU!

Sincerely,
The happy child you buried in your shadow.
Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and somethimes, they win. ~Stephen King
Simon Holzmann Jun 2020
I wake up on a golden beach, relaxed.
In the surging neon plenty of a reveling metropolis
that can’t wait to leave yesterday behind,
I cheerfully embrace the warmth radiating from my chest.

And I dance
with the ghosts of Chiba, Chiba.

Sipping in the Chiba sun.
Hacienda, cheaper ***
than anywhere, I don't care.
I'm sleeping with my boss's wife
and leave her on a beach at night.
Disheveled, drunk, and sickly high.
Delve deep into bohemian life.

Chinese cigarettes, imported;
Rice cakes, ginger tea, and pork chops;
*** fights in deserted courtyards;
Betting thousands, deal out more cards;
Go all in and ditch the loan sharks.

My cat with laryngitis and only one eye
keeps watch as OD-Girls doze off and die,
Choking on puke and the air of a city
that runs low on love and the last fumes of pity.
Odds stacked against me for as far as I can see.

Hookers greet me, pimps compete with me;
My number one is fifteen and smells sweetly;
I make 'em pay dearly;
I move house yearly;
I come home to 8-ball freakouts weekly;
Adrenalin shots in ghostly veins run freely.
Running lonely in bodies so completely
riddled with pain that is too much to take
and too little to ****.
I'll decide when I've had my fill.

I wake up on a purple beach, paralyzed.
In the burning neon excess of a frenzied metropolis
that can’t wait to burn through its own circuits,
I hopelessly fight back the acidic swell in my throat.

And I dance
with the ghosts of Chiba, Chiba.
Qualyxian Quest Nov 2023
So my talents might be discovered
But then my sins and freakouts too
I'm afraid of attention
Reno Rendezvous

I keep on writing
A need. A hope. A view.
I wish she would show
A wish that don't come true?

                     22
Smothered Divine May 2020
1.
He believes he can have my
Heart and Soul
And cradle them in between his soft fingers.
He asks to let him teach me
how to hold my
Heart and Soul
On my own.
He believes we can handle the
Flames and Mayhem
That come with loving me.

2.
Insomnia is a lonely battle,
reading texts again and again like
Scripture.
Bowing my head, whispering in a demurral tone,
Praying for silence to take the reigns.
But He pings my cell...
He calls and we talk until the sun slivers through.
We chitter till I can no longer hold myself
And I fall asleep.

3.
Isolation.
It's a virtue that all must gain at some point
In their gap of existence.
Isolation creates patience.

But my legs tap-tap-tapping in this
Isolated quarantine
Pull my body into a pace;
My chest is an empty cavern
and it bumps and thumps like a race between ravens.
They soar and swoop and rock my body back
and forth.
They Flutter-Flutter-CATCH their prey.

Anxiety no longer at bay.
Tears... A bitter cliche.

And then you hold me- not a touch.
A word in our world that shines like the day.
The sun of your smile, the pool of your eyes,
The fall leaves in piles, our laughter to the skies.

4 (And Final).
Two wrongs can't make a right,
So why is our damage such a delight?
My panics, manics, freakouts.
Your lockdown, shut down, hideaway-
Let's build our souls, day by day.
One after another and maybe we'll stay
Just as it is, nothing else could say-
He said that she said that we said that they said
We'll lose it, so we laugh it away.

And now, as they say, somewhere far... FAR away, Au revoir ma chérie.
---------------------------------
I love you. And even if we break up, Michael,
you know that I'll always hold a place for you inside my soul.
Thank you for your honesty, your loyalty,
and your help when I hit rock bottom.
You're amazing and now the world knows<3

— The End —