A lot of people think they can write or paint or draw or sing or make movies or what-have-you, but having an artistic temperament doth not make one an artist.


Even the great writers of our time have tried and failed and failed some more. Vladimir Nabokov received a harsh rejection letter from Knopf upon submitting ******, which would later go on to sell fifty million copies. Sylvia Plath’s first rejection letter for The Bell Jar read, “There certainly isn’t enough genuine talent for us to take notice.” Gertrude Stein received a cruel rejection letter that mocked her style. Marcel Proust’s Swann’s Way earned him a sprawling rejection letter regarding the reasons he should simply give up writing all together. Tim Burton’s first illustrated book, The Giant Zlig, got the thumbs down from Walt Disney Productions, and even Jack Kerouac’s perennial On the Road received a particularly blunt rejection letter that simply read, “I don’t dig this one at all.”

So even if you’re an utterly fantastic writer who will be remembered for decades forthcoming, you’ll still most likely receive a large dollop of criticism, rejection, and perhaps even mockery before you get there. Having been through it all these great writers offer some writing tips without pulling punches. After all, if a publishing house is going to tear into your manuscript you might as well be prepared.

1. The first draft of everything is ****. -Ernest Hemingway
2. Never use jargon words like reconceptualize, demassification, attitudinally, judgmentally. They are hallmarks of a pretentious ***. -David Ogilvy
3. If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy. – Dorothy Parker
4. Notice how many of the Olympic athletes effusively thanked their mothers for their success? “She drove me to my practice at four in the morning,” etc. Writing is not figure skating or skiing. Your mother will not make you a writer. My advice to any young person who wants to write is: leave home. -Paul Theroux
5. I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career that before developing his talent he would be wise to develop a thick hide. — Harper Lee
6. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. ― Jack London
7. Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout with some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand. — George Orwell
8. There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. ― W. Somerset Maugham
9. If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time — or the tools — to write. Simple as that. – Stephen King
10. Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman
11. Imagine that you are dying. If you had a terminal disease would you finish this book? Why not? The thing that annoys this 10-weeks-to-live self is the thing that is wrong with the book. So change it. Stop arguing with yourself. Change it. See? Easy. And no one had to die. – Anne Enright
12. If writing seems hard, it’s because it is hard. It’s one of the hardest things people do. – William Zinsser
13. Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college. – Kurt Vonnegut
14. Prose is architecture, not interior decoration. – Ernest Hemingway
15. Write drunk, edit sober. – Ernest Hemingway
16. Get through a draft as quickly as possible. Hard to know the shape of the thing until you have a draft. Literally, when I wrote the last page of my first draft of Lincoln’s Melancholy I thought, Oh, ****, now I get the shape of this. But I had wasted years, literally years, writing and re-writing the first third to first half. The old writer’s rule applies: Have the courage to write badly. – Joshua Wolf Shenk
17. Substitute ‘****’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. – Mark Twain
18. Start telling the stories that only you can tell, because there’ll always be better writers than you and there’ll always be smarter writers than you. There will always be people who are much better at doing this or doing that — but you are the only you. ― Neil Gaiman
19. Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. – Oscar Wilde
20. You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. ― Ray Bradbury
21. Don’t take anyone’s writing advice too seriously. – Lev Grossman
image – christine zenino

Brian Allans cry for help



Hi my name is Brian Allan and I have been kidnapped by a masked bandit,
I have no idea what he looks like because he grabbed me from behind, and
Before I could see him, I was kidnapped in the back of his car.
At first, I thought they were just targeting me,,but I noticed he had my friends
Brendan and Patrick, and they have been kidnapped for longer than me, and they
Are starting to look weaker as well.
I will look weak too, but it ain't my character to be weak, but this kidnapper
Calls himself the clean cut kidnapper, and suddenly as I am writing this, I am noticing
Brendam being beaten, and please someone save me, cause you can't beat up Brian
Allan, cause, mate, Brian Allan is too strong, it is one thing to kidnap me intially, but you
Are not keeping me. Cause someone will save me, or Brian Allan, me, will escape, so
You better make sure you are ready for my escape, you see, I am Brian Allan, who the hell are you, you see dudes, my hands are tied and they are hurting, but Brian Allan is tough, he won't die from this, I also have my legs tied, and I am suffering, and there is gag on my mouth so I can't speak.
The actual kidnapper of me, is Richard Swain, and mate he killed Paul Berenyi, as well AA Scott McDonald, and now he wants me dead as well as Brendan and Patrick, we are scared, and we want to be set free, because we are boys, and when me, pat, and brendan get free, we'll gang up on Richard Swain, and bash his little head right in, I can, cause my running makes me strong, and i will protect little Brendan, and I will also protect Pat as well, yes, I need to be set free.
Richard came back into the room, and laughed a weird heh heh heh, as he was looking at us ******* in his rumpus room, struggling to get free, and move on to the next phase of our lives.
Patrick was saying through his gag, I will bash that Richard Swain, when I get my hands and body free from this rope, Richard Swain is a dead man, and brendan said through his gag, I am normal, why have you kidnapped me with two intellectual disabled men, I am a kid, and when I get free, you'll regret the day you kidnapped Brendan Schultz, and Brian Allan and Patrick Enright, I just wish each of us can untie ourselves and do karate on these spastic kidnappers.
Brian then said through his gag, that Richard Swain isn't keeping them with him, and Brian Allan also said you aren't getting away with this, Brendan is normal, and this comes to a shock to you, me and Pat are normal too, and Richard Swain said, I know your normal, but I am a mentally disturbed man, who wants to kidnap normal young dudes so you dudes are doomed in this rumpus room, and none of you will be ever set free, heh heh heh heh
Pat and Brisn struggled to get free, because they are bigger and when they got free, Brian and Pat untied Brendan and very slowly got away, being careful the spastic Richard Swain won't catch them, they got away and after 1 hour they returned to their individual houses, and Richard Swain noticed we were gone, and suddenly the police arrested him. And after 3 months was sentenced to 23 years behind bars, while Brian said, you can't kidnap me fella, while Brendan and pat said the same thing, yes these boys were safe at home at last.

the argument of the universe, ends the life of youtube sensation, caleb



in the great saturn club rings on thursday october 1 2015m peter sargent and ted bundy

had a very strong argument which really was beginning to turn nasty, first ted ******* paul berenyi

and snatched greame thorne and adam walsh, making their earth bodies really shook up

you see greame thorne is me, brian allan from canberra and adam walsh is some young man who was

killed by the parramatta terrorist and peter sargent came up to ted bundy, and said, stop this, i mean

you should stop this, and ted said, i am slowing the earth down, so you will be good to mind your own business

but peter said, neh, i don’t want to let you win, you see my earth body is a cool boy, never to be killed, you

will never get us ted bundy, ted bundy grabbed peter by the arm saying, watch what you say, buddy, but peter

really wanted to slow down teds reign, because this is weird what the world has been going through since you died

first you made brian allan a crazy person by making him tie himself up in a toilet in mitchell, and can’t you see he is suffering

too much from that stupid mistake your ghost made him do and it was awful to push his next door neighbour brendan down as well,

brian really liked him, and me, you made me **** myself when i was having problems that you caused, and ted said, but you are

enjoying being a cool boy now, don’t jeopardise it, dude, but peter kept on yelling blaming him for all the suicides that happened like

anthony, the mentally ill christian, and barry loughton as well as mark jones, and i know these deaths were normal, but you are the reason why

they are dead, ted, and i hate what you are doing to brian allan from canberra lately, he likes watching his grandmas next life annie be with slim dusty

who is hayley, and me who is caleb, but you are trying to **** him, by making his old school chin patrick enright, in his mind, tease him in his mind

treating him like his family, by making him lose interest in things, and peter told ted, he hates what you are putting in brian’s mind, by killing off all the

old fogies one by one, you see brian’s aunty pam developed a cancer of the lung, giving her no energy, she never smokes, and peter told ted that

he hates dads dellusional ghost trying to make brian write and think evil things about his father, and peter said, you will never get my current earth body

he plays baseball and really enjoys being a youtube sensation, peter said to ted bundy, you see what you are doing is destroying the world, including

my beloved canberra, where i met brian and chris allan, who played cricket with me, and i hate how you are making brian tease his dad with the poor people

i know he doesn’t want to be a rich ****, but some of the situations were very dodgy, and i want you to let brian allan be a man, ya know, i know he still likes

cricket despite of what he tells people, and ted bundy, at about 7 on the 1st october, struck caleb from bratayley down, by grabbing his cool kid, and tying him up

on the sun with paul berenyi and adam walsh and greame thorne, and the way he did this, was grab peter sargent by the arm and say, you are no longer a youtube sensation

by grabbing you, i **** off your youtube sensation life caleb, and burn your cool kid in the sun, you see peter, there is no heaven, and there is no hell, you see if you are a

nice kid, i will, put you on the sun, ready to suffer in your next life, you’ll never know, peter, i might bring you back to hole in the wall canberra, in a poor neighbourhood

you see peter, i am destroying the life of crocus’s current earth body, by giving him sore feet, and keeping the cool kids away from him, like brattayley, i know that brian’s

grandmother on his mothers side is there as annie, and slim dusty is hayley, and if they return after the funeral of caleb, i have powers to take the cool kid off

these kids, ted bundy said, because, what i was doing on earth, was turning people off, showing the world their fresh legs, peter said, let us go, ted bundy, please let us go

i will never lose my reign, and your next life will certainly know it, peter sargent, peter said, i will make sure, you suffer, and ted said, think about it, brian allan wants to be famous and living in adelaide

but money is keeping him here in canberra ok, so you will never get what you want, while you have to understand, even the rich people who are seldom getting what they want

in theory, are being bashed or murdered, or maybe even both, this world isn’t good, and that is because of me, ted bundy said and caleb is suffering, as he doesn’t want to be *******

to the sun, he wants to be with bratayley, to live to be old, and ted bundy said heh heh heh heh we will make4 brian allan suffer as he wants to give greame thorne is wish of being famous

trying to beat ted bundy forcing his old mate patrick’s teasing voice out of his head forever, but what is happening ted is saying, let’s make brian’s school friends watch the professionals

and laugh at brian, yeah this sounds radically awesome said ted, granny is with slim dusty through annie and hayley, but because of caleb being snatched from there to be tied to the sun

will bratayley return, or will ted bundy get what he wants, no technology for young people, and this is a hard battle, but we all must stop the ghost of ted bundy, by doing what we want to do

as long as it is good, and realise if we do things that is bad, it’s ted bundy that is enforcing it

Captured in the psych ward part 20


You see Robert stone has been driving the whole HDU crazy with his noise, he is cursing little jingles like
Let me out now let me our now
Let me out ya fucken *****
I wanna ***** my wife and kids
You see the screws have got me hey have got me they have got me all wrong you see I am going to pretend to behave so I can do that again and
While that was going on, Ron was at home reading up all the juicy details about Robert Stone on the Internet and what he found out was not good
You see the information that Robert gave him besides his name was false
You apparently Robert Stone was a prison escapee from goulburn gaol
And he was in there for 20 years serving a 26 year sentence for killing his two sons right in the head to make his wife suffer for having an affair and for Ron? This looks very interesting he said and then Ron picked up the phone and rang goulburn gaol and then said as the prison governor answers the phone and Ron said, do you have a prison escapee by the name of Robert stone who is in there for murdeting his boys, my name is Ron cooper the psychologist of the royal Melbourne and I think I have your prisoner in our HDU, and the governor said, well yeah we did have that patient but we thought he had died, so we called off the search, and Ron said, well I am sure this is The Robert stone you are looking for
Mainly because he was threatening the kids in the children's ward and then he said he was Robert stone. I know sometimes the mentally I'll pretend to be people their not but
It's weird that that he does look like this guy, would you like to come and ID the man? Cause I have got a 16 year old here and the others might have problems with him, cause we can't keep him in solitary forever and the governor said, I will send an officer right away to bring him back, but it does sound like our man cause
He wasn't mentally ill and Ron told him he had schotzpgrenia but the officer said it is a load of crap, he is just saying that so he can be let off the hook but by law, before we get there you give him a mental health assessment but I am sure he will be
Passed as negative and then they said goodbye and Ron went for his usual at fran and dan's cafe and said, you know that man that went to the HDU yesterday well he could be a very dangerous psychopath who served a 26 year sentence at goulburn gaol and dan said well well well, aren't you the busy bee, and fran said to Ron you notice that Barry isn't here. Appsrentky he went over to New York apparently Barry Allan was a stock broker in New York
And was holidaying here in Melbourne and he gave you this card thanking you for being a terrific friend to him while he was here and Ron had his breakfast and then went to the hospital and as soon as he arrived there the nurses said you got a call from the Goilburn gaol.  Saying
They are sending a police car for Robert stone and Ron said thanks, yeah, apparently he is a prison escapee from there and no matter how much help I can give him, it still is hard to fight the law and then Ron
Went into the HDU and said to Bill, just get your things and I will be there in a minute and then went in and bought Robert his breakfast and he opened the door and Robert asked Ron Are you trying to help today, I have written down some things that I want to do and how I can rebuild my life, and Ron gave Robert his breakfast and said, no mate keep that for your probation officer in goulburn gaol, I know about you now, and it ain't pretty nice it ain't pretty at all Robert stone
Child killer and this made Robert stone yell out ****, I thought you see my way. No I don't see the way of someone who kills kids to make women suffer mate, sorry, and then Ron locked his door and then took Bill to TAFE and then went fran and dans to have a milkshake and vanilla ice and he said today I told Robert stone that he had been found out
By us and the police car is on the way and then a man named Patrick Enright is sitting in the back slurping his drink saying this drink is wonderful and then Ron said I think that so many dangerous criminals are falling through the cracks and people like is are ssving them and then we know only what fhey tell us and Patrick said, no, really we should not worry about that, in General speaking people should be given a fair go, the prison system in Australia is stupid and everyone in there is wanting to escape, yeah you saved the street from him but for how long and what about all those mentally ill people they have at the HDU, where are they going to go and dan says Ron is the doctor there
And Patrick said of sorry, and Ron said I am going and went back to the TAFE to pick up bill and take him back to the HDU and then 1 hour after they got back the police have Arrived to take Robert away back goulburn gaol and Ron brought around the nightly medications and then clocked off and then bought fish and and chips and a two litre bottle of coke and as he went into his apartment he saw Patrick and he said what are you doing here, and Patrick said I am the new maintenance guy here and I am better than bob from Becker and then Ron went inside and fell asleep in front  of the television for the next day


Sent from my iPhone

Last night I was ******* in my bed with my best friend Patrick Enright and my other best friend Brendan Schulz by ivan molar who really wanted us 3 *******, you see Ivan grabbed Brian Allan and put him in the back of his after life Ute and then grabbed Patrick and Brendan and sat over them saying you three you three you three I will keep you three here forever
You see Ivan wanted to die so he could grab Brian Patrick and Brendan
And hold them for a hefty ransom, we were scared as Ivan stood over us with a very sharp knife saying you three boys or should I say men won’t live very much longer than where you are now, Brian said you are evil very very evil, let us go or I will bash you
And Ivan Milat just laughed and said
How could you bash me I am bashing you and you will never escape from me and Brendan said *******, get us out of here please but Ivan just laughed and said you 3 men’s kids of the 80’s will never escape you 3 will die in your sleep and the next day your families will be planning each of you’s funerals and Brian was scared as he didn’t want to die and started to struggle saying get me out of this evil realm with this evil spirit but Ivan wasn’t wanting to let us go, Ivan wanted these dreams to be our last dream of our current lives and I will hold Daniel morecombe with me you will never free him, you will never free yourselves and Daniel will join Brian Patrick and Brendan saying you 4 will never escape from me, I will push your bodies down onto the floor of this after life vehicle, none of you will escape and Patrick said please let us go Ivan and Ivan said no and tied all our legs real tight saying none of you will escape none of you I tell ya, the rope is on too tight and it is enough to make you suffocate and Patrick said it is Christmas, Isn’t that the time to be nice and Ivan said no, this is the time I make you four boys suffocate
Till you can’t live anymore
Heh heh heh heh heh heh
Brian Patrick Brendan and Daniel morecombe were struggling to get free because this man was not joking when he wanted to **** us and we were scared as we were trying to take the rope from out of our hands and feet and the gag on our mouths
We were very scared as everything was very tight, Ivan drove the flying panel van around the afterlife saying ha ha ha me the great
Got four Boys ******* in the back
Never oh never will they escape
Because I have them ******* and wrapped in my kidnappers cape
I can hear them struggling said Ivan oh yeah
But nobody else could so I will succeed in this kidnapping oh yeah
Go on Brian Allan and stay there Patrick Enright and keep there Brendan Schultz while Daniel escaped saying I haven’t got time to free you all, because I want my next life which is Ryan Donnelly to not have these problems and Patrick said mmmmmm mmmmmm mmmm
He was really saying please let us go
But the gag was on his mouth too tight and suddenly Patrick Brian and Brendan were being whipped and Ivan said I will ****** you three in your sleep and Brian Patrick and Brendan woke up but Ivan said I will get you when you go back to sleep
So watch your back

Once a happy young dude
Came into Canberra
To see the dudes and dudettes there
He met a nice person
Named Patrick Enright
Who was his father type
Then Patrick said he doesn’t like
The young dude life
Cause they make to many mistakes
But Brian came in and said
Making mistakes is how we learn
On how to be a real person
Brian was a young dude
Brian was a young dude
Brian was a young dude
And pat was a man
You see Brian loves life
Looking back at the life he had
Knowing Patrick will never have that
Then pat told me
I committed a bad crime
And that ruined the life we have
I told Patrick that he was too perfect and needed to get a reality check
Life isn’t really like he has
I get his voice saying me and Chris ain’t like him
Well that is true because he was a nerd
Which is a man who never ever really lived
I lived a very exciting life oh yeah
Brian was a young dude
Brian was a young dude
Brian was a young dude
And pat was a man
You see Brian loves life looking back
At the life he had
Knowing Patrick will never have that
You see pat hated me
So he chose to follow god
With his mate Greg Harris
I saw the old man in pat
Following my fathers lead
I was a young dude and pat was a man
I went to Scott’s and then I went to James’s to hang around like a young dude does
I took pat with me one day which was alright untill he got cranky because
I was a normal young dude
Brian was a young dude
Brian was a young dude
Brian was a young dude
And pat was a man
You see Brian loves life looking back
At the life he had
Knowing Patrick will never have that
Now Brian misses Patrick
So he dreams about him all the time
Thinking what would Patrick
Do in covid 19
I know my poems are better than
What he can do
Patrick, how are you coping mate
You see I ain’t visioning Patrick
I am seeing me when I was young
When I was a party dude
I am dealing with it
But I vision Patrick not
As I see him turning into a hating life ****
And with my writing I show I can deal with my life
Brian was a young dude
Brian was a young dude
Brian was a young dude
And pat was a man
You see Brian loves life looking back
At the life he had
Knowing Patrick pretty stupid Patrick
Knowing Patrick will never have that

I liked Patrick Enright
We used to party a lot
At home listening to heavy metal
And at the raiders
Cheering them on
You see Patrick Enright
Was a really cool friend
We saw jimmy barnes together
And we partied on New Year’s Eve 1989 and I got totally ******
So much in fact I had to go back
To pats house to sleep
Because I didn’t want my family to
See me like that
Thinking at the time, that they were fun police
We watched e street and Patrick
Like the character called CJ
Patrick never put a foot wrong
But I did and I missed the atmosphere
I had when I was having fun with Patrick
I miss Patrick because he was a fun guy

Hi my name is Brian Allan
I am 21 years old and I have been kidnapped by a gang of thugs who were interested in taking money off people and my hands are tied together with very strong duct tape but I still can text this but I am finding it hard and with me is my best friend Patrick Enright who also is 21 years old, he is very scared, so scared in fact he doesn’t want to speak because he is afraid he will be murdered by these thugs, at the moment I think we are in this thugs basement with the door padlocked shut, and we have my 10 year old neighbour Brendan Schulz who was playing with his roller blades when me and Patrick were being abducted and because Brendan saw us being dragged into the car the thugs chased Brendan down the road and when Brendan fell down on the road and skinned his knee, the thugs got out of the car and took brendan’s roller blades off and threw them in the nearest garden and tied Brendan up with me and Patrick and now we are in this basement we have no idea of what is going on outside and we can’t speak to each other because the duct tape is tightly around our mouths
Patrick is very scared and said to me to say that he is still alive and don’t stop looking and Brendan said the same thing and then the kidnapper brought some food for us but we had to eat it like dogs because he only took the tape off our mouths and Kept it on the rest of the body just in case their was no funny business because he knows what young dudes like us are like, we will thank him for the meal and then run after stomping on his foot, well he didn’t want to take any chances and that made me and Patrick and Brendan very scared for our safety, we are thinking we are going to die or something and after we finished eating like dogs, the kidnapper came back and duct taped our mouths so we can’t speak or scream or anything else and we were bored because all 3 of us are young and being captured isn’t very much fun
HELP US

I feel like
Someone is sitting on me
Pushing me down
So I don’t feel relaxed
I want Patrick Enright
To leave me alone
To stop pushing me down
I want to feel cool
I want to feel relaxed
I want to have fun
Sometimes I feel it is my hooligan
Going from giving me itchy feelings
But suffocating my body
I feel Patrick is pushing the
Hooligan into me
Sometimes I feel
It is the fact that it is my cholesterol
Which could be causing it
Or it could be old time hooligans
Pushing me down
When I hop into the shower
Patrick said you are stuck
You are losing your energy
I don’t want fucken old time hooligans
Pushing me down
It could by skin cancer I have on my lip
**** I will be glad to get that off my lip
You see it could also be me just having
A schitzophrenic panic attack
I feel like god is pushing me down
Everyone is giving me an anxiety attack
Please stop please stop please stop
I feel like I am going to drop my phone
Lord knows I dropped my glasses
I had to reach over as I am having
My panic attacks
I Brain is weak my hand is dropping
Everything
I feel like I will want to use the seroquel
To push it away
But I am not like frank Woodley
Saying the panic attack olympics
The suicidal javelin
Making having a panic attack
Being an Olympic sport
Sometimes I feel like
I was feeling like I did in 2004 and 2013
Both years I went to the psych ward
I was excercising and I had weird dillusions
In which I didn’t want to get rid of
I feel like saying
**** ******* DROP DEAD
I watch the Sheffield shield cricket
Where records are being broken every day
I sometimes feel like getting a panic attack
When my carer always quotes me
Like when I say a family of musicians
Is just like mine
He will say did they put a guitar in your hand and play it
I said there are other reasons why
They are like my family
Politicians are driving me crazy
The coronavirus is driving me crazy
End of next year is the possible start to the vaccine but there is no proof the vaccine has been found
Trainers telling you to go to bed early
But deep down he just wanted to
Stay up and play with the kids
And now he is in gaol
Suffering oh suffering
But he needs to change
He needs to learn that talking to kids online
Is wrong
Very very wrong
Last night I watched Halloween concerts
You see covid can’t stop people from having fun @ Halloween
Please stop pushing me down
RIGHT NOW

Today s ****** fat and ugly woman
Stuck her finger up at mr
Saying she wasn’t like my mum
I said I know ugly *****
You are too shy to be like my mum
You look as like you want me not to
Stare at you
I said gladly my eyes will pop out
If I looked at you too long
She said I am not your mummy
I said yes I know you are too shy to
Be like my mummy
Patrick Enright said let’s trase Brian
I am not like his daddy
I said Patrick I know
You are too shy to be like my daddy
That woman looked like she spent
Time in gaol
God knows what for
But she is a ****** criminal
And that is why she stuck her finger up
She is too fucken shy to be like my mum
Patrick is too fucken shy to be like my dad
I suppose Patrick should marry that fucken *****
They would be suited
Two ugly people hitching up
That would be weird
My mum and dad are much better than
That criminal lady and her hogan husband
I don’t wanna be with bogans anyway

Hi this is Brian Allan again
Reporting to you from the basement I am been held in with Patrick Enright and Brendan Schulz and today the kidnapper came in with a big axe, well he was putting it away but he said to Brendan I am coming to get you and I am going to **** you and me and Patrick started to get scared that the kidnapper was going to **** us all and the kidnapper went away saying heh heh heh heh I have those young people right where I want them and me and Patrick and Brendan were struggling trying to escape and the kidnapper came back and whipped us with his garden hose and yelled out you youngens will never escape from me and we all tried to scream but the duct tape was nicely gripped around our mouths we couldn’t be heard
If I didn’t text on the phone nobody will know what is happening to us
Brendan was moving around the garage trying to find a way out of here but it is impossible for us to escape because the tape was on so tight, the kidnapper came back and picked up Brendan and said tonight I will cook you on my barbecue and have fresh tasty young boy for dinner
And I started to struggle my way over there to save Brendan and the kidnapper got the axe and threatened to chop our heads off and me and Patrick and Brendan tried to scream through our duct tape on our mouths
But we found it impossible to be heard
And the kidnapper left saying heh heh heh I have the family people *******
We say to you all
HELP US

It is fatal to decide, intellectually, what good poetry is because you are then in honour bound to try to write it, instead of the poems
that only you can write.

Philip Larkin, Poets of the 1950s (Ed. D. J. Enright, 1955)

Hi my name is Brian Allan and I am still ******* with duct tape with my 2 friends Patrick and Brendan
Last night when I hid my phone so they don’t see it the kidnapper grabbed Brendan and said you are only 10 and you are going to hung bu the neck untill you are dead and nobody will hear you because of the duct tape on your mouth and once I have done with Brendan I will **** you 2 and Patrick was trying to escape and then thought that he figured that he has never been kidnapped before ever in his life, I am struggling trying to get out to save Brendan but I don’t want to hung by the neck myself but I said threw my duct tape gag let me go let me go please save me and the kidnapper said Brian Allan Patrick Enright Brendan Schulz no need to shout threw your gag nobody can hear you and then hung Brendan on the roof and Brian and Patrick said
Put him down he is only a kid and the kidnapper said ok if one of you can replace him and after he untied Brendan he picked up a axe and hit the kidnapper over the head and then untied me and Patrick and suddenly we escaped but we were unaware that where he took us was a lonely place where we just missed the hourly bus by 10 minutes and we had to wait for 50 minutes but we had to hide just in case the kidnapper came through from the whack and it was a boring 50 minutes and with 1 minute to go we saw the kidnapper coming toward us and we couldn’t hide but we got on the bus and the kidnapper followed the bus and got ran over by a car and in about 5 hours he was dead and Brian and Patrick and Brendan cheered so loudly saying
Ding **** the kidnapper is dead
Yes he is the kidnapper is dead
And us 3 young dudes are free