Sssttttuhhp....clunk.

Plink..plinkplink...flip, *****, ****, plink.
Donk, donkdonk, plink, doink, ****.
Flipflap..****, plinkplink, doink.
Doink, doinkdoink, whirrrrrr, buzzzzzzzz ****.

"Oh ****".

Sssttttuhhp....clunk.

Plink, doinkbink, flipflap, bink.
Twirrrrrrrrtwirrrrrrrr, twirrrrrrr *****.
flipflap.....clunk

"Oh....Man"!

Sssttttuhhp....clunk.

P­linkplinkboinkdoink...flip...bonk shhhupduuuup.
****, doink, *****, shuuuup.
plink, ploinkploink, **** doink.
booooouuuuupboooooouuuup...*****
flipflap...clunk

"Shoot"­!

Sssttttuhhp....clunk.

plinkplinkplinkplink, doink flipflap, bonk, *****, twirrrrrr.
doink, *****, bonk, wuuuuuup, twirrrrrr, puurrrrrrrr.
plink, ploink, doinkdoink, purrrrrrrr, shuuuuupshuuuup
plinkplinkplink, doink, flip, doink, flip, trrrruuuuurrrrp.

"YES"!  (shakes machine)

TILT!  TILT! TILT!

"NOooooooooo"!

Doink! A text knocks at my phone and I fish for it in my backpack purse

Looking at the name, I shiver. “Oh, yeah,” I think, “THAT’S not going to happen.”

But I am, for a moment, pulled back in memory to early mistakes.

At the time we met - I, of course, was looking for love - or more like a confirmation that I was lovable to someone who had experiences. He was just taking me to parties and trying to get in my pants.

So you could say we met at the busy intersection of realities and we became entangled at the invisible speed of hummingbird wings.

He was charming in an “I don’t care” way - because he wasn’t a great actor and he didn’t care. Careless is the perfect word for our relationship. He was like an out of towner at some rowdy conference with one eye on the exit.

I thought, for a hot minute, that he knew something about the world that I needed to know. I teased him, pressing for details about girls he’d slept with and in general mined him for ****** stories, tidbits, truths and lies. He pressed me for new stories to tell.

I wasn’t “myself” with him either. I was difficult but sincere and vulnerable because, at that point, I couldn’t commit fully - if you know what I mean - and didn’t know HOW to not care. Yet, I was trying to be what I thought an older guy would want. Maybe I should have worn a sign: “caution: imagination in progress”.

Memories. *shiver

Deaths Of 2013

My third year doing this.

Paul Walker, Texas ranger,
driving fast leads to danger.
Matt Osbourne was Doink The Clown,
Paul Bearer always wore a frown.
Dennis Farina and James Gandolfini,
always played a mobster meany.
Peter O'Toole, famous actor,
Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher.
President Nelson Mandela,
Dennis Burkley, was a famous fat actor fella.
Lou Reed, is now on the wild side,
took all the colored girls for a ride.
Conrad Bain and Bonnie Franklin,
tv actors who had white skin.
Paul Blair and Stan The Man,
playing baseball, when they can.
Marcia Wallace and Lisa Robin Kelly,
both had ***** that bounced like jelly.
Tom Clancy wrote famous books,
not much on having good looks.
Cory Montieth and Patti Page,
one died young, other of old age.
Jean Stapleton, was Edith Bunker,
Archie always put her in the dumper.
Pat Summerall and Deacon Jones,
played football and broke some bones.
Dr. Joyce Brothers and Pauline Phillips,
they both gave good and bad tips.
Ray Manzarek, from The Doors,
Jeff Hanneman knew all Slayers chords.
Chrissy Amphlett, liked to touch herself,
Caleb Moore's trophies are on his shelf.
Mindy McCready and George Jones,
both hit those country tones.
Chris Kelly from Kris Kross,
Ed Koch is a New York loss.
David Frost and Roger Ebert,
always had words to insert.
Anneitte Funicello from Mickey Mouse Club,
Eydie Gorme almost got a snub.
Jonathan Winters, was very funny,
to come from Mork's egg, made him money.
If you don't know who these people are,
look them up, internet not very far.
For the ones that I missed,
please don't get to ******.

.
                               ****
                         **** *****
                     Wiener Pecker U
                     nit ***** Piece T
                      ool Thing Shaft
                      Member Doink
                      er ***** Cack C
                      hour Chub Pud
                      ******* Wanki
                      W a n g    D ing
                      a ling Ding Don
                      g Kielbasa Brat
                      worst Meat Pop
                      sicle Meat ther
                      mometer Bolog
                      ny pony Salami
                      Sausage   Tube
                      steak ****** P
                      orkSword Nood
                      le Banana Corn
                      dog Magic wan
                      d Staff Divine R
                      od Love muscle
                      Third leg Tonsi
                      l  tickler  Power
                   ­   drill Jack hamm
                      er Wedding tac
                      kle Bat Club Rod
                      Pole Joystick Ja
                      ck-in-the-box S
                      kin flute D-trai
                      n Mr . Happy B
                      a ld - headed yo
                      gurt slinger Lon
                      g **** Silver Ji
                      my Johnson Kn
                      ob Captain Win
                      ky One eyed W
                      illy One eyed M
                      onster Peter On
                      e  eyed   trouser
                      snake The  Sala
                      mander   Horse
                      **** Lincoln lo
                      g Tootsie Roll F
                      Lesh trombone
                      Meat stick Meat
                      whistle  Dobber
                      ­Wanger Woody
                      Shake weight T
                      iffy   Frank and
                      the beans Ch o
                      a d    t h e  *****
                      wise man *****
                      Harry nut cann
                      on  Flesh   flute
                      Satan's clarinet
         Sexophone Th      e Mayflower (  on
     account of all the   Puritans who came
      on it ) The Wea         p o n   of   A s s
         destruction               junk mail

doink doink man