There are many reasons why I worry
To many to list actually
My heart pumps fear to every part of my body
This ensures that my brain doesn’t have an escape route
I drown in my own fear with waves of constant anxiety
depresssion circulated throughout my naïve self
The cold wait for death lurks in the back of me
My feet fear exhaustion
My hands fear distortion
My heart fears adoption
So again like i’ve told you many times before
There is no real reason not to worry

I am at the other end of life. It happens to
coincide with the coronavirus pandemic,
not an especially friendly companion. I am
isolated from my friends, from grocery
store isles, from the simple pleasures of
strolling in the park and chatting with passer-
bys. It is no fun existing like this. Telephone
calls are not hugs. Emails are not conversations.
Life is moribund. I will die sooner than later,
but before I do, I was hoping to reminisce
with dear friends, go out to eat, have a few
drinks. This is like living on the moon. I
have watched and re-watched all my favorite
movies. I wish I could join Bogart and
Bergman in Rick's Cafe Americain. So what
would it matter if I lost at the roulette wheel.
Sam would play "As Time Goes By." There
would be others with whom I could mingle.
I would not be alone. Perhaps I would have
shot the Gestapo chief. Something, anything,
but boredom bordering on depresssion. If
only I could commiserate with the billions
of other human beings who have not yet
lost their lives to this invidious disease. I
will die soon, more likely from isolation
than from illness.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks