I let you go not because I didn't love you, but because I knew that I couldn't be the girl of your dreams. As a girl who falls for people easily, it's hard to maintain a relationship with just one person. I love multiple people. I have never denied that, and no, I don't play with people's feelings, neither do I sleep around or cheat. I just never got over the other breakup, I never healed properly, I just pretended to be fine with how things were, despite it breaking me apart. People call it being a player, I call it being in love. Love makes us want people we can't have, people we can't be with, people we are with but can't see it working forever. I feel like a bad person, for not being able to love just one person and be happily ever after. Emotional attachments are easy to form, but harder to deattach yourself from, it doesn't matter if you're strong or not, if you love more than one person, then you do, and that's just how it is. It doesn't define you, it doesn't make you a **** or a *****. If you're a faithful, loyal person who happens to like or love more than one person, it's okay. It's different if you cheat and lie and date several people at the same time. People never think of the difference before they judge someone and it sickens me. Love isn't a sin, feelings aren't a sin. Breaking hearts and cheating - now that's a sin.

This is a song that I wrote while driving home*
I realised everytime that I have to leave,
I've got to deattach more and more of you from me.

___________

I was just mindin' my business,
when you stumbled upon me,
& started throwin' rocks in my lake.
That's when I knew things started-- with a mistake.

That's when the tides started changin'
You decided to go for a swim,
My name started rearrangin'
at the touch of your skin

There was an undeniable shake
like something got shifted.
My thoughts trembled and quaked,
& I hate to admit this,
I don't want this storm to leave
Let its waves rise, and crash down on me

You're the hurricane reaching my shores;
I don't mind if the lightning strikes,
or if the thunder roars

Now your plannin' on leavin'
& I'd always seen it comin'
crashin' down every wall.
There was no rhyme or reason
in this disastrous fall

I was just mindin' my business
when you stumbled upon your way,
started kickin rocks in every direction
now we've got nothin' left to say.
You let the road take you elsewhere,
But the traffic signs weren't obeyed.
You started drivin' faster
& That's when Thursday's giant got slayed.

Now there's someone else that your after.
At first I thought I was broken and shattered.
So I have made new pieces,
& put them back together.
Let the wind take me away;

Seal my lips to keep me from sinkin;
The moon now shines brighter
& I'm accustom to the damage,
That has made my heart lighter.

I won't let go of the past,
It's all that i have
& you're out of my grasp--
Cause none of these storms
were meant to last

Scratch Means Nothing

Nothing Nothing Nothing

Or just The Blank,

Blank With no Idea

Of Doing Next.

But,

People like To start

From that Scratch.

Because,

Scratch has its Own Shape.

Shape With Customising Property

like, Shrink, Shear or stretch.

Diminish, Dissolve or Deattach.


Scratch has No size

No Limit Or constraints.

It has No beginning Or ends.


And Things get Best,

When they start from scratch.


So,

Get Yourself Set.

Let The World Get.

That,

We won't trace The Old Track.

will Bear the Break.

And ,

Will Start From Scratch.

Baby girl
I love your wide hips, thick lips and how you try to cover up your weakness
See it's only a matter of time till you realise that you **** this
And my eyes are blessed to witness
Your brown skin, your crown Queen
Girl you're sure to win
And in your direction blows the wind
Paying homage to your every single thin'
Your smile isn't a sin
And though you hide it, it is always what I'm seekin'
Blessed at every moment you are breathin'
Darling i adore your sweetness
You're a sweet mess
Your queerness
How i wish to die in your wilderness
And well los’ the rest
You're my princess
But you will never be in distress
And if you are, you'll be able to deattach
Free at last

how long has it been since you've been feeling lonely
probably a few days
probably since you were born
lonely or lonesome, i read once, both are very different,
i think i can't accept to be more than one, i create
the **** curve
not where it starts, that is the hand of God or maybe simply
the hands of others
but i make it end.

i need to leave before
you touch too close to home, before you see the cracks
in the ceiling - there's many, but the paint is fresh always
i am happy, i am so happy,
i feel so crushed,
they both overlap,
i need to be hidden away in a cave like a
dead something, maybe a rabbit, he got lost on the way
and the winter took him for himself,
i am the rabbit and the winter and the cave and
i am lonesome, as all three.

my body and my hands and my body again and my hands again
and the mess above them who tells them how to act and to feel,
they come back and hunt me always
in texts and dreams
i want my body to be
loved
i crave it so bad and it will never go
away, the craving, but
i'm so afraid of it
this body
why is it so weird
to be a body ?
if you touch me, if you
rub my back when it gets sore, if your hands are a bit
too kind to my skin,
i will crumble to pieces. one piece then
just pieces, now,
not like i am broken, i amn't
yet you could unmake me,
like a dream that's been alive for too long,
and suddenly the pieces of it disappear
why do they
disappear ?
because the dream was too slow ! it was too long to settle
like this body exactly
so long in the making, in the accepting too, in the lovin'
the dream furniture
becomes lands, becomes earth, the dream people's faces
change,
my body will also
morph
but can i.. can i like this dream
can i accept the dream body, the real piece of work body,
the me inside it,
to be loved ?
i don't really get it the loving part,

i'm good at it, the loving part.
i've been in love all my life
with things and words and dreams and the changes in people's
faces that i know by heart,
the way his smile gets pointy,
the way he runs to your room when he's happy, like
a child on christmas,
like,
a boy i'm in love with.
i want a body with you
isn't that so ******* scary ?
i want the ****
showers together, i want the kind hands, i want
the laughter in my neck,
all the ****** attention
i want it

i'm so lonesome
i would take it from anybody but i won't ! i won't
i dont want to feel like a liar, taking from
others who love
but i don't, i don't love you the same,
i don't understand your feelings so i assume and i say
"they're not the same, they're not"
and i leave ! i leave before i understand
because understanding is knowing,
knowing is acting
acting is so ******* tiring
i need you to
deattach your hands so they can be sewed right on mine,
i need you to
read every **** poem i made about you,
i need me to breathe, a lot

a whole storm
breathed.
i need air. i need to be alone, not lonesome ! not lonely !
alone
i need to
let you have all my love, and let you have all my loving,
and then i'll create one all for me
a good, tough, sweet love, a nice cocktail, sparkly
and young
all for me !
drank by my own **** body, even
held by
my own **** hands, even !
wants and needs and all this work i haven't done, and all
this amour propre
i'm forgetting.

i don't love myself.
someday,
i will.