here I
lie on my back
this ceiling (white)
is my sky tonight
alone
my legs whisper
what I do not need to hear
from my toes to to my thighs
i try
to peel you away
from staying too late
inside of my brain
cause I need sleep honey
I need a lot of things
mostly string
so i can tie my bells to you
that way i'll know when you're close
because lately
you show up out of no where
&oh; how you l i n g e r
you'd think
somehow
I'd had you before
the way that I want you right now
but that doesn't matter
i'm just a scatter at night time
I'm wasting time on paper
and usually I can figure out what to do
but not like this
cause she has what I want
what I silently love
my useless truth
darling
i'm blue
because I have your attention
but she;
she has you

I've decided that I'm sick
of *******

specifically
the kind with
long(ish)
scruffy(ish)
blond(ish)
hair and blueblue eyes
and a face
that makes my heart rise up
and beat in my throat
and my words catch
and stumble over themselves

because it's dawned on me that
being beautiful is not enough
and though some would argue
that he's not beautiful at all
sometimes I agree
sometimes not

like the day his braces came off and
suddenly I couldn't look
anywhere but his lips
and I couldn't think of anything but
french kissing
even though I've never really
kissed anyone
outside my head

or the day we were running
the worst hill
the hill of hills
over and over and over
and I noticed that
he has this splotch
below his ribs
which is darker than his skin
a birthmark
which somehow made my lips
curl in a small smile to myself
an imperfection within perfection
is perfection
in a way

but then he opens his mouth
and ruins it
and I'm sick of being disappointed
(although it's my fault too)

and so with that
I say
I'm sick of *******
because

kindness is striking
when you're used to loving someone
who isn't kind

when you've accepted
the carelessness
as if nothing matters
as if your heart doesn't matter  
as if you won't determine your own self worth
upon his interaction with you
you forget

but I'm done with that

this is not the end
but it is the beginning of it
and I'm glad because
I think it's best
for us both

and who knows
maybe someday
he'll figure out
how to be
something other than *******

he snarls, she sobs
tears really can fall
and they fall like rain

her tender skin
brutalized
her blueblue eyes
close again

same scene
difference nightmare
she’s screaming louder
so hit me, i dare you to

i’ve been down and out
seen the worst, worse than you
hit me, I dare you to
a simple punch, a vicious word
can’t pierce these scars
can’t close these eyes

these broken eyes

kept wide shut
keep the monster away