i am cold in a winter that isn't
so much like winter

i am frozen in the idea of magazines
thinspo
and whatever the opposite of that is

it is still encouraging

i want a ballerina body
i want to surround myself in water and green tea
avocados

i want to be bendy
well, bendier
i want collar bones to push out
ribcage to jut out
thin arms
thin waist

i am tired of stretchmarks and sadness

It seems so that we've found out that God
is a woman with a long neck and golden hair
She was softer bendier smoother around the edges than anyone else before
That's why I would call what I did with her a privilege, a pilgrimage
more than a divine service