Once upon a time long ago, there was a hopeful child,
Due to wrong life choices, she grew up too fast and wild,
Once this little girl had promising dreams,
As she grew old, she realized nothing is as it seems,
Youthful fantasies of a loving and heroic White Knight,
All disappeared, overwhelmed by the agonies of the fight,
Always alone in her battles with life,
Never afraid to confront and conquer the strife,
Now many battles later, as the scars can tell,
Each one with it’s own story of pure hell,
Some of the battles were lost, and some were won,
But now she sits alone, empty, and done,
Tales of love that had fallen apart,
Searching, but never finding lost pieces of a broken heart,
Loved ones who never made it through,
Unacceptable losses ‘cause there was nothing I could do,
Every day to wake up seems like a punishment,
Forced to continue this existence is pure torment,
How much pain will I be made to endure?
If I embrace it, will it cleanse and make me pure?
A loneliness so deep and empty it echoes in my soul,
Experiments have failed, changes have passed and I’m still unwhole,
Those innocent dreams and fantasies lie crushed and anhilated,
All hope and innocence has completely dissipated,
Trudging through my daily routine,
So many sins, I’ll never be clean,
I want so badly to cry and feel that release,
But these ghosts that haunt won’t give me any peace,
I’ve tried everything to make them go away,
Pills, *****, whatever; But they continue to make me pay,
They have even followed me into sobriety,
Refusing to let go they will never set me free,
There are no more idealistic visions,
I’m being made to suffer for poor life decisions,
There is no serenity waiting,
It is only the agony I am sating,
Praying for an end to this life’s insufferable lesson,
No hope for the future, no forgiveness for my pasts’ transgression,
Acceptance of this destiny of mine,
Pain will be my power throughout all time.
copyright N.North 1998
